Sins of the Flesh
by phayte1978
Summary: In this AU... Yuuri has a job he hates... Victor is a priest. (the story bred from Confessions) This is set before 'Confession'. No actual sin here... yet, this will be a slow progress-slow burn... One sinful... slow burn...
1. Chapter 1

It was never his plan to be a priest. Hell, he rarely went to church. He would join his mother on the big holidays, sure, but who didn't? He was spoiled growing up. Anything his heart's desire was his. There was never anything too elaborate for Victor. The best toys, flashy sports cars, that was his life. Big vacations, cruise ships, exotic islands. Victor had seen it all. At 21 he had everything.

It was a late night, Victor and his lover speeding down a mountain road back from a party. They might have been drinking, they might have done a few lines, they might be driving too fast. The music was blaring and echoing around the mountain as they sped their way down. Victor was laughing and holding his lover's hand. The night could not have been more perfect. There was something about mountain air at night that made him feel alive.

It was the quick glance at his lover that changed his life forever. Hearing the yell, "Victor watch out!" he darted his eyes back to the road seeing a deer jump out. They were going too fast, the downward spiral of the mountain was steep, Victor's reflexes were too delayed. Jerking the wheel they went through the guardrail, tearing up the brush alongside of the mountain. His only blessing that night was the tree that kept them from plummeting to their death, well his death.

They had been found the next morning by a driver seeing the guard rail smashed in. Victor hit his head heard, his lover was not wearing a seat belt, had died on impact.

Victor was in a coma for two weeks and so much went on in his head during those two weeks. Now if you had asked Victor, it had only felt like a few hours. Victor remembers a bright light, a voice and his promise.

The bright light continued to tease him; he could always see it shimmering in the background. The light was so bright, he wondered how he was not being blinded by it. With his eyes being the aqua color they were, they were sensitive to most light. With this light however, he did not even need to squint. He could stare right into it. It was peaceful to him.

Sometimes the light would get closer to him. He felt a soothing comfort when it would get near. Slowly walking towards it, the light would only get further away. He knew he should be frustrated, but he wasn't. There wasn't a way to describe the emotion he was feeling because there were no words for it. There was a peacefulness that washed over him. Everything was perfect. His long hair hung down his back and as he looked down, simple white linen pants, barefoot. He did not feel thirst or hunger, there was nothing uncomfortable.

He briefly spoke with his lover. They did not exchange words, no, in his dream they did not need words. Just looking into one anothers eyes said everything that ever needing saying. Victor knew he should be sad, but he was not. Emotions did not feel the same here. They were distant. He made a promise, one he could not speak or hear, but it was in his heart. His lover nodded, kissing his cheek.

The light had come closer to him again, he was bathed in it warmth. Lifting his arms in the air, he was welcoming the shower of light over him. Stepping slowly towards it. A hand gently touched his chest. Those eyes, his lover's eyes – eyes he will never forget, dark brown pools that danced at that moment. He watched as his lover shook their head, smiling, laughing. The sound, the first sound he had heard during all of this, was music to his ears. The hand on his chest pushed harder, pushing him away. Grasping the hand, he held on tightly. He was feeling emotions again, panic was ripping through his chest, pain was gripping his entire body.

His eyes flew open. The light pouring down on him hurt. It was bright, it was artificial. He could close his eyes but it felt like they had already been closed for a long time. He could not swallow, something was in the way. He wasn't really able to move other. Everything was bright, too bright. His head felt heavy and fuzzy. Beeping was all around him, but he could not move his head, there was something holding him down.

Someone starting buzzing around him. Checking what seemed to be tubes and the beeping was stopping and becoming steady. He could still only see straight up. A voice called out. It was muffled, he could not understand it, he still could not move. So he lay there, trying to remember the last few hours. All he knew was he had to change his life. Something needed to change and quickly, or next time he would not be nearly as lucky.

He knew without being told his lover was no longer of this world. He had spoken to his lover, he promised to live a good life and not mourn forever. He promised to change his ways. He could not continue to be the spoiled rich brat he was. He could not continue being frivolous with his life. God had another plan for him.

He spent another two weeks in the hospital. Finally leaving, he went back home. His mother was waiting. He could not go to his flat. Too many memories of his lover there. His mother paid to have it cleaned out.

His life was in boxes, as were his lovers. Their last two years were packed away with labels on them. Another life. Victor stood staring into the mirror, he had lost weight, a lot of weight, his ribs were jutting out his torso. He could run his fingers down, counting each one. His stomach caved in, hip bones protruded. Looking back up, the biggest surprise was the slight fuzz of hair. Due to the head trauma that occurred in the accident, they had to give him stitches in the back of his head that laced themselves up to his crown. When he had awoken, his head had felt light. His long hair had been shaven off. Without his hair, his eyes were too large, and his cheeks to prominent. Especially now that those aqua eyes, always alive with life, were dull and stale.

There was a box in his room he kept close. His lover's most prized possessions. He would go through it at night, and sleep with the box close by. It did not surprise him to find the simple wooden rosary among the possessions. He would watch his lover do their rosary every night. Fingers gently caressing each bead, mouth moving slightly. The images in Victor's head caused the tears to run again. He had not done a Rosary since he was a child. His mother had taught it to him when taking his First Communion.

Falling to his knees at the edge of his bed, taking those beads between his fingers, he began to recite , "Hail Mary…full of grace…" That was all he could remember. The tears sprung forward again. Frustrated he got up, going into the family room, knowing his mother kept her bible there, finding it he stared down at it. The thick leather that was soft under his fingers, the golden pages. He was always amazed at how the pages on the side were gold. His mother would tell him it was gold as it was the most important book in the world. He would sit there, wide eyed and lightly touching the pages.

Victor sat down in the sitting room, rosary entangled between his fingers, bible in his lap. He started reading. He read late into the night only to stop in the morning when his mother found him, bringing him coffee.

Handing him the cup, she lightly ran her hand over his head, "My beautiful son, have you slept at all?"

Victor shook his head, "No mother. I just could not."

His mother noticed the rosary in his hand as he was lifting the cup to his lips. She raised her hand out, lightly touching the cross on the end of it. "Vitya, I did not know you had one of these."

"I did not mother… It was…" He choked up. His mother nodding, understanding. "Can you… the rosary…" His mother walked over to the table next to the bookshelf, a small box on the table contained her rosary. Hers was delicate, white pearl-like beads and golden links. They worked that morning, going through the prayers, the beads. Hand in hand his mother led him through it. He felt at peace. He felt closer to his lover.

"Mother… I want to go to mass." She nodded and kissed his forehead. The next day she took Victor to mass, he sat there listening to the priest. He could have sworn the mass was personalized just for him that day. He gripped his mother's bible, the rosary clutched in his fingers.

 _Lamentations 3:31-33 "For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone."_

Victor found himself going to the church daily. Even if there was not mass, he would do the rosary for hours, staring at the statue of the Virgin Mother. He would light candles for his lost lover and kneel before the altar of Saint Anthony – he even went to confession.

One evening he was lighting a candle and praying over his lost lover, when the priest had walked over, laying a hand on his shoulder, "Young Vitya, back again."

"Yes Father Feltsman." He bowed his head back in prayer. Father Feltsman kneeled next to him, both of them in kneeled in prayer before the candles. That was the moment it hit Victor. He jumped up, startling Father Feltsman.

"Father, I want to become a priest."

Victor went through the schooling, the praying.. and in five years he had become a priest. Father Feltsman was at his side the entire time. Victor's mother was proud of him, but confused by his choice to do this. "Vitya, you can serve God in many ways,"she would say to him. He shook his head. His mind was made up.

He worked alongside Father Feltsman for a few years before moving out on his own. Branching into his own congregation. He had taken in another young priest under his wing. Things were going well in his service to God. He truly believed this was where he needed to be.

He had been in this congregation a good three months when he saw him. Third pew back, small Japanese young man, blue glasses, large brown eyes. The choir was in the middle of a hymn, yet he stopped breathing, he stopped singing. He was lost on those eyes gazing up at him. From the pulpit, he continued to look into those eyes, even after the choir stopped. He could see the blush crawling up that boy's cheeks, but he held his gaze. The boy fidgeted on the pew and gripped his bible.

He does not remember his sermon. He does not remember the scripture he just read . He tried to look around the congregation,not wanting to seem preoccupied, but his eyes would go back to him every time. They would lock on him, they would look inside him. His pulse was racing and he could feel his body starting to perspire.

At the final song of praise, they were all standing as he prepared to leave the church. His gaze locked back on the brown eyes, and grabbing the bible, he exited out the main hall of the church, awaiting to shake hands and greet the congregation.

That was always a slow process. The shaking of hands, kisses on cheeks, smiles and pleasantries. Normally he loved this part, he cherished these moments, but there was someone he wanted to meet. Those eyes, he had to see them up close. He saw the Katsuki couple approach – Mrs. Katsuki was the sweetest and best cook around. They would invite him over for dinner quite often. He saw the young man with the brown eyes with his arm hooked with Mrs. Katsuki's as he bent down whispering in her ear. She would laugh and pat his hand as he spoke.

She reached out, grabbing his hand, shaking it. "Oh Father Victor, please please, meet my son Yuuri." She had gestured towards Yuuri. Those eyes fixed on him, he could have sworn they sparkled. He was filled with a warm feeling he had not had in a very long time. He was filled of memories of a past life. Extending his hand to reach Yuuri's, he never removed his eyes from him. Yuuri's hands were warm, soft, firm but gentle.

"Hello Yuuri. Very nice to meet you."

"Thank you Father."

"Oh Father, Isn't it great? I was finally able to get Yuuri to come with us to mass." Mrs. Katsuki's face was lit up in a smile. Looking over at Yuuri, he could see the blush creeping up his cheeks even more. When he realized he was still holding his hands from their greeting. He did not want to let the hand go, but knew he must.

"Well Yuuri, I do hope to have of more your presence." Yuuri nodded and his mother hooked arms with him again, escorting him out. He watched them walk out the church, onto the sidewalk of the street, still arm in arm. What he did not expect was for Yuuri to turn, and lock eyes with him again. He smiled and winked, turning back to his congregation to shake hands with the next.

His mind would continue to fall back to those brown eyes that had stared up at him from the congregation that morning. He was distracted all afternoon. He took the long way home as the weather was beautiful. This time of year he loved to look at the earth coming back to life, but his mind was too far. Those eyes. Yuuri Katsuki.

Once home, he went to his room. There was a box he kept buried in his closet. Digging through the box, he came up with a rosary, dark reddish brown with wooden beads. There was an old picture in the box, a picture of another life. His arm around his lost lover, those eyes looking straight at him. Victor had to stop for a moment, he had to stop everything, there was no way those eyes could have been the same. He must have made this up. He looked at the picture again, then closed his eyes, remembering Yuuri. Sighing heavily he put the box back, holding onto the picture and the rosary. How could two people have the same eyes? It must be fate – God must have done this.

Clutching the rosary harder, he knew he had to see Yuuri again.

* * *

That night the air was still warm, and the clouds clear. He had no invitations to dinner, so the idea of a walk into town seemed nice. Father Victor was a very lonely person. He grew up always having many friends, but always wondered if it was him or his money they loved. He needed to be around people; he loved his church, but it was a very lonely life. His house was a little cottage behind the church in the woods, a small one-bedroom, but it was more than enough for him. He had no one to share it with, so it did not matter.

The town wasn't that far from the house and the distance allowed him to think as he walked down the sidewalk. The one thing he loved about small towns was that you could always get to a nice diner or café without much trouble . Everyone knew everyone, and normally a larger town was not that far off. He had experienced enough city life when he was younger, and enjoyed the quiet now.

He was debating where to eat, when he saw at the diner, over in the corner at the counter, that black mop of hair. He saw the body slumped over, sipping a milkshake slowly as he was reading a book. It was funny seeing Yuuri there as his mind had been on him all day. Standing outside the window, he watched as Yuuri would slowly sip from the straw, those pink lips gently puckering, his cheeks slightly hallowing, it took his breath away. Yuuri would stop every now and then, pushing his glasses back up his nose, then running his hands through his hair, pushing it back.

It was as if his body was doing everything on its own. Father Victor entered into the diner and walked over to where Yuuri was. As Yuuri was sitting on a stool at the end of the counter, and they were now eye to eye. He couldn't help but smile at Yuuri, those brown eyes dancing with wonder.

"Father Nikiforov! Hello," he said as he sat his book down and stood up.

"Yuuri, no no, sit, I insist. And please, call me Father Vic." He saw there was a stool next to him open, "Mind if I join?"

"N-no, not at all." Yuri's cheek had a pink tinge to them. It was adorable.

"It was really nice meeting you today. Your mother and father are true blessings." Father Victor had grabbed one of the hard plastic menus, now scanning it over for something to eat. "Have you eaten yet? Or is the milkshake dinner?"

Yuuri chuckled and sipped his milkshake again. "No not yet, I was being… well… bad… I like to order my dessert first…" His cheeks were definitely red now. Father Victor couldn't move his eyes away. He only knew one other person in his life who ordered their dessert first…

Shaking his head, he went back to the menu, pushing that thought away.

"So Yuuri, you don't come to church often?"

Yuuri blushed again, sipping his milkshake. All he could not was not focus on those lips as they captured the straw. He saw him shaking his head at this. "No… well not really. I did though, when I lived at home. Every Sunday… After my Confirmation… I went to college and then moved away for a bit. It didn't… well it did not work out, so I am just getting settled in back here. Mom had been begging me to go back with her…" he could tell Yuuri was uncomfortable at this as he played with his straw's wrapper. He was folding it up then unfolding it, smoothing it back out, "Though I really did enjoy… your sermon today…" he turned meeting those eyes fixed on him, his cheeks turning red, "I felt as if you were talking only to me."

He continued to watch Yuuri play with his straw wrapper, not thinking, he took his hand, laid it on top of Yuuri's, smiling at him, "I am hoping to see more of you… at church that is." Yuuri's food arrived and he ordered his as well. That evening they sat there talking and he found out Yuuri was an accountant.

"Ah, the man who is doing our books will be retiring soon, our secretary is working on trying to get everything together…"

"I could help." He noticed Yuuri had blurted it out.

Smiling, he grabbed his hand again, squeezing it gently. " Thank you Yuuri, that would really help us out." Anything that kept him close by.


	2. Chapter 2

"Yuuri! Father Victor is coming to dinner tonight! You will be here, right?" he heard his mother say over the phone, excitement building in his chest as he felt his pulse start to race. Father Victor was a normality around his mother's house, and even though he no longer lived with his parents, he stopped by most nights for dinner. Nothing beat his mother's cooking.

"Oh course mother, You know I am always up for your dinners. What time did you want me over?"

"Oh honey, anytime is fine. Dinner will be around six or so. So finish up at work then head on over ok?"

Heading back to his desk, kicking his feet under, sighing heavily. Oh he hated his job. He was good at it, but he hated it. Was always pushing papers, making files and well… not living. Sure he had his degree, he brought in decent money at his job, but that was just it. Nothing really that kept moving him forward. Pushing files around his desk, he was excited for the end of his day now. He loved when Father Victor came over for dinner. The man was so full of life. Very animated when he talked, he always loved his mother's cooking (but I mean, who didn't?), and he sure did like looking at the man, as inappropriate as it was. Yuri had a deep lust for Father Nikiforov. He had ever since his mother dragged him into church that day two years ago. He was stunned and frozen in the pew. The man had ash blond hair that covered one eye, and his voice was like music to his ears. He was very active in his church now.

Thinking the end of his work day would almost never end, he set out for his mother's house. She would be in the process of getting dinner prepped at this time, and if he timed it all right he could help with the cooking. As he thought, he did have time for helping her in the kitchen. Slicing and cutting vegetables for a salad, he started the rice in the steamer and stirred the pot a bit more. His father had come home by then and went to the sitting room to relax in front of the TV .

The next ring of the doorbell he knew it was Father Nikiforov. Yuuri beamed with a smile and ran to the door. His mouth went dry and he forgot how to speak, knowing he was just on the other side of the door. It was always like this when he showed up. Opening it, sure enough, there he was. Crisp black, button down shirt, with his white clerical collar. "Ah! Hello Yuuri." He was holding a bottle of wine for dinner. Yuuri accepted it, inviting him in. As he went for the wine, their fingers brushed and Yuuri knew his cheeks were reddening. Both walked to the kitchen to greet his mother. She of course, always happy when Father Victor came to dinner.

"Father Victor, would you like to sit in the sitting room while we finish up here?" his mother asked.

"Oh no, Mrs. Katsuki. I wouldn't mind helping out in the kitchen. I love cooking." Father Nikiforov coming up next to him. Their arms brushing gently, causing a spark to ignite in Yuuri. "No one ever lets me help cook and I do miss doing it!"

"Well I won't be the one to stop you then. You can help Yuuri while I go work on setting the table!" Yuuri's mother headed out the room.

"Need help chopping Yuuri?" Father Nikiforov asked. Yuuri nodded. Afraid that if he moved, their arms would rub again, he was already feeling the heat from the light touch of their arms . Father Nikiforov moved to grab another cutting board and knife, breaking their touch. Yuuri slowly breathed out, wondering if he was relieved or disappointed the touch was gone.

Before he could even think, he was right back next to him. Close enough their hips almost touched, their arms were definitely touching, if not more than the last time. He could feel the arm flex against his as Father Nikiforov brought the knife up and down to chop the carrots. The slight rub of the Father Nikiforov's shirt against his, the knowledge that it was _his_ arm doing this, _his_ arm that kept the steady motion going till he would reach out, and grab another. Swallowing was hard, breathing was hard, everything in his mind was flooded with this man.

Slowly breathing in, the citrus soap Father Nikiforov used was light, but present. Yuuri went back to his steady chopping as well. It was quiet in the small kitchen, having Father Nikiforov next to him was nice. Almost calming. With the slightest touch between them.

"How was your day Yuuri?"

"It.. It went well. Thank you for asking Father Nikiforov."

"Yuuri! Don't be so formal with me! Father Vic is more than okay." He smiled down at Yuuri as he said this, placing his hand on his shoulder, rubbing his thumb back and forth, twice. The feeling of those long fingers, igniting on his shoulder, made him feel lighter. Lighter than he ever had before. Everything slowed down, almost stopping.

Then the hand was gone. Father Victor had shifted, leaning over the counter in Yuuri's direction to grab the strainer, pressing their hips together as he did, their forearms brushing. Returning to stand square on his feet, Father Victor smiled down at Yuuri again. He could feel the flush on his face, every single time he smiled at him.

They fell into an easy conversation. Both laughing as they got the salad prepared. After they were done chopping, Father Victor had leaned back on the counter, talking as Yuuri made them tea. It was easy and relaxing. Yuuri always loved when Father Victor came over.

"Yuuri! Check the rice! It should be about ready!" he heard his mother call from the sitting room. Going over to the steamer, the steam from the lid caught his wrist. Feeling like fire had licked there , he pulled his hand away. "ARGH!" he cried out, clutching his wrist, tears welling in his eyes.

"Yuuri!" Father Victor called, seeing him cradling his arm. Rushing over, Father Victor grabbed Yuuri's arm, pulling him to the sink and turning on the cold water. Yuuri could see his wrist was red, and it hurt. Yuuri was breathing in deeply, trying not to cry. Father Victor was gently holding his arm under the water, caressing his forearm as he helped him. At first Yuuri did not notice this, but as the pain subsided, he became very aware of it. Looking up, he saw that ash blond hair hanging over his eye, the concerned, hard look on his face, those aqua eyes fixed on his wrist, and the small rubbing motion across his forearm.

Breathing in deeply, Yuuri tried not to concentrate on the touch, or on how close they were. He knew they were sharing the same air at that moment. Praying Father Victor could not hear his heart hammering in his chest right now. So loud he knew there was an echo in the small kitchen from it.

Father Victor was still rubbing his forearm. After letting go, he spoke. "Hold still Yuuri, keep it under the water a second." He heard Father Victor looking in the their fridge before he came back, behind him. Father Victor pressed his chest into Yuuri's back, placing those arms around his sides and slowly closing the faucet. He had butter in one hand. "This will help, hold still Yuuri," he quietly said in his ear. He was close, very close. He could feel the rumble in his back from him speaking, being pressed so closely to him. When he spoke, he felt the air escape his lips, against his ear. A shiver went down his spine. He could feel in his pants a twitching, and breathing in deep he willed it to stop.

Father Victor stayed behind him, arms wrapped around him, as one hand was rubbing the butter on his wrist to soothe the burn, while the other gently held his arm. He bent over his shoulder and every time he spoke, he knew his lips were close to his ear. Feeling the warm moist breath tickling his ear, his back against Father Victor's chest, Yuuri closed his eyes. It was almost too much. At one point he thought he could feel his cheek against his face, but was afraid to open his eyes.

The fingers gently rubbing his burn were soft, gentle, loving. Yuuri tried to relax, but it was all just too much. So much of Father Victor was consuming him at the moment.

"Yuuri?"

"Hrm?" he barely made out.

"Yuuri, how does that feel? Is the burning sensation going down?"

 _NO!_ "Yes. Th-thank you…"

"Where do you keep the first aid kit? We should put some ointment on it and wrap it."

Yuuri nodded and looked over by the window. Father Victor saw it as well, the First Aid kit. He brought the kit over, back to where Yuuri was, so that he was close again. Back behind Yuuri. Those arms around him, turning the water on, gently washing it.

"Don't want to leave the butter on. I'm sorry Yuuri. If I had known there was a kit here, I would not have rubbed the butter on. I just know my grandmother had done this for me once when I was burned as a child…"

Yuuri's head was spinning. Father Victor was so gentle. Pressed against him, his hands barely touching him at all. As he spoke, chills were shooting down his spine, making his limbs tingle. It caused him to lean more into Father Victor. He heard a slight intake of breath, and Father Victor's hands momentarily stilled before they went back to washing gently.

He used a towel to pat his dry. Yuuri could only stand there, watching the concentration on this man's face. Those beautiful aqua eyes searching inside the kit for what he was looking for. "Ah here it is!"

Turning to face Yuuri, he took his arm carefully, applying the ointment with his fingers gingerly. He rubbed small circles, almost not touching him. "I am not hurting you am I Yuuri?" Yuuri looked up as Father Victor's fingers had stopped moving. He noticed those aqua eyes staring at him. He swallowed.

"I… I'm ok. Th-Thank you," he stammered.

Father Victor laughed as he got out the gauze wrap. "Oh Yuuri, you are so adorable at times." Father Victor's smile was contagious, and Yuuri knew he was blushing as well. He could feel the burn crawling up his cheeks as the gauze was being gently wrapped around his wrist. Smiling, Father Victor looked at him, "There, how does that feel?"

"It is fine, thank you Father Victor."

"Ok, let me clean this up then."

Yuuri's mother walked in and started getting everything out to the table.

During dinner everything went well. Other than the fact that Father Victor had been set next to him. Other than the fact he sat with his thigh tightly pressed to his. Other than the fact he would very subtly move his leg. Other than the fact it was driving him mad. The kitchen with the chopping, the burn and the rubbing, now dinner and the leg. Yuuri thought he was going to die before this was all over.

Thinking to himself, as he felt that thigh burn against his– Does he know? There is no way he could know… could he? Yuuri was sitting up straight, as straight as his back would allow him to. Father Victor had leaned back casually, his arm draped over the back of Yuuri's chair. It had been an amazing meal and Father Victor was full. He was reclined back, sipping his wine.

Yuuri finally sprung out of the chair as the leg pressed against him burned him deep to his core. Collecting dishes he ran back into the kitchen. Clutching the edge of the sink, his heart racing out of his chest, his vision went a little dizzy. What the hell just happened? He cannot take all of this. He had the right amount of might to race out of the kitchen and just go home.

"Ah Yuuri!" There was that voice again. The voice he would follow through the fires of hell. Looking up he saw Father Victor standing in the doorway, bringing in some dishes. "Your mother said it was a nice evening and that you should show me the orchards out back." His smile was contagious and Yuuri nodded in agreement.

The orchards were starting to slowly bloom. In the evening you could see the full flowers blowing gently in the breeze as the sky lit up in hues of purple and pink. They had eight long lines of trees, and they walked down the central row. Yuri always loved coming out in the orchards. They were peaceful. Yuuri would find himself out here a lot to think. He would hide as a child, climbing up into the branches as far as he could, being hidden by the leaves and blossoms. Sometimes he would even fall asleep if the day was warm. His mother always afraid he would fall out of a tree, as they would find him fast asleep up on a branch with his back leaning against the trunk.

It was a peaceful evening. They walked in silence for a long time. The breeze was gently blowing and Yuuri could see the ash blond hair moving slightly as they continued through the orchard.

"Yuuri, how is your wrist feeling?" Yuuri always loved how Father Victor's voice sounded so smooth and velvety. He would sit in mass, hanging on every word that came out of that mouth. His lips would curve on certain syllables, and sometimes Yuuri would just watch his mouth, listening to each word as it came out. It was almost as if Father Victor had picked out which ones would roll off his tongue and into his ears.

Looking down at his wrist, he fingered the bandage lightly, remembering how gentle Father Victor was putting it on him. Remembering how gentle those fingers were on his skin as well. "It's… It is better… thank you." They had stopped at one of the apple trees, in full bloom, promising to bear plentiful fruit. Yuuri was leaned up against the trunk as he stared off to the side, looking down the line of trees around them. Their family had always done the orchards; it had been passed down from his great grandfather to his grandfather and now his father. His father told him one day it would be his or his sister's.

Father Victor was standing there in front of him, close again. He had taken Yuuri's arm, gently stroking the bandage on it. It tickled a little bit and Yuuri squirmed, feeling the bark press against his back as he did so. Father Victor looked at him, his aqua eyes fixed firmly onto his. He tilted his head slightly, like he was in deep thought. He was still gingerly holding Yuuri's wrist, lost in thought.

"Are you seeing anyone special these days Yuuri?"

Yuuri thought that was an odd question. Why would he ask him that? Yuuri had not been seeing anyone. Yuuri never saw anyone. No one ever interested Yuuri. His mother would set him up on blind dates, he would force himself to go, sit and listen to some girl chatter on and on. It did not interest him. Girls did not interest him, though to be perfectly honest, he knew most men did not interest him as well. What did interest him was the fair-haired priest standing before him, gently caressing his arm out in the orchards as the sun set.

Yuuri shook his head while he breathed out, "N-No. N-not right now."

Father Victor turned his head slightly, staring at Yuuri. He took the hand caressing his arm and pushed a strand of hair off his forehead. He had somehow gotten closer. They were only inches apart. Their breath was mingling in the evening breeze. Father Victor was just staring deep into him. His heart leapt into his throat, the bark of the tree digging deeper into his back. Concentrating, he tried to control his breathing.

"Why not Yuuri? Shouldn't you be thinking about a family?" He could have sworn Father Victor had stepped closer. He was so close he was sure he count all of his eye lashes. Yuuri knew there had to be just an inch between them, he was that close. He could feel the heat coming off of Father Victor's body, so close he was.

"I… I don't… I… don't know…" Yuuri was stammering. Being this close to Father Victor was making him drunk in the head. Nothing was in focus. Everything was a blur. His body shivered and the hair on his arms stood. Father Victor had noticed, taking his hands, rubbing his arms. It was like fire licking at his skin with every touch. He rubbed his arms up and down a couple more times. Yuuri had stopped breathing again.

"Yuuri, are you cold? It is a nice evening. Is the breeze getting to you? Maybe we should head back in…" Yuuri was shaking his head. He wanted to stay right there with Father Victor and never leave. He wanted to wrap his arms around him and feel more of that body warmth. He wanted Father Victor to never take his hands off him.

It took him a second to realize the hands were not moving, but were still as they held his forearms. The grip was gentle yet firm. He did not think it was possible, but Father Victor had leaned in more, whispering in his ear, "Yuuri, tell me what is on your mind. Your eyes, they sparkle. What is making them do this?" he could feel Father Victor speaking into his ear, so close he knew his mouth was right there. He was fighting not to simply arch his body and moan. Yuuri did not say anything. He just stood there, being held by his arms, his entire body feeling like it was on fire. This time Father Victor leaned in more, barely pressing him, but touching, "Breath Yuuri." Yuuri let out the air he was holding. He was very aware how their abdomens and chest were touching at this moment, as Father Victor leaned toward his ear to speak. He was very aware of the birds singing their nighttime calls. He was very aware of the breeze blowing Father Victor's hair into his face, tickling his nose.

He did not know what to do, but he knew his arousal would soon be noticeable if he did not change the position they were in. A phone started to ring, and with what sounded like a disappointed sigh Father Victor pulled back, digging his phone out of his pocket and walking a few steps back.

"Yes… Ok… Where at? Give me thirty." Ending the call, he walked back over to Yuuri and took his hand briefly. "I apologize Yuuri, I must go. I need to do a last rite. Can you walk me back?" Yuuri nodded and they headed out the orchard at a faster pace than they had walked in.

 **I am over on Tumblr as Phaytesworld - love reviews btw!**


	3. Chapter 3

Yuuri had started going to the church twice a week after he got off work; together they would go over the finances and he would run the books for Father Victor . They were grossly out of date, and Yuuri offered to set up a program for them on the computer to make things easier. Yuuri knew it would take time, but helping out the church, and spending more time with Father Victor, made it all worth it.

He noticed the mornings before going to work, if he was going to the church afterwards, he would make sure to carefully pick out his outfit and take the time to comb his hair back. He felt ridiculous doing this, but he found himself in front of the mirror brushing it back with his comb every time. He somehow managed to put on a dab of cologne before he felt his cheeks get warm. He shook his head, feeling stupid for spending so much time just to go to work and go help at the church. There was something nagging at him. He knew he had a crush on the priest, and he knew it was wrong, but he could not help it. Something about Father Nikiforov lured him in. It was like a fire was lit within him that he could not put out... and it only grew stronger.

Those days at work would go by painfully slow. His head was barely in his work, and he would watch the clock just waiting for his workday to end. He would find himself lost thinking about Father Nikiforov. The way he would speak, his accent dancing over his lips; he found himself watching his mouth as it would move, the sound of his voice tickling his ear.

He loved being in the church office; normally Father Victor would stay close by, leaning over his shoulder as he went through the program, setting up their numbers and expenses. It was boring and tedious work, yet Father Victor always seemed entranced and excited about it. He would light up when the numbers would start to line up, saying he did not know how they went so long doing it all by hand.

Yuuri would laugh and continue to go through the handwritten books, constantly looking back at his laptop as he typed away. They were still doing things by hand till he got everything inputted. He knew the process would go a lot faster if it was not for him being distracted by Father Victor leaning over him, cheek close to his, watching the screen. It would slow him down, knowing all he had to do was turn his head for Father Nikiforov to be right there. There were times he could swear he could feel Father Victor's breath on his ear. Yuuri would squirm a bit and have to clear his throat. He was not going to get anything done at this rate.

"Father Nikiforov…"

"Please Yuuri, Father Vic is more than acceptable." He put his hand on his shoulder. Yuuri had to close his eyes, pushing his glasses back up his nose.

"Father Victor, sorry, your back… being bent over… you are going to hurt yourself, why don't you sit?" He moved his computer over on the desk more so they could both see it, sliding the books a bit. It was like this every time. He had to point out to Father Victor that sitting there was better than leaning over. The former would always come close to him, but here there was no one watching. It made him stir in ways he should not, especially in a church.

Father Victor had brought a chair over and set it right next to him. He would lean forward, allowing their shoulders to touch. The first contact would always make him stop breathing for a minute. Yuuri noticed Father Victor always seemed to be touching him. Maybe that was just the person he was. The first few times they had gotten together to do all this, it really set him on edge, not sure how to handle it. It was a hand on the shoulder as he leaned over him, touching his arm, at one point he even pushed his glasses back for him.

It reminded him of the night in the orchard. Being so close to him. There was a point he could have sworn Father Victor was about to kiss him. He would shake his head and push those thoughts way. He had to be imagining it. Catholic priests do not do that, he would tell himself. Just something seemed so different when they were together. He could not pinpoint what it was, but he knew he wanted more, but he knew he should not. He would suppress those thoughts.

Father Victor had reached over him, grabbing a book, his entire body arched over his as he did so , his shoulder pressing into his chest momentarily. Yuuri knew his heart would beat out of his chest and that he would pass out if he did not start breathing again. The smell of Father Victor, incense, wood and spice. Shutting his eyes, he would try to impress that scent into memory. He never wanted to forget it.

"Would it be easier if I held the book here or maybe called out some numbers for you?"

"Um… Yeah.. sure, that would… help," Yuuri whispered as he tried to focus on his spreadsheet.

They had worked for a long time, losing track of the time. Yuuri could hear his stomach rumble and went to check his watch. It was well past eight already.

"Father Victor, it is getting late, I should probably be going," he heard his stomach rumble again. He had not eaten since lunch that day, and as much as he hated it, he was hungry.

"Oh Yuuri, yes, let me apologize. I did not realize I kept you so late. You must be famished. I know I am."

"I don't mind helping, plus we are making good progress here."

"Yes we are. Come on, I have some casserole that Yuuko brought me. We could warm it up."

Yuuri's cheeks turned red, "You mean….?" Was he really suggesting what he thought he was? To go and have dinner at his place?

"Come on Yuuri, pack up, my cottage is right behind the church." He saw Father Victor closing the book and setting it in the drawer of the desk. His stomach grumbled again. "Yuuri, I can hear your stomach from here," Father Victor smiled, staring right at him.

"Let me just make sure everything saves…" Yuuri fumbled with his laptop and got it all put away. He grabbed his messenger bag, packing it away.

They had walked out the church and Yuuri stood there as Father Victor locked the back door. He held his bag tightly to his side, not sure what to think of all this. They walked through the edge of the woods down a driveway of sorts. The sun had already set and you could hear the insects buzzing all around. There were lights that went up the driveway and they were soon at the cottage. It was small and tucked away in the trees. Yuuri thought it was perfect. Father Victor unlocked the door and held it open as Yuuri stepped through.

Father Victor had turned a lamp on at the side table. Yuuri looked around _–_ it was a small living room they were in. It had a couch, coffee table, and side table. There was a small television and what looked like a radio. There was a picture of the Last Supper on the wall behind the couch and a wooden cross on the other wall.

"Set your bag down Yuuri. I will go heat up some food. There is a TV and a radio. Please make yourself comfortable." Yuuri was not really sure what to do, so he set his bag down by the door and sat uncomfortably. There was not much to the cottage, that did not surprise him at all. He was just surprised he was there.

"Yuuri, do you like wine? I have some red." He heard called from the kitchen. He was uncomfortable so he got up and walked to the kitchen.

"Y-yes… red is fine." He stood at the doorway watching Father Victor open a bottle and pull out two stemless plain wine glasses. When Father Victor realized Yuuri was there, he smiled and started opening the bottle. His smile would make him blush a little, and he knew this, but he did not care as long as that smile would continue.

"I hope Merlot is ok." He kept that smile on his face and Yuuri nodded. He was never big on wine, but right now, wine sounded good. There was a small kitchen table with two chairs over to the side. Victor handed him a glass and gestured to the table. They sat and Victor was just staring at him, Yuuri shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

"Oh Yuuri, allow me to apologize. I am not use to having company over," Father Victor laughed, then sipped his wine. "This a very lonely profession I must admit."

"Oh?" Yuuri had never thought of it that way. He figured Father Victor did have a point. Sure he had the congregation, but outside of that, that was it.

Victor sat back and crossed his ankle on his knee, "Yeah, I mean, the parish is amazing, don't get me wrong, most nights I can find dinner at a family's house, but at the end of the day, it is just me and God." He watched Father Victor do the sign of the cross.

"Oh I see." Yuuri did not know what to say. So he drank his wine. They sat in silence as neither knew what to say now that they were not working on the books. Yuuri had almost finished his glass when Father Victor filled it back up. He was telling himself over and over not to stare at him. He did not think the man had any idea just how beautiful he was.

After a few minutes of tense silence, Father Victor chimed in, "It is good seeing you back in the church."

"Yes, it is good being back. I've missed it all, really." Yuuri was trying not to kick himself. He wish he knew what to say, but he never was one to initiate conversation. "So um… how long have you… well.. Been doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"You know, being a priest and all."

"Well I have been running my own parishes now for a few years."

"What made you decide?"

The timer went off for the dinner. Victor smiled and went to get their food. The casserole did smell amazing. He made them two plates and they sat eating silently. Yuuri did not realize how hungry he really was, and the two glasses of wine had really hit him on an empty stomach.

Sitting back after finishing his plate, he sipped his wine. He saw Father Victor staring over at him. He could feel the blush creep up his cheeks. Sometimes, when he caught him staring, it would make him wonder what he was thinking. He always seemed so deep in thought in those moments. Then he would smile when their eyes met.

"Thank you Father, dinner was good."

"Oh Yuuri, don't thank me, it was all Yuuko."

Yuuri went to get the plates to clean up when Father Victor grabbed his wrist. "Yuuri, no, let me. Please sit."

Sitting back down he watched Father Victor take the two plates, setting them in the sink. "Let's go to the living room and sit for a bit, yes?" Yuuri nodded and they went in the living room. He sat on the couch and started to fidget with his hands. He was not sure really what to say and hated how he had a hard time sometimes just talking to people.

"Yuuri, what is wrong?" He could see the concern in Father Victor's face.

"Ugh… nothing. Nothing I'm just… well…"

"Oh Yuuri, just relax. Finish your wine. Here, let me turn on some music, okay?" He could see Father Victor get up, going over to the radio turning on something soft. "See, a little background noise is good. I always leave this on here, makes me feel less alone."

"Is it truly that lonely?"

"Very." Father Victor sat on the other end of the couch, Yuuri looked up and saw those aqua eyes fixed on him.

Yuuri fidgeted some more but was able to finish his glass of wine. Even having had dinner he could feel the effects on him. He wasn't use to drinking.

"Um… Father, do you mind if I get some water? Sort of feeling the wine. I don't really… and it's getting…. "

"Oh Yuuri, yes yes! Don't think you even need to ask." Father Victor got up and went to the kitchen, bringing Yuuri back some water. "It is ok, just sit back and relax. Why don't tell me about where you were before coming back home?"

They settled into an easy conversation. Yuuri had downed his water and was relaxing in the couch. Once he got over his fidgeting everything was back running smoothly. Yuuri spoke of his days in college and then trying to stay out there but it just not feeling right, so he came back home to be closer to his family. Yuuri had been talking a lot and felt himself feeling self-conscious again. He saw Father Victor smiling at him and he relaxed again. It took a bit, but he was really comfortable around him.

"So Father.. how did you decide… to… well you know… become a priest?"

"Ah yes, well Yuuri, you see, I did not always live the simple life. We won't go into all that now though, but I had a car accident. It was really bad. I still have a scar that travels down the back of my head. If you look closely, you can see it." Father Victor had traced it with his fingers and tilted his head in Yuuri's direction.

"Really?" Yuuri was intrigued and he had sat up onto his knees on the couch getting next to Father Victor. Yuuri was not sure if it was him feeling comfortable, the wine, or a combination of both. He had taken Father Victor's hand where it was tracing the scar on his head and moved it. He could not believe how soft his hair was. Yuuri was not paying attention to how close he had gotten to Father Victor, and was parting his hair, looking for the scar. He could now see the scar; it was pink and ran from the base of his skull to the crown of his hair. Yuuri was using his finger, tracing it when he snapped back to reality. He was kneeled next to Father Victor, his thigh and hip pressed into him as he leaned over tracing the scar on his head. His face immediately went red and he pulled away from Father Victor, going back to his seat on the couch. He coughed nervously and they went back to gentle conversation.

Between the wine, the music and a long day, Yuuri was feeling very sleepy and ended up nodding off on the edge of the couch.

* * *

Father Victor held his breath. Yuuri had somehow gotten to his knees next to him, pressing against him and was running his fingers through his hair. He felt his chest tighten and knew he had forgotten all about breathing at that moment. Yuuri's thigh was pressed against him and his fingers were all too gentle. He had closed his eyes, feeling the press of Yuri next to him. It had felt like hours he was up there seemingly playing with his hair. He tried to breath slowly, knowing if he did not sit still and concentrate, he would lose focus on everything. Yuuri's nails lightly scratched at his scalp and it took everything in him not to moan out. He missed being touched so much, but he knew this was the sacrifice he had made going into this. He knew this was his calling.

 _But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh._ ** _(Galatians 5:16)_**

He said a silent prayer of thanks when Yuuri scrambled back over to his side of the couch. It was enduring to see just how flushed his face had gotten. He could not help but notice how cute it was. He would fidget his hands in his lap and nervously try to bring up a conversation. They talked quietly and then they were just listening to music. He noticed Yuuri had nodded off. It was around ten and the wine and long day probably got to him. He was curled on the end of the couch with his head on the arm rest.

He knew it was Yuuri's eyes that drew him in, but as he spent more time with him, he could not but notice all the differences in him from his past lover. They were night and day. Father Victor really liked that. He sat there on the end of the couch just watching Yuuri doze. His face was relaxed and he felt bad for making his day so long, but he would not have changed it. Once Yuuri had gotten over his shyness, he noticed how easy it was to just talk with him. Nothing forced, just easy conversation. When they hit something he was passionate about, he could see his eyes dancing and sparkling, drawing him in. He had to remind himself a few times not to reach out and just take his hand. No, he could not do that.

Getting up off the couch, he walked over to where Yuuri was curled up, smiling to himself, he slipped off Yuuri's glasses, setting them on the side table. He could not take his eyes off him. Noticing a few strands of hair had fallen on his forehead, he gently brushed them back. When he did this, he watched Yuuri scrunch his nose a bit and he had to stop himself from laughing out loud. Leaning over he kissed his forehead softly. He would let him rest a bit.

Gathering his bible he went back to the other end of the couch, listening to music and reading. He kept finding himself looking over where Yuuri was sleeping. He kept having urges to grab him and pull Yuuri to his chest and let him curl up. Shaking his head, he knew he should not be having these thoughts.

 _For to be carnally minded [is] death; but to be spiritually minded [is] life and peace._ **_(Romans 8:6)_**

Setting down his bible he went to kitchen to get a glass of water. The images of Yuuri curled up next to him sleeping would not leave his mind. Fingers to his forehead, midsection, and left and right shoulder.

Deciding it was better to stay in the kitchen for the time being, he left the living room, knowing that if he stayed there with Yuuri sleeping, he would only stare at him and be tempted by his thoughts. He washed the two plates from dinner and put the leftover casserole back in the fridge. He cleaned down the counters and wiped off the table top as well. He could not think of anything else to do to occupy himself in the kitchen.

Looking back over, he saw Yuuri still curled up, his eyes still shut and his breathing steady. Sighing deeply he went back to the couch, sitting down. He decided he would go over next weekend's sermon and prepare himself. He did find himself every now and then, peaking up and smiling at Yuuri, still curled up sleeping. Feeling guilty again, though he did not know why, he shut his bible and ran his fingers through his hair. He knew what he was feeling when he looked at Yuuri – it was sinful. It was wrong. He knew God would be looking down on him, knowing what was in his mind. How he would picture Yuuri curled up to him as he would lightly run his fingers through his hair, or down his jawline…

 _If ye love me, keep my commandments._ ** _(John 14:15)_**

He felt the couch moving and saw Yuuri was stirring, then he sat up abruptly, rubbing his eyes. Closing his bible and setting it down, he looked back to Yuuri. Patting his knee he could see Yuuri looking around for his glasses.

"Yuuri, your glasses – they are on the side table. Do you see them?"

Yuuri went to get his glasses, his face was blushing again, "I… I'm so sorry Father Victor…"

"Nonsense Yuuri. You were tired. No harm done." He patted Yuuri's knee again. He watched Yuuri check the time. "I should probably head on home. It is late."

"Let me walk you out to your car. It is in the church parking lot, right?" Yuuri nodded.

It was close to midnight and everything was dark and quiet. They could hear the insects in the background. The moon was full and Father Victor could not help but keep glancing over at Yuuri as they walked. He could not help thinking how intimate the walk seemed even though neither one said anything. They did not need to say anything.

The walk seemed to be too short, and Father Victor was not ready for it all to end. He knew he would see Yuuri again soon. That did help. At his car, he saw Yuuri fish for his keys then start to fidget again.

"Thank you for dinner." Yuuri was looking down at his shoes.

"Anytime Yuuri. We really appreciate all the work you are doing for us." Not thinking he took his hand and put it under Yuuri's chin, tilting his face up to him. Those eyes locked on him and in the light of the moon he was stunned for a moment. This was Yuuri, definitely Yuuri, not his past lover. His thumb traced briefly over his jaw and he leaned forward, kissing his cheek. He heard a gasp from Yuuri and he let go of his chin, seeing those eyes open widely in surprise.

"Good night Yuuri. I will see you soon." Backing away he watched Yuuri get into his car and back out of the parking lot. He stood there till he could no longer see the car lights and started the walk back to his cottage.

 _For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting._ ** _(Galatians 6:8)_**


	4. Chapter 4

Sometimes Yuuri would wonder if anyone at work would even notice if he was not there. He sat at his desk, softly banging his head on his desk hating every minute there. His coworkers were boring, the office was plain, his job was tedious. He knew that if he left, they would just get someone else with a degree to fill his spot. Nothing about the job was special or meaningful. Nor what he had planned. He did not even personalize his desk. He had his laptop, his messenger bag, and his tea mug. His other coworkers had their desks littered in pictures drawn by their kids, family photos, pet photos, special mugs claiming 'World's Best' something.

Yuuri looked down at his mug. An old college one. Probably the most personal thing he kept at work. His boss always told him he could bring things in for his desk, to feel more at home. Yuuri got a pen cup and some generic pens at the store. He had files on his desk and he kept them somewhat neat and would just work. Not at this moment, no, he was still banging his head lightly on his desk. Curious if were he to get up and just leave, whether they would even realize it? He was sure they would by the deadline of the project, when he did not promptly turn in his work.

This was not how he had planned his life. Being almost 27, stuck in a job he loathed and living back home tucked away in a tiny apartment near his parents. He knew there was something more for him, but what? That was what he did not know. He felt he was walking through motions but he was not living. This was not living. Where was the excitement? Where was the adventure?

He had one friend at work. Another guy around his age, but he worked on the other side of the building. They would meet up for lunch and complain about how much they hate their jobs. It made things easier and gave him something to look forward to at least while at work. Most of the time he sat watching the clock, waiting for the evening to come. Normally he would go by the church or to his mother's for dinner.

Banging his head even harder on his desk, he saw just how truly sad his life was. A dead end job, dinner at his mother's, and a crush on his priest. Groaning he sat up, and then realized that though he had been banging his head on his desk for quite some time, no one had seemed to notice. He shook his head, grabbing his mug and heading to the break room. Maybe a cup of tea would help.

Back at his desk, his mother called to confirm if he was stopping by for dinner. It was not one of the nights he would go work at the church so he agreed. He did love the time he spent with his parents for the years he was away; he truly had missed them. His sister had gone off and married and was pregnant with her first child, and his parents were over the moon. His mother would ask him when was he going to settle down and raise a family. He did not have the heart to tell her that would never happen.

Pulling up at his mother's that evening after work, he saw an unfamiliar car in the driveway. Groaning immediately he knew what that meant. He was about to back out the driveway and just go home when his mother came out waving at him. Plastering a smile on his face, he turned off the car and got out, hugging his mother.

"Mother what have you done?"

"Why Yuuri, whatever do you mean?"

"Mother, I see another car in the driveway…"

"Oh that is just a friend Yuuri, now come, I want you to meet her!"

And there is was. Yuuri groaned. "Mother… Again?"

"Yuuri now stop it. She is a nice pretty girl from church. I invited her to dinner. Now come be nice." His mother pulled him into the house.

As they walked into the kitchen, Yuuri saw a girl with long brown hair standing by the counter sipping on tea.

"Yuuri, this is Sara. You probably know her from church. Sara, my son Yuuri."

Yuuri looked over to the girl. She was pretty, he had to give her that. Violet eyes, long brown hair, curves where they should be. He knew she was very attractive, and he knew he should feel lucky she was there smiling at him in his mother's kitchen, no matter how odd the situation was. He held his hand out and greeted her kindly.

"I am going to go watch the news while the dinner sets. Why don't you two talk." His mother winked at him and he felt like groaning, but he knew better not too. So Yuuri smiled and went to make a cup of tea himself.

"So Yuuri, your mother tells me you are an accountant."

"Yes, what do you do?"

"Oh I am a teacher at the elementary school."

Of course she was. Yuuri could already see his mother planning their wedding. Here he was the accountant, her the teacher. He chuckled softly and she looked at him.

"Oh sorry, was just thinking… never mind. So um… tell me about yourself then." He figured since she was here he might as well be nice. His mother said they had about an hour or so before dinner would be ready. She said Yuuri should take Sara out to the orchards and show her around. He plastered the smile to his face, the smile that never did quite reach his eyes, and walked her outside.

They walked down the line of trees, the wind blowing and the flowers more so in bloom than the last time he was out there. He figured it was easy to talk about which tree was what, and the orchard. It was easier than talking about himself. She seemed to really be listening to everything he said. As the wind would blow, her dress would dance around her thighs, and Yuuri knew if he was attracted to her, this would be driving him crazy.

He was showing her a tree he used to climb as a kid and she got to giggling. "Oh Yuuri. You should always climb trees! When you stop climbing trees it truly means you have grown up! Come on!" She had grabbed the branch and started to lift her leg. Yuuri thought this was odd as she was wearing a dress but she smiled at him and hopped on the branch. He had to laugh for a moment and he grabbed the branch as well climbing up.

They sat in the tree, watching out around them in the orchard. Birds flying by and insects buzzing. It was actually all too perfect. The only problem was, he wasn't here with who he wanted to be there with. He knew most guys would fight and claw to be where he was with a beautiful girl next to him. A girl who he realized was sitting all too close to him all of a sudden on the branch with her head on his shoulder.

"You could really lose yourself out here, couldn't you Yuuri?" He nodded. He used to lose himself all the time in the orchard as a child. He knew exactly what she meant. She lifted her head and looked him, her eyes were mesmerizing, he had to admit that. "I am glad your mother invited me Yuuri, I've seen you at church… I wanted to get to know you…" She brushed his hair behind his ear. "I see you in church, you always seem so happy and smiling. I would like to get to know you better Yuuri."

Yuuri was not sure what to say; normally he just went to dates then just would not call them for another date. This woman here was interested in him, and out in the orchard with him. Reminded him of the night he had Father Victor out in the orchard with him. Thinking of it now, that was who he would rather be out here with.

They chatted some more and then got down and headed back to the house, figuring dinner was almost ready. They were laughing as they got to the back door when it swung open and he saw Father Victor smiling at them both. "Oh Yuuri! Sara! Lovely you are back. Dinner will be ready in 5 minutes!"

Sara smiled and tightened her hold on Yuuri's arm, smiling. "Oh Father Vic! So good to see you! What brings you here?" As they walked in, Sara let go of his arm and then promptly hooked her arm back through his once they were back in the kitchen.

"Well I was at the store, getting something for dinner, when I ran into Yuuri's father. He said he could not allow me to go home and eat a TV dinner when we all know Yuuri's mother is the best cook in town!" He was smiling widely and Yuuri was captivated. Those aqua eyes always seemed alive and bright. He did not know how the man did it. Even in simple clothing, he was stunning. He felt himself drawn into those eyes, then the tug on his arm snapped him back to reality. Sara was pulling him into the dining room.

They sat on one side of the table, as his mother and Father Victor sat on the other side and his father at the head. The dinner was amazing and they all kept a polite conversation. Sara really was a sweet girl, and very easy to get along with. He did realize this. He did not feel stiff and uncomfortable – but he also knew he felt no attraction toward her, regardless how beautiful she was.

"Yuuri, did you know Sara and her brother both do a lot of work with the youth groups at church?" his mother was telling him.

This caused Sara and his mother to talk about different things that were going on, and his mother volunteering him to help.

"Oh the Yard Sale Saturday? Yes! Yuuri, I am sure you wouldn't mind helping Sara setup, now would you?" his mother asked.

He could feel those aqua eyes set on him and he shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, I could help. No problem." Sara smiled, as did his mother and Father Victor.

"Yuuri, that is great. I will be there as well. Our youth group has an amazing set of young adults and even better leaders. This will be exciting." Father Victor replied. That smile again, those eyes. He looked over and saw Sara smiling over at him as well and she had taken her hand and placed it on top of his. When he looked back over to Father Victor, he saw the smile was gone, and his eyes fixed on their hands.

After dinner Sara wanted to go back out to the orchards. Of course his mother sent them right on outside. The sun was low and if he did not know better, it was romantic. Sara was a ball of chatter and was flipping her hair and smiling the best she could. Yuuri really did think it was cute, just that was all.

They worked their way halfway through the orchard before Sara stopped and started to fiddle with the flowers on a branch and was looking at Yuuri. He could find himself wishing her eyes were aqua and not violet. Wishing she were taller… wishing she was someone else. He tried to push those thoughts out of his head as he knew it was hopeless. She was easy to talk with, and comfortable to be around. She would loop her arm in his as they walked. When they walked their way back, before exiting the orchards, she got on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

"Yuuri, I had a lot of fun tonight. I always hate these things when my parents try to set me up… but I didn't tonight." She was blushing and looking down at her sandals. Yuuri did have a good night, though he wish he could feel something more. She was very beautiful, maybe if he tried hard enough…. No no, that was not fair to her.

"Can I see you again Yuuri?"

Without thought he nodded as inside his head was screaming _NO_. Sara smiled at him and they made plans for dinner in a few nights before the yard sale.

* * *

Of all the times to be invited to dinner. Father Victor was thrilled to have run into Mr. Katsuki, and even more thrilled when he was invited to dinner. Mrs. Katsuki was hands down one of the best cooks in town, and invites there were golden. Being as it was a not a night Yuuri came by to work on the books, he was also hoping he would be there.

When he got to their house, he parked on the street as there were already other cars in the driveway. He was noticed an extra car and he knew exactly whose it was. He felt like just leaving right then and there, but that since Mr. Katsuki had invited him, it would seem odd if he just left. Grabbing the bottle of wine, he went up to the front door with Mr. Katsuki and went inside.

"Oh Father Victor! So lovely to see you!" She took the wine then leaned over to kiss her husband hello.

"Yes dear, he was buying a pitiful frozen dinner at the store, I could not let him leave with that."

"Yes yes, you are right. And I am glad you are here! Father Victor, Yuuri took Sara out to the orchards, you are more than welcome to sit with Toshiya as he watches the news."

"That sounds perfect. Thank you."

"Would you like tea or wine, Father Victor?"

"Wine will be good."

They went to settle in the sitting room and his mind was being drawn to Yuuri. He knew exactly why Sara was here. She was a beautiful single woman in the church. Her and her brother did a lot of work with the youth, and he was sure Sara and Yuuri's parents set this all up. Sara was a beautiful girl and full of life. She was an elementary school teacher, lived quietly and was always willing to volunteer at church. If there was someone Father Victor would set up with Yuuri, it would be her.

Though he did not want that. Secretly he did not. He would not allow himself to admit it, but it was eating at him. Knowing he was in the house, watching news, While Yuuri and Sara were out in the orchard. He drank his glass of wine too quickly and decided a cup of tea was in order; he did not want to drink too much.

In the kitchen while the water was heating, he could see two figures working their way back towards the house. As they got closer, he could see the laughter and smiles. It was good seeing Yuuri like that, and though something nagged at him, he tried to ignore it. He continued to watch them come up the hill to the back door and before he could stop himself, he was opening the door for them, trying his damnedest to make his smile genuine. Somehow Sara could not keep herself from wrapping her arm around Yuuri's the entire time.

He could not tell you what was made for dinner; he ate but he could not taste it. He could not tell you most of the conversation had. He could tell you Sara would continue to pat Yuuri's hand, rub his shoulder and look over at him smiling. Father Victor knew he would need to pray over this. He should not be feeling this way, he should not be having these thoughts. He could feel the guilt building in him, but he could feel his anger build on top of it. He could feel the jealousy stirring inside and the lust swirl and meet. He was feeling too many things at once and thought he was going to just lose it right there during dinner.

 _Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body [is] not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body._ ( **_1 Corinthians 6:13_** )

He knew he had to get out of there. After dinner he helped clear out the dishes and he watched as Yuri and Sara go back outside to walk. He stood at the kitchen window as the two started their journey down to the orchard when he saw Yuuri turn and lock eyes with him. Yuuri gave him a sad smile then turned back focusing ahead of him.

As much as he wanted to leave, he did not want to be rude, so he accepted tea and sat with the Katsukis and chatted a bit after dinner. Father Victor was curious how long Yuuri would stay out in the orchard with Sara, but he also knew he did not want to think too hard about it. Yuuri would be at the church office tomorrow, then they had the youth group's yard sale. He knew Sara would be at the yard sale too, but he knew the youth would be pulling her in a million directions.

After an hour, Father Victor thought that was reasonable timing to excuse himself and head home. Go home to his quiet, lonely cabin in the woods. Go home and not think about Yuuri in the orchard with Sara. Go home and pray to the Lord over the feelings he is having. He just needed to go home.

He sat in his living room reading and listening to music. His bottle wine now long empty and he was feeling the weight of the day. He had prayed over his thoughts, he had done Rosaries, yet he still was not feeling better. He continued to pray, pray that he would stop having these feelings, pray he would be able to just go back to leading his parish, and pray he could get Yuuri out of his mind.

That night Yuuri riddled his dreams. He was out in the orchard again. Though in his dreams, he was brave enough to lean in and kiss Yuuri. In his dream Yuuri had wrapped his arms around him, welcoming the kiss and moaning into it. In his dream he could feel Yuuri pressed tightly against him, his body trembling and warm. In his dreams he was not a priest.

He woke up to his cock hard and his body covered in sweat. Fingers to forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right. Groaning he threw his shirt off and fell back on the pillows. This was not good. Not good at all. Sighing heavily, he looked up to the ceiling and just did not know what to do anymore. He was fine before all this. He never questioned anything about his choices. The minute he laid eyes on Yuuri, it all changed. He questioned everything in his life.

How in the world was he going to get through tomorrow?

 _Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. (_ ** _Colossians 3:5_** )

* * *

Yuuri would be coming by that evening. He felt nervous and giddy at all the same time. He felt shame for looking forward to it so much. He knew from everything in his learning, from his Holy Orders, that everything in his mind right now was sinful. He could not help but think of how Yuuri looked in the moonlight, under the orchard tree, in the kitchen that evening, even sitting in his office going over numbers.

Pulling out his rosary, fingers moving over the beads, doing ten beads in a row, five in a loop. Concentrating, the prayer was not working. His thoughts still went to Yuuri each time. Those eyes, full of innocence and wonder, staring at him.

He groaned and set the rosary down. It was his past lover's rosary he was carrying around. It almost made him feel guilty, but keeping it close by reminded him why he did what he did. It reminded him his oath and love for God.

Then there was Sara in the mix now. Sure, they had just met, but it seemed as if they were hitting it off well. Why wouldn't they? Yuuri was an amazing guy, Sara was a charming woman. They would be perfect together. They had a lot in common and if they hung out more, they could really hit it off. This made him feel sick. The thought of Yuuri with someone else. Hugging them, kissing them… he stopped that train of thought immediately.

Struggling with what to do, he sat back in his chair and rubbed his eyes. He had not slept well the night before, his dreams being riddled with Yuuri. Those eyes, his smile and laugh. Remembering the evening in the orchard, how much it was taking from him not to lean in and just press his lips to his. It would have been so easy. Yuuri looked as if he would have accepted it. Those eyes going wide, pupils enlarging, it would have been so easy…. But his phone rang. He figured it was a message from God. Of all the times for it to ring.

The kiss by the car had been on an impulse. Just a kiss on the cheek. Yuuri seemed stunned, but he did not back away. He stood there with that expression that made him want to hug him and to laugh. Checking the time again, he knew Yuuri would soon be there. Getting up, he went to the small kitchen in the church and started preparing some tea. Yuuri seemed to have a liking for green tea, so he thought starting the kettle could occupy him for a few minutes.

Walking back to his office, he could feel the anticipation building inside him. Being around Yuuri made him happy. He felt lighter, he felt giddy, he felt he had a reason to look forward to the next day. The way he had been going through life the last few years, consumed by God and his duty, made him wonder what life was really about. Sure he could serve his parish, he could serve God, but was he living? Before he began serving the Lord, he was living wrong. He was taking advantage of everything he had. Then he was living, not loving. He thought what he felt for his lost lover was love, but after being in the church, and being around Yuuri, he questioned everything.

He needed a middle ground with both. Life and Love. He would either have one or the other. Never together.

How had a few short weeks with this young man make him question everything in his life? How he lived and how he was living. He set the cups down on the desk and sat back in his chair (fingers to forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right); he prayed to God for the ability to work through this. To find the balance between life and love. To somehow even manage it all with Yuuri.

He heard the light knock on the door, even though it was open. Opening his eyes he looked to see Yuuri standing there. He had his messenger bag slung across his body and a blank expression.

"Good evening Father Nikiforov."

"Haven't I told you, Father Vic is more than acceptable?"

"Every time…"

"Please Yuuri, every time, Father Vic is more than okay."

"Sorry, Father Victor." Yuuri would then blush. They went through this every time they met. It was almost endearing.

Yuuri had come in and set his messenger bag on the extra chair, getting his laptop out.

"So how was your day, Yuuri?"

Yuuri grunted a bit, "Terrible, just glad it is over, really." He was setting up his laptop.

"Oh? Anything you care to talk about?"

Yuuri looked at him, almost as if he was considering it, then shook his head. "No, it is fine Father Victor. Just been really… busy." It seemed like there was something more, something he was holding back, but he did not to press or pressure him.

"I made tea – I know you like green tea."

Yuuri sat down and grabbed the cup, closing his eyes he brought the cup to his lips and sipped it. He could have sworn he saw all Yuuri's day's troubles wash away. Yuuri relaxed back in the chair for a moment as his laptop was powering up.

"Thank you Father Victor. My mother swears tea can cure all." He took another sip. He kept watching how his bottom lip would poke out a bit as he brought the cup to his mouth. Pulling the cup away there was a drop of tea to the corner of his mouth, and not thinking, Father Victor took his thumb and brushed it away. Yuuri looked at him, his eyes wide open and a blush across his cheeks. The sound of the computer booted up startled them both: Yuuri jumped a bit and started putting in his password.

They were silent as Yuuri brought up the program they were working in. Father Victor took the book out and got comfortable in the chair next to Yuuri. He did not know what it was that made him constantly want to reach out to Yuuri, but he always found himself touching him or wanting to touch him. Even now as they sat next to one another his shoulder was touching Yuuri's. He felt at peace when he did this. It was intimate, but it was innocent. At least this is what he told himself.

He could tell Yuuri was not as relaxed today as he was most of the other days. Normally he came in all smiles and just talked on and on about different things. Today he had greeted him with a blank expression – then he had gone quiet.

"Yuuri, You are tense."

"I'm fine."

"Yuuri… If there…"

"I said I am fine!" Yuuri spat back, not looking at him. He was not ready for this. His face was hard and stern. Something was wrong and bothering him. Yuuri finally turned to look at him. His eyes were hard and seemed far away in thought. Brushing a few strands of hair that fell on his forehead, he continued looking into those eyes.

"Yuuri, something is wrong. I am not only your priest, but I would hope you saw me as your friend too."

Yuuri groaned, covering his face with his hands and barely whispered out, "Maybe that is part the problem."

"What was that?"

"Nothing! Nothing… let's get back to work."

He was not use to seeing Yuuri like this. He was so tense and he was so closed off. Normally he could sit and relax, but he could feel emotions coming off of Yuuri and they bled into him. All he wanted to do was to reach over and take his hand and have him speak to him. He wanted to tell him what ever was going on, everything would be okay. Instead he sat silently next to him, praying that whatever was going on with him would pass smoothly.

He did not try to speak for a long time. Just sat next to Yuuri. Leaning back, watching him as he typed out the numbers. He could see Yuuri concentrating and taking out whatever frustrations on his keyboard. It was so hard to just sit there and watch this happening in front of him. After an hour of this, he could not take it anymore.

"Yuuri, why don't we just call it a day," he sighed out.

Yuuri did not even look over him. "No I am fine. If you have things to do, I can finish up here."

He couldn't help it, and he put his hand on his forearm. He heard Yuuri's sharp intake of air when his hand touched his arm and he had stopped typing. He watched Yuuri close his eyes and take in a deep slow breath. Leaving his eyes closed Yuuri said, "Father Victor, I am okay, I promise… just… just let me finish this part up." Yuuri put his hand on top of his on his arm. That hand felt so soft and warm on his. It felt right.

"Okay finish up, then let's walk to the diner. I am in the mood for a hamburger and milkshake." He saw Yuuri relax and give half a smile. It took him a few minutes to get to a stopping point and then went to pack up his stuff.

"Just leave your bag; we can come back and pick it up – I'll lock my office." Yuuri nodded and they headed off. They walked a block silently then he couldn't take it anymore. "So you're going to help Saturday at the yard sale?"

"Yeah, seems like it would be fun. Plus it is for the church and youth. I think mom wanted me to come get some things for it tomorrow after work."

"Ah, your mother. Bless her. Such an amazing woman." He knew what he wanted to ask Yuuri, and yet he could not figure out how to ask him how yesterday evening in the orchard went without seeming nosey. "Sara is a really sweet girl."

Yuuri stopped and just stared at were on the sidewalk headed to the diner. Yuuri just stared at him, and he tilted his head, looking at him back, trying to read his expression. He was not sure what it was. He saw Yuuri's shoulders slump and he started walking again.

"Yeah, she does seem nice."

"She does a lot with the youth at the church. And she is quite pretty." He looked at Yuuri and winked, watching his cheek turn red and attempt to hide his face.

"Yeah… yeah… um… can we talk about… something…. else?" Yuuri had gotten quiet again.

They had arrived at the diner and went taking two stools at the end of the counter again. When the server showed up, they both ordered milkshakes and Yuuri smiled. Yuuri had relaxed again, but he was still being quiet.

"Yuuri, you are far too quiet today. You worry me."

"I'm sorry, just a lot on my mind. Work and all."

Father Victor could see he was still holding back. Sighing deeply he sipped his milkshake, praying Yuuri would open to him. They could sit easily in a comfortable silence, but that was not what he wanted. He wanted to know what put Yuuri in such a mood.

"I have a date with Sara tomorrow." Yuuri just spit it out before shoving a fry in his mouth.

He almost choked on his soda. His vision went black for a moment. Did Yuuri say date? He really should have seen that happening. "Yuuri… that is wonderful," he managed to say.

"Is it?" Yuuri looked right at him, his eyes challenging him.

He did not know what to say. He could not tell him it was the worst news he had gotten today (and he did a last rite that morning). He put his smile on his face, putting his hand on his shoulder, "Yes Yuuri, Sara is a sweet girl. I could not think of a better person for her to go on a date with." He really did mean that, at least that is what he was telling himself.

Yuuri shrugged and went back to his food. "Fine then."

They did not talk much more at dinner. The walk back to the church was quiet as well. He could hear their steps echo down the hallway to his office.

Opening his door, he did not give Yuuri much room to pass, as he walked by to get his bag, they were face to face. Yuuri paused and just stared in his eyes. His expression was different. Almost pleading, yet he did not say anything. Sighing heavily he continued into the room and grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder across his body. Going out the room he did not move and made Yuuri turn sideways, face him sliding by. This time Yuuri looked down as he went past him.

The silence between them was killing Father Victor. He walked Yuuri out to his car and saw him standing there, looking down, shuffling his feet. Everything inside him was ripping apart. Here Yuuri was right here, and the only thing between them was… God.

"Yuuri, have fun tomorrow," he said quietly.

Yuuri looked up at him, a puzzled look on his face. He nodded. Reaching out he patted Yuuri's shoulder and was about to walk away when Yuuri grabbed his arm and then was hugging him. His arms were around his waist and his head buried in his chest. Stunned for a moment he just stood there, saying a silent prayer as his arms went around his shoulders hugging him back. He closed his eyes and placed his chin on the top of his head. The fit of Yuuri to him was perfect.

Finally pulling away he looked into those brown eyes, "I'll see you Saturday Yuuri." He turned and left. He did not wait for Yuuri to get in his car. If he stayed he would do something he would regret later or damn him to hell.


	5. Chapter 5

For once his work day flew by fast. Maybe the fact he was not all that excited about dinner later with Sara could have been it, but he only found himself banging his head on his desk once that day.

He was stopping by his mother's to get things she was donating for the yard sale the next day. His mother met him at the door and had boxes waiting on the porch. She helped him put them in the trunk so drop off at the church.

"So Yuuri, I hear you are taking Sara out tonight." She was smiling up at him. He did love when his mother smile. Hugging her to him, he nodded.

"Yes, taking her out to dinner. Need to go home and change now."

"Oh Yuuri, I am so excited for you! Sara is such a sweet girl." Everyone seemed to tell him this. He knew she was a sweet girl from the first night hanging out. School teacher, beautiful, caring… everything any guy would ever want in a woman… everyone but him.

"Yes mom, she seems to be." He just wished there was more he was feeling. Hugging his mom one last time he drove home and got ready for his date.

He didn't even bother too much; he just brushed his hair back and changed his shirt. As a second thought he figured a little cologne would be nice. Standing in the mirror fixing his tie, he realized he spent more time in the morning getting ready for work when he knew he was going to the church than he did for his date.

Looking at himself in the mirror he just stood there stunned. He was royally screwed. Here is was about to take out the prettiest, sweetest girl, and he wasn't even trying. Sighing deeply he grabbed his rosary he kept by his bedside and slipped it in his pocket. Something about having it on him made him feel calm.

He went to pick up Sara at her apartment, just on the other side of town. She had put on a nice summer dress and sandals. Her hair was pulled back and she looked stunning. She smiled up at him and kissed his cheek.

"I am so glad to see you again Yuuri." She beamed at him and they headed to the restaurant. Sara dominated most of the conversation. Talking about different things she did with the youth group. They got into a simple conversation over the yard sale tomorrow and did not want to stay out too late due to needing to be at the church early in the morning.

Everything about dinner was easy. She laughed when she was supposed to, she talked and kept the conversation going. Yuri knew he wanted to be friends with her. Yuri also knew she probably wanted more than that. He could tell by the way she would touch his hand during dinner, tilt her head as he spoke, and she had made sure to wear a low cut dress, not dangerously low, but enough to draw attention. At the end of dinner he took her back home saying he would see her tomorrow at the church and walked her to her door. She had that expectant look as they stood there saying good night. When Yuri did not make a move, she got up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek again.

Going home, he wished he could feel more for her. He wished he could find her attractive enough to be turned on by her. He knew what he wanted, and he knew he could not have it. Once home he sat on his couch and just stared at the wall. A simple wooden cross was hung there, a gift from his mother when he moved back home. He would find himself staring it a lot.

He knew he was excited and torn about tomorrow. He was getting upset with himself over how he was feeling, how his feelings were growing, yet he knew nothing could manifest from it. He knew the time he spent with Father Victor only increased these feelings and he knew he was getting upset with himself. He knew yesterday at church all he wanted to do was throw himself at the father and spill all his feelings. He was letting it eat at him, consume him.

Father Victor had said he was his friend as well as his priest. That was the problem. He knew he wanted more than a friend, but he knew that was the most he could ever get. He wanted whatever he was allowed to get from Father Victor. He swore there were so many mixed signals it was driving him mad. He knew he had to be imagining it all. He had worked himself into such a fit over the man, he was thinking every touch or look meant something else. He knew it was all in his head. It had to be. There was no way a man of God would ever think of anything more.

Groaning he decided he had better get ready for bed and ready for the morning. He knew the morning would bring him a morning with Father Victor.

The weather had been so nice lately, and though it was nice knowing he did not have to dress up for the yard sale, he still wanted to look nice. Finding a pair of shorts and a plain blue shirt (he swore it was the aqua color of Father Victor's eyes) he brushed his hair back. Slipping on his glasses, he told himself he was going to look into getting contacts. Last time he had gotten them they irritated his eyes so bad he could not handle them. Maybe if he tried again with a different brand it would be better.

Making his way to the church, he could see only a few people where there getting things set up. He got out the car, heading to the trunk to get what his mother had donated.

"Ah Yuuri! You made it!" It was that voice. That voice he would follow into the bowels of hell. Taking in a slow deep breath he looked up over the trunk, seeing Father Victor now walking over towards him.

"Good morning Father Nikiforov."

Father Victor raised his hand, putting it on his shoulder and rubbing it lightly, "Yuuuuuuri," he dragged out his name and Yuuri almost melted right there in the parking lot. "Please, Father Vic." Yuuri noticed the hand was still on his shoulder, the priest's thumb lightly moving back and forth. They just stood there staring at one another. He could feel his pulse rising, his heartbeat in his ears and all he wanted to do was grab the man and pull him to him. He noticed he started to lean into the touch on his shoulder, slowly leaning towards Father Victor.

"Yuuri! Hello!" He heard his name called and was snapped out of the trance he was in. Looking up he saw Sara and a man walking towards them. Father Victor had removed his hand from his shoulder and the warmth that had been spreading through his torso was suddenly gone.

"Ah Sara! Mickey! Care to help us unload Yuuri's trunk?" Father Victor called out as they approached.

As Sara reached them she gave Yuuri a hug hello. "Yuuri, I would like for you to meet my brother, Michele."

Michele stood there, his gaze locked on Yuuri. He noticed those same violet eyes that Sara had, he shared as well. Yuuri put his hand out, "Nice to meet you, Michele."

Michele took his hand, a little too hard and shook it. "Hello Yuuri. Sara has told me a lot about you." Yuuri smiled and they went to get the boxes out of his car. Father Victor, Yuuri, and Michele each took one as Sara closed his trunk and they walked to the side yard of the church.

"We are getting the tables set up now Yuuri. We also have coffee in the church as we know it is early for a Saturday. I got some of the kids setting up signs and making more. Feel free to jump in wherever you want, okay?" Sara was rubbing her fingers down his forearm as she spoke to him. He smiled back at her. She was wearing simple jeans shorts with a simple sleeveless purple top that matched her eyes. She had her hair pulled back with a matching purple scarf. It all seemed to set off her large violet eyes even more. She did not wear much makeup as she did not seem to need it.

"Yeah maybe I will go get some coffee now that you mention it."

Sara hooked her arm in his, "Yes, I could use more coffee myself. Let's go grab a cup." As Sara was guiding him through the doors of the church, Yuuri turned and saw a pair of violet and aqua eyes set on them. They went down the hallway that led to the small church kitchen area and Sara went to getting two styrofoam cups. "What do you like in your coffee Yuuri?"

"Um… just milk is fine. Thank you."

"Perfect! That is how I take it as well!" She was smiling at him. Her smile really did light up a room. Bringing over his coffee she was smiling up at him again. "I am glad you came help out. This is such a big event for our youth and the town. The more people we get to help us the easier it will make." She had handed him his cup and then cupped his cheek with her hand when he took the cup. Her hand was still warm from the coffee and he did not know what to do. He knew at a moment like this, he should do something. Battling and contemplating what to do, he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. He figured it was a simple enough gesture.

"Ah, there you two are! I was wondering where you kids ran off too!" That voice again. Sara had moved her hand to his arm and he jumped away from her as he heard that voice surround them.

"Ah yes! Father Vic! We were getting some coffee. There is still some left. May I make you a cup as well?" Sara was smiling and sipping her coffee.

"That would be great Sara. Sugar and milk please."

Yuuri would not look up. He was looking down at his and Sara's sneakers as Father Victor had come into the kitchen. He could tell Father Victor had moved over to the counter and was leaning casually on it.

"We have about an hour before people should be arriving. Sara, a few more of the kids showed up, but Mickey has them all working out there. Should be a really good turn out as we got some great donations this year." Father Victor was talking to Sara but looking and Yuuri and he could feel those eyes on him. Slowly looking up he met those eyes. They were locked on him as he slowly sipped his coffee.

"Oh that is great Father Vic! We should definitely get enough for the charity mission/work trip." He could hear the excitement in her voice and she was practically hopping up and down.

"Trip?" Yuuri asked.

Sara looked over to Yuuri and walked where he was, looping her arm in his again. "Yes, every year our youth go to a city or town that need help and we build ramps for people or help fix up shelters. We use the money from this and bake sales to cover the cost. We try to make sure we have everything to help out these people and they don't have to pay anything for it. It can cost quite a bit as there around five adults and twenty kids. Normally one of the shelters will keep us there, but we have to account for food and materials and of course the transportation. We go for a week and get so much done."

"Oh wow. Sara, that is amazing." He was looking down at her. It was really remarkable what the church did for people; he had thought it was just a yard sale they were having. There really was such a larger picture to it.

"Yes Yuuri. Our youth group and their leaders are extraordinary when it come to these things. They plan one every summer to do and take all year to gather the funds." Father Victor was staring back at him again. Yuuri shifted a little uncomfortably but Sara was glued to his side.

Clearing his throat, Yuuri shifted and moved from Sara to look as if he was topping off his coffee. "We should probably head back out," he said. Sara nodded and they all walked out the church to the side yard.

"Sara! There you are! You are needed over here," he heard Michele call out.

Sara placed her hand on Yuuri's arm, "Excuse me Yuuri. I am afraid I am going to be pulled in a million directions all morning. Please just do what you think needs to be done and maybe we can go for some lunch afterwards?" She was smiling up at him as she kept a firm hold of his arm.

"Yes, Sara, that would be nice," he managed to say as he saw Father Victor staring at him during all this. She squeezed his arm and ran off to where her brother was calling her.

"You two look good together Yuuri," he then heard Father Victor say quietly. It hit Yuuri right to his core. Here is was standing next to the most perfect man he had ever met, wanting it to be his arm looped through his as they talked casually. He knew it never would or could be. He knew it was wrong.

"Yeah… um… thanks. She is nice."

"Her brother is just as nice; he is a bit overprotective of her, but outside of that, they do really good work for our young ones here. Come on, let's finish our coffee and help set up of the donations, yes? People will be here soon."

Yuuri noticed Father Victor had his hand back on his shoulder again and neither one was moving. He had turned and looked up to him. Those eyes piercing through him again. It was almost as if he was trying to read his thoughts. Coughing nervously he went to go see where he could dispose his cup and see where he would be needed.

They unpacked boxes on tables and helped to label prices. The morning was going by fast. Sara kept coming by to check on him and if he did not know better, he could have felt aqua blue eyes staring at him through the entire morning. Finally it was about time for people to start showing up and they all gathered together.

Father Victor had everyone take hands and lead a prayer before it all started. He had situated himself next to Yuuri, Sara was on the other side of him, Michele next to her. Father Victor's hand was so warm in his. Those long fingers did not just take his hand, he interlocked their fingers and as he led the prayer, his thumb moved over the side of his hand.

Yuuri could not tell you what the prayer was, he could not tell you one word of what was said. All he could focus on was the feel of Father Victor's fingers interlocked with his, the pad of his thumb brushing up and down his hand. The warmth of his palm next to his. He tried not to fidget but he could feel he was shifting side to side. With his eyes closed he had to tell himself to breath. In through his nose a slow breath, slowly out his mouth, in and out. Just breathe.

He felt Sara let go of his hand, the prayer was over, but Father Victor held onto his hand just a few more minutes, then he squeezed it gently with one last brush of his thumb and let go. His hand felt empty and cold all of a sudden. When he looked over to Father Victor, he winked at him and they all went to scatter around the tables as people started to show up.

The next two hours were a blur. So many had shown up for the yard sale. They had put him in charge with Michele of the money. They checked out everyone and made sure everything was in order. Sara kept running over, she would wrap her arms around his shoulders giggling. She was happy over the turnout and all the help they received. Michele would grunt and tell Sara to go and stop distracting them. She would giggle and pat Michele's shoulder.

"Oh Mickey! Don't be such a grump!" she kissed Yuuri on the cheek and ran off.

"My sister really seems to like you Yuuri." he heard Michele say as no one was checking out at that moment.

"Yeah… she is… great," he stammered out.

Michele fixed those violet eyes on him, "No, she is more than great, and you will do well to remember that."

Yuuri was taken back and didn't know how to follow up to that and was happy when someone came over to check out. He noticed they were getting low on change to give people.

"Um… Michele… we need more ones and quarters. We are going to run out soon."

Without even looking at him, "Go get Father Vic. He should have it all in his office."

Looking up, Yuuri knew he wouldn't have to look long to find Father Victor, he was always in sight. Sure enough he was over by one of the clothing tables talking with a couple. Yuuri walked over and tapped him shoulder to get his attention.

"Ah Yuri! Hello!"

"Hi… um… Father Victor, we need some change for checking out." Yuuri was staring at the grass, shifting back and forth on his feet.

"Yuuri, yes, let's go get you some change." He turned to the couple he was talking too, "Excuse me please." They nodded and Father Victor casually wrapped his arm around Yuuri's shoulder and they walked over where Michele was. He could feel Father Victor's hip gently knock against his as they walked, that hand and arm just casually draped over his shoulder He didn't know what to do other than to keep reminding himself to put one foot in front of the other. Finally reaching where Michele was, Father Victor released his grip on his shoulder and casually took two twenties from the cash box.

"We will be right back Mickey. Want to go change this out." Michele nodded and they headed into the church.

* * *

The good thing about being a priest was never having to really worry about what you were going to wear. He had his clerical outfit and collar. Was all that was really required. His hair he would brush and it just fell into place. He never worried the past few year what his appearance was. Was never an issue. He felt foolish standing before the mirror adjusting his clerical collar and checking his hair one last night time.

Sighing deeply he left out his cottage and headed towards the church. It was extremely early and he wanted to meet up with the first there for set up and make sure the church was unlocked. No one had shown up yet so he made his way to the tiny church kitchen and started making coffee. His mind drifting towards when Yuuri would be there, and more so, how his date went last night. Sipping coffee he started to hear cars pull up, knowing it was time to leave his thoughts where they were. He plastered a smile on his face and headed out to greet and set up.

Yuuri did finally arrive and Sara glued herself to him. He knew it should not bother him, he also knew that they looked really good together. She was just a bit shorter than he was, and she would drape her arm through his and smile up at him. He did not mean to look, he did not mean to be standing in the doorway of the kitchen when Yuuri kissed her forehead, he did not mean to pray that he wished it was him was standing before Yuuri. He really did not like how well they seemed to look next to one another and how much she smiled at him, but he knew there was nothing he could do. He had made his promise.

He made sure during the morning prayer that he was situated next to Yuuri. When they went to grab hands, it felt natural to interlock his fingers with Yuuri. Their hands melted together nicely. He carried his prayer out longer than he normally would, never wanting to let go of that hand. The warmth of his palm against his, the softness of his skin as he brushed his thumb over it. He ended the prayer and held on one last second, sending up a silent prayer for strength.

 _Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul._ ** _(1 Peter 2:11)_**

He kept himself busy all morning. He could see Sara wrapping her arms around Yuuri as he was checking out people. He watched Yuuri talk sweetly as people handed them their goods. He watched Yuuri smile and carry on. He wished he was the one who was next to Yuuri counting out money, helping his bag goods and smiling back at people, but he was meant to be walking around and talking to the guest and people for the sale. He found himself keeping Yuuri with in sight.

When Yuuri came to him wanting to get change, he was relieved to get away from everyone for a moment. He saw it as a moment to sneak off and even be able to see Yuuri. His thoughts had been plagued by him so much lately, it was almost as if when he was around they would all settle. Putting his arm around him seemed natural and he fit so well against him. He liked the brush of their hips as they walked and how he could almost feel Yuuri tremble.

"The money is back in my office locked in the desk. Come on." He was tempted to take Yuuri's hand and just get them away from everyone, but he knew better. So going through the side door they walked through the hallway that lead to his office. Yuuri was looking straight ahead as they walked.

"So how did last night go?" He couldn't help it. It had been on his mind far too long. He was turning the key in the lock of his door and they went to his desk.

"It went well. We had dinner." Yuuri said quietly.

"Ah, where did you go?"

"That new Italian place on the other side of town."

"I've always wanted to try that place." Getting out of the money box he opened and changed out some smaller bills and quarters they needed. When he went to hand it to Yuuri, he noticed he was staring right at him. This was a different stare though. It was intense and had a longing behind it.

Yuuri shook his head and leaned against the wall of his office. He cleared his throat and seemed to be looking over his shoulder. He wasn't sure where he was looking, but he had a blush across his cheeks and he wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Yuuri, is everything ok?" He walked forward, placing his hand on his shoulder. Yuuri raised both of his hands and covered his, then met his gaze. Their eyes were locked and he watched Yuuri's pupils slowly enlarge as he stared at him. Right now all thought process was gone. He was locked in this stare and those hands on his. He could feel Yuuri's hands were shaking a bit and he leaned in close. He put his other hand on the wall next to Yuuri's head and leaned in more. His breathing was labored and he was silently praying for strength but it was not coming. He felt like Yuuri was a magnet and his body was being drawn to him. Stepping closer he noticed how full his lips were and how pouty they were looking.

Pressing his forehead to Yuuri's, they just stood there. They were both breathing hard and he could see Yuuri chest moving slowly up and down as he closed his eyes. It was so quiet at that moment, he swore there was an echo to the slamming of his heart in his chest. He had Yuuri right where he was dying to have him, and he was not pulling away. He was just holding his hands against his and breathing very hard.

Bringing his other hand off the wall, he gripped Yuuri's other shoulder and he watched as Yuuri's eyes flew back open, wide and staring at him. They were close enough now that Yuuri's arm was pressed tight to his chest, captured between them. He could feel the stirring in his pants and he knew he was in deep trouble. He knew he had to back out now or he was damning himself. One last deep breath and he stepped back. Those brown eyes staring up at him.

"F-Father…"

He placed his finger on Yuuri's lips. They were warm and they were soft. He wished it wasn't his finger on those lips: he wish he had the courage and strength to just lean in a kiss him. Instead he leaned forward and kissed his forehead. He allowed his lips to linger longer than they should have, knowing it was all wrong and sinful. He could not pull away. One final squeeze of his shoulders and he backed away completely.

"We had better get back out… with the ugh… with the change," he was finally able to somewhat speak.

Victor just stood there as did Yuuri. They were just staring at one another. Yuuri walked up to him, and cupped his hand to his cheek. Closing his eyes he leaned into the touch, the warmth of that hand taking over him. He felt Yuuri take his thumb and trace his cheek bone down to the side of his jaw. When his thumb brushed his bottom lip he opened his eyes and he saw Yuuri just staring at him as his thumb brushed back across his lip.

Yuuri stepped up to him, got on his tiptoes, putting a hand on each shoulder to brace himself, and whispered, "Breathe."

He let out the air he was holding. He could feel Yuuri at his ear and feel his body lightly touching his. He could hear him inhale deeply and his hands went from his shoulder down his arms and took his hands. Leaning back down, he held his hands and just stared at him. Almost as if he were asking something. He knew what Yuuri was asking, and he knew inside of him what he wanted, but in his head he knew he could not.

"Yuuri… I… cannot…" he barely whispered.

"I know." Yuuri let go of his hands and stepped back. Yuuri took the change and as he was leaving, Father Victor could not move. "Um… Father Victor… I wouldn't say no." And with that he left out of the room.

Falling into his chair, Father Victor was a mess of thoughts. What had just happened? Everything he had been dreaming the past week was happening right there in his office. Yuuri was more than willing and he just could not bring himself to do it. Running his hands through his hair he groaned loudly. He was not in a position to head back outside yet. Somehow through all of this, he had gotten half hard and was afraid if he looked at Yuuri again, it would only get worse. Fingers to forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right.

He started praying and pulled out his rosary beads. Ten beads in a row, five in a loop. He started praying fast. Fingering the beads, concentrating, praying that God would give him what he needed.

But he already knew that was all a lie. What he needed was outside smiling at the yard sale. What he needed was just minutes before standing in front of him, touching him. What he needed, he could never have.


	6. Chapter 6

Somehow Yuuri was able to find his feet as he walked out of the church office. He felt lightheaded and almost dizzy, but not in a bad way. He was clutching the change in his hand, and he knew his face must have been flushed, so he stepped into the bathroom before heading out. Looking in the mirror even he could see the flush on his face. Taking his glasses off, he splashed cold water onto his face, trying to get his body to work for him. He was feeling the effects of Father Victor in his pants, and he knew he still wasn't breathing properly, especially after his last comment before he left.

He couldn't believe he said what he did before he left out of there. He could see the wrecked look on Father's Victor face and he could almost feel the struggle in him. He did not want to push him, but he wanted him to know he felt the same. He smiled at himself in the mirror. Even with the water dripping off his face, he knew what he was feeling. The dread was gone and filled with hope, not a lot of hope, but enough for him to grasp and hold onto.

Gathering his composure, he slipped his glasses back on, ran his hand through his hair one last time and headed back outside. Michele looked bored at the cashier box and he went over handing him the change. He grunted and started setting it all in the box.

"Took you long enough."

"Oh… yeah.. sorry. We ended up talking." He did not even think about the timing. How long had he been in there with Father Victor?

Michele grunted again and they went back to helping everyone check out. Yuuri couldn't help but get the thoughts out of his head about what had just happened back there. He was starting to get concerned as Father Victor had not come back outside, when the side door open and he stepped out. His eyes scanned the grounds real quick and landed right on Yuuri, who was staring back. He watched Father Victor smile and then head out to the grounds where the people where. The rest of the morning Yuuri would stare at Father Victor whenever he was within view.

The yard sale went really well and Sara had pulled him alongside her as the cleanup was happening. She was a big ball of happiness chattering about how well the sale went. Yuuri had to nod in agreement as it was a great morning, but not for the reasons she was thinking.

"Yuuri, are we still doing lunch?" He saw her looking over at him when they were getting tables put away. He saw Father Victor looking over at them.

"Oh Sara, I am really tired from everything this morning and just want to go lay down for a but, if that is ok? How about I call you later?" He lied and he knew he was lying, but he could not in good faith continue this with her. She was too nice of a person to be led on. Sara nodded and gave a sad smile. When she turned to walk off, Yuuri stared more at Father Victor.

After everything was cleaned up and the last of the cars pulled away, Yuuri had stayed behind, and Father Victor gave him a curious look.

"Want to get a bite to eat?" he asked as he looked at his feet.

He could hear Father Victor sigh deeply. "Come on Yuuri, we can make sandwiches." They walked quietly down the path in the woods and stepped into the cottage. Yuuri kept giving Father Victor curious looks, but Father Victor was not acknowledging them.

Finally, Yuuri could not take it anymore, he cleared his throat, "Um… Father Victor…" He saw Father Victor stiffen in the kitchen, "Can we… talk… you know…"

Father Victor turned and looked at Yuuri. Walking over towards him, he wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. Yuuri breathed in deeply and found his arms winding around his waist. Father Victor smelled of sunshine and incense. It was intoxicating.

"Yuuri… no we cannot talk about…" He let go and stepped away from him. Father Victor's face was flushed, and his breathing forced. "Let me finish making us some lunch. Have a seat."

Yuuri sat down and started picking at the nail bed on his finger. He was feeling a bit foolish and wanted to just get up and leave. He knew he would not. Even if he could never have anything more than a friendship, he was willing for that. Anything to keep Father Victor near.

Father Victor sat at the table and placed a plate in front of him with a sandwich and some chips. Yuuri just sipped his water and stared at his fingers. Taking his hand he led a short prayer.

" _Bless us, O' Lord, and these, Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty Through Christ, Our Lord. Amen._ "

Though at the end of the prayer, Yuuri did not let go of his hands. He held them across the table and just stared into those aqua eyes. He felt a gentle squeeze and realized it was time to let go of those warm hands.

"Yuuri, eat. We had a long morning." He could hear the strain in Father Victor's voice.

Looking up, he stared into those eyes, "I can… I can leave if you would rather…"

Father Victor took his hand again as he started picking at his fingers again, "No… Yuuri, I want you to eat. I like having you around."

Lunch was fairly quiet and Yuuri kept glancing up looking at Father Victor and he would even catch him from time to time looking up at him. Father Victor was polite enough to smile and encourage him to finish eating. That was the last thing on his mind. What he wanted was to wrap his arms around the priest and never let go. He knew it couldn't.

After lunch he was lingering in the kitchen. Father Victor walked up, and this time he was the one cupping the side of his face with his hand. "Yuuri, you should go home. Go home and call Sara." His aqua eyes sad and his voice soft.

Taking his warm hand into his, he looked back at him. "I don't want to. I want to be with you."

"Yuuri… I can't… we cannot…"

Snapping back and letting go of the hand Yuuri yelled, "I know! Dammit I know!" He sat in the chair in the kitchen hard and slumped down, putting his head in his hands. Speaking into his hands, "Just let me stay here. We can… pray or something."

He felt foolish, but he knew he was where he really wanted to be at the moment. He did not want to go home and call Sara and make plans to suffer through.

Father Victor leaned against the counter, "Yuuri, I find all I do is pray when you are near."

Yuuri almost choked. He looked up at the man in the kitchen. Not the priest, but the man. Those eyes were struggling, he was holding onto the counter as he leaned back on it. "Do you want me to leave?"

Father Victor was shaking his head but not speaking. He wouldn't look up at him either. His gaze had fallen to the floor. Yuuri stood and walked over to him at the counter, standing in front of him. He could see that Father Victor's knuckles were turning white from gripping the counter, his jaw was clenched and his breathing was slow and very controlled. He walked closer to him and could see he started to look up at him.

Yuuri took his hand and placed it on Father Victor's forearm. He rubbed gently up and down his arm. He could feel how tense he was through the flex of the muscle under his arm. "If I make you uncomfortable, maybe I shouldn't stay…" Yuuri trailed off as those arms that gripped the counter surprised him by suddenly being wrapped around his waist, pulling him to him. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and just held on. He could feel Father Victor's body trembling and his chest shaking. He hugged tighter and rubbed small, soothing circles upon his upper back.

When a sound escaped his mouth, Yuuri pulled back. He could see tears running down Father Victor's face and dripping off his lashes. He brushed the hair off his face and then ran his thumbs across his cheeks. Father Victor's eyes were just staring at him. There was such an internal struggle going on he could see right in those eyes. Reaching up on his toes, he kissed away a tear on his cheek and heard him sharply inhale. He stared into those eyes then he kissed the bridge of his nose, then his other cheek. Back down off his toes he looked up seeing Father Victor had closed his eyes again. He had pulled back from Father Victor, but kept his hands on his waist, watching as his face tightened and his brow knit.

"It doesn't have to be anything more than just this," he whispered up to Father Victor.

* * *

He wanted Yuuri to stay, he wanted Yuuri to leave. He didn't know what he wanted. But he knew standing there with him so close, he could not continue to fight this hard. After the kisses on the cheek he closed his eyes silently praying for… anything. Yuuri was so close. His scent filling his nose. He could feel the warmth from his body next to his, his hands still on him. He was afraid to open his eyes knowing his control only went so far. He knew his faith was strong, but he also knew every time Yuuri walked into the picture it was wavering.

"It doesn't have to be anything more than just this," he heard Yuuri say. He breathed in deeply and thought maybe God was challenging him. Maybe this was all one big obstacle. Was his faith strong enough? There was a stir in the pit of his stomach; he knew he had flirted with Yuuri, he knew he craved touch from Yuuri, and he knew this was what he had been doing the last few weeks. Now it was crashing into him, and he wasn't seeing clearly anymore. Everything was one blur. God and Yuuri. It was what it had all come down too. He had made a promise, a promise to serve the Lord, a promise of celibacy, a promise to put others before oneself. Here was his temptation, at arms length, telling him everything he did and did not want to hear.

Breathing in slowly and back out, he was able to calm himself a bit. Opening his eyes he leaned back forward, pulling Yuuri back to his chest and cradling him, his head fitting right under his chin perfectly, his body molding into him well. "No, I want you here… " He knew he was damning himself the more he stayed around Yuuri, the more he held onto him. He knew the temptation every time Yuuri was near. He knew how his body reacted every time he saw Yuuri, every time he innocently touched Yuuri – but had it all been innocent?

He held Yuuri longer than he should have. Standing in his small kitchen, his arms wrapped around him. He was battling everything and decided it felt too natural and too right with Yuuri in his arms.

"Come on Yuuri, let's watch a movie or something. I'll make some tea." Yuuri was not letting go of the waist his arms were around. He could feel him nodding against his chest, but he wasn't moving away. "Yuuri."

Yuuri finally pulled back, his face red and blushing. It was too cute. He couldn't help it, he had already damned himself for one day. Leaning forward he kissed his forehead. "Green tea right?" Yuuri nodded and stepped back. He had a smile on his face as he leaned on the counter watching him make tea. Those large brown eyes fixed on everything he did. He seemed very relaxed at the moment. He did not know what he was doing, but he knew for the moment, it felt right.

Lately it was as if he was carrying a huge weight on his shoulders and somehow today it had all been released. He did not want to think about what could never be, he was just thinking about that moment while making tea and Yuuri smiling at him. Those brown eyes dancing at him at every glance. That smile lighting up his face.

They made their way to the living room and set their cups on the end table and he got out the remote. "I don't keep movies here, but I do have Netflix. Here, find us a movie, I am… I'll be right back." Yuuri nodded and he went back to his room. His pulse picked up again. Looking in the mirror he removed his clerical collar and unbuttoned his black shirt. Going to his dresser he pulled out a crisp clean t-shirt he usually reserved for sleeping in or wearing under his other shirts. He slipped it over his head and then ran his fingers through his hair and slipped his shoes off. He was going to be comfortable. He was in his own house.

When he walked back out to the living room, Yuuri look up, gasping and dropping the remote as his hand went to his mouth. He almost thought he had made a mistake changing. It made him feel less guilty with his collar off. Especially after grasping how he was feeling.

"Is it that bad? I can go back and…"

"No No no! I just… I just never seen you… outside of your… "

"I know. But I am home and I want to be comfortable." Shrugging his shoulders he sat on the end of the couch. He watched Yuuri kick his shoes off and curl his feet under him as he sat on the couch. They fell into a movie just sitting there sipping tea. Victor leaned back and stretched his long legs out in front of him, propping them on the coffee table. Looking over he saw Yuuri with his feet tucked under him and leaning on the arm rest. He looked tired and wrung out.

"Yuuri, you really should have gone home and rested some. You look tired." Yuuri looked over at him. The morning was busy and they were all up earlier than they usually were. Stretching out his hand he took his arm and led him over next to him. Yuuri shifted and worked it so his head laid on his chest. He could feel Yuuri relax against him. He worked up the nerve to slowly run his fingertips up and down his arms as he laid there. It was simple, it felt natural to them – and they both knew it shouldn't.

He could not tell you how the movie ended. He could tell you that Yuuri had fallen asleep against him. Breathing quietly and relaxed. He felt so warm up next to him. He slipped his glasses off of him, setting them on the side table. Shifting a little bit he moved so his body stretched out on the couch and Yuuri had shifted as he slept. They were both stretched on the couch and he started another movie – not that he was going to watch it. He was rubbing his hand up and down Yuuri's back, watching him sleep pressed against him. His warm body was pressed up against him and their feet were tangled at the foot rest.

He found himself smiling down at Yuuri as he would move his mouth a little as he slept. Yuuri shifted a bit and he felt Yuuri's arm wrap across his torso and hug him. He felt a feeling he had not felt in a long time. He hugged Yuuri tighter and felt himself starting to drift off. He decided he was not going to think or pray over it anymore... today. He was going to sit and just enjoy… and be damned.

* * *

Feeling warm he did not want to open his eyes. It felt as if he was laying on his side pressed against someone. It was comforting and the scent around him was making him dizzy in his dreamlike state. Nuzzling in a bit more, he cracked open his eyes and saw he was in fact pressed against Father Victor. His face had worked his way towards his neck and he could feel those warm strong arms around him.

Smiling, he tightened his hold a little bit more on Father Victor, almost afraid if he fully woke up it would be all a dream. He could smell the incense and spice that seemed to always follow Father Victor. He was so close to the skin on Father Victor's neck, he lightly kissed there. His skin was warm and soft under his lips, but he did not want to push his luck. Resting his head back down he just laid there watching Father Victor's chest slowly move up down.

There was a movie on, not the one they had been watching, but he didn't bother paying much attention. He was more fixed on staring at the man he was lying next to and half on top of. Smiling he brought his mouth back to Father Victor's neck and slowly kissed again. He could not help it. He told himself he would only go as far as Father Victor was comfortable with, but this just seemed too right. He was right there so close. He kissed again gently and heard a soft moan vibrate in Father Victor's throat. Those arms tightened around him.

Taking his mouth he left soft, open mouth kisses down Father Victor's neck as he slowly turned pressing more into Father Victor.

"Yuuri…." he heard that voice moaning. Father Victor tilted his head as his hands roamed up and down his back. He could feel he was getting aroused and feeling Father Victor next to him, moaning, was only turning him on more.

"Yuuri…" He felt Father Victor pulling away from his mouth and moving his hands to stop him. Forgetting for a moment, he realized he took it too far and stopped, burying his head in Father Victor's chest.

"I'm sorry…"

He felt those arms tighten. "No, Yuuri, don't be." He felt him kiss the top of his head. They laid there for quite some time. Neither moving or saying anything.

Yuuri heard his phone chiming, groaning he sat up and got his phone off the coffee table. Sara had texted him seeing if he wanted to do dinner. He quickly replied back he couldn't but would take a rain check. He could feel Father Victor staring at him as he was replying. Father Victor had turned and was sitting up now.

Setting his phone down he wasn't sure what to do and he was fiddling with this fingers in his lap.

"Oh Yuuri… " That hand reached out for him, pulling him next to Father Victor.

He felt that arm go around his shoulders as he leaned his head down onto Father Victor's shoulder. Neither one knew what to say. They were feeling so much, and had so many thoughts in their heads, but nothing could form into words to express. Yuuri knew all of this was wrong, but he also knew he had never been happier. He knew it was weird, but he truly felt happy when he was with Father Victor. Like the missing piece to a puzzle was found.

He did not want to think of what tomorrow would or would not bring him, nor did not want to mull over it. He was just living in that moment.


	7. Chapter 7

Yuuri had stayed over at Father Victor's until the sun went down. It was quiet and peaceful. They were relaxed. They did not talk about what was going on, or what couldn't go on. He went to bed that night, at his home, with a smile on his face, dreaming of the priest with aqua eyes.

The next morning he woke up looking forward to church. Carefully picking out his clothes, he put on his black fitted pants and a steel gray shirt. Normally he would wear a tie, but it was warm out, so he left the top couple buttons undone and brushed his hair back. Slipping his rosary in his pocket he went to go get his parents.

When they got to the church he felt his pulse quicken. He looped his arm with his mother and they slowly walked to the front doors. His parents liked to get there early and get seats close to the front. He never understood this, but this morning he was anxious to get there. They sat near the front, three rows back, his mother getting out her rosary and bible as he looked around.

The church was slowly filling and he saw Sara and her brother walk in. She smiled over at him and came over to sit next to him. Michele followed and gave a nod as they sat down. Yuuri could tell he was starting to fidget as Sara was close enough her thigh was touching his. He needed to figure a way to tell her wanted her only as a friend.

The music started in the church and they began the song. Watching Father Victor walk down to the pulpit he was in awe once more. Even in his cassock standing there, Yuuri swore he had never seen a more beautiful person. He crossed himself, fingers to forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right.

Yuuri tried all through service to lock eyes with Father Victor, but it was not happening. Yuuri had to wonder at one point whether Father Victor was purposely avoiding his gaze. There was also the pressure of the thigh that stayed pressed to his. He had to say something about this today. He could not continue to drag this out.

As service was wrapping up, Sara had looped her arm through his and his mother invited her over for lunch. Yuuri sighed and they started walking out of the church. Sara continued to keep her arm looped around his elbow. They approached Father Victor and shook hands. Smiles and friendly greetings were passed. He was trying to meet the priest's eyes but they never looked his way. Puzzled, he allowed Sara and his mother to lead him out of the church and onto the sidewalk.

His mother made a simple lunch after they got back home and they all settled in, his thoughts still mulling over the morning.

"Yuuri?"

Snapping back to reality he smiled at Sara. "Sorry, my mind is elsewhere."

"Your mother said after lunch we should go down to the orchard for a bit as it is such a lovely day."

Yuuri nodded and agreed to go for a walk. They were both quiet as they walked through the line of trees. The weather was warm but not hot. This time Sara did not loop her arm through his and she was just walking next to him, looking ahead.

"Yuuri?" She had stopped at the tree they had climbed last time, her violet eyes setting on him. He looked back at her and smiled, a smile that never reached his eyes, but he was trying. She had taken his hand and was holding it. "I really like you Yuuri."

There it was, what he was afraid of. Knowing this was coming. He was glad they had not taken things too far, just a couple meals.

"Sara, I really like you too, but…"

"Oh no." She let go of his hand, her face falling. "You said 'but'."

Taking in a deep breath, Yuuri turned away from her and climbed up the tree. He always hated these parts and hated how they turned out. Being up in trees when he was younger was a safe place for him, and he felt he needed something like that now. Once he was seated on a branch, he felt childish and stupid, but noticed Sara had joined him on the branch and they sat there.

"Okay… so Sara… what I mean is… I do really like you… but not in the way I think you like me… Um… I mean… I think you are great... don't get me wrong… I do want to get to know you better… but as a friend…"

He could hear Sara sigh heavily next to him, and then she rested her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and they sat in the tree not talking for a long time. Just staring out into the orchard. Yuuri was glad he had gotten that off his chest. He felt bad for Sara, but he knew they had not gotten serious, so it wasn't too bad.

She lifted her head from his shoulder, "By the way Yuuri, you do still owe me dinner." She smiled at him and he had to laugh. He actually felt more comfortable with her now that he explained what he was expecting from her. He hugged her gently and then they climbed down the tree. When they reached the opening of the orchard that led to the house, Sara hugged him and said she would keep in touch. She went around the side of the house to her car.

As he walked back into his parent's house, his mother saw he was alone. Her face dropped and she was shaking her head. "Oh Yuuri, again?" She would ask him and he just nodded. He hated disappointing his parents, but he was not going to do things and live being miserable just for them to be happy.

Sitting back and sipping tea while his parents watched an old movie, he starting thinking about that morning at mass again. Normally Father Victor would look at him and smile during service. Normally afterwards he would receive a warm handshake and a smile. Yuuri was even bold enough to try to make eye contact during communion. Nothing. He was given his wafer and the reception was the same as the others. It was really eating at him. Why, after they had such an amazing day yesterday, would everything be different? Maybe he was overreacting.

After drinking his tea, he thanked his mother and went on his way. He found his car heading to the church. He parked in the back and slowly walked the path that led back to Father Victor's cottage.

He gently knocked on the door and waited. As the door opened he saw Father Victor look down at him and smile. The smile looked forced and Yuuri could feel his heart shattering. What had happened between yesterday and now? Yuuri felt torn and stood there. His eyes pleading at Father Victor.

"May I come in?"

"Yuuri, it is probably best you didn't…" Father Victor would not look at him.

Yuuri was starting to worry, confused and angry, he pushed past Father Victor, walking into the cottage. "What is going on Father Victor?"

He watched as Father Victor stood by the door and shut it. Staring at him but not in the eyes, he said, "Yuuri, nothing is going on."

Yuuri walked over to him and took his hands. He was getting upset that Father Victor would not look at him. "Dammit Father, look at me!" Those aqua eyes fixed on him.

"Why Yuuri? So I can torture myself more with what I can't have. So I can continue to stare into the eyes of temptation and fight not to give in? Why Yuuri, tell me why I should?" Father Victor's teeth were clenched as he said this, trying to keep himself from breaking down.

Yuuri gasped and pulled Father Victor into a hug. "What has happened? Just yesterday…"

"Yesterday was a mistake Yuuri! It has all been a mistake! I should have never…"

"Father Victor… please." He found his hug was not being returned and he was all but crying into the priest's shirt. He felt his eyes water as he held onto the man and finally those arms wrapped around him.

"Yuuri, you are going to damn me to hell," he heard the voice whisper into his hair.

"You won't be damned… I would never allow it." Yuuri was still pressed into Father Victor's shirt and holding him tightly. Relieved those arms had found their way around him.

"Yuuri…" Father Victor had pulled away again. Yuuri felt so small standing there and wrapped his arms around his center looking down. He was so confused. Yesterday was so easy and carefree and now it was cold. What did he do wrong? What happened?

"Yuuri look at me."

"What did I do?"

Gasping, Father Victor just looked at him. "What do you mean Yuuri?"

Yuuri looked back down and walked over to the couch and sat down. He could only shake his head. Nothing was making sense. It was as if Father Victor was a different person between yesterday and today and he could not figure out why.

"Tell me what I did wrong… so I won't do it again…" he was looking down and barely speaking above a whisper.

"Yuuri!" Father Victor's voice had gotten loud and startled him. When he looked up the man's eyes were hard and cold. He walked over to Yuuri, taking his hands standing him up. "You do know what I am right?" Yuuri nodded while still looking down. "No Yuuri, dammit, look at me!"

Yuuri was shaking his head again. Knowing if he did look at him, he would lose whatever control he was holding of his tears. He knew exactly what Father Victor was. It stared him in the face whenever he looked at him.

"Yuuri, please don't make me ask again." Father Victor's voice got softer. "Yuuri, you know what I am… right?"

Yuuri nodded. He slowly looked up and saw the collar around Father Victor's neck. He saw the priest and the man.

"Yuuri you know what it all means right?"

Yuuri stared into those eyes that had softened and were pleading him. "I told you yesterday…"

"Dammit Yuuri! You think I don't know this? I KNOW what you said yesterday!" Father Victor was now pacing back and forth in the living room. Yuuri just stood there staring at him. Father Victor walked back up to Yuuri. "You see this Yuuri? This right here? This white collar? Do you know what this means?" Yuuri nodded. His eyes were wide and surprised as Father's Victor's went wild.

"No Yuuri, I don't think you do." Father Victor took the white collar from his clerical shirt and threw it across the room. "When you are around that is what I want to do! Don't you see? Being around you makes me want to throw it all away… But I can't.. I made a promise! A promise to God, Yuuri…"

Yuuri did not know what to say at this point. Father Victor was standing in front of him, emotional and raw. Yuuri walked up to him and went to put his arms around him again, but Father Victor stepped back, tears falling down his face, "Please Yuuri, for the sake of my soul and yours, go home."

* * *

Father Victor had sent Yuuri home that night. They both knew if he had stayed, it would have gone too far. He had to admit, the afternoon and evening he had with Yuuri had been the best he had in a long time. Everything felt so simple and right, but he knew deep down there was so much more to it. This wasn't just a job he could put in a two week notice and get up and leave. He felt like he was playing with fire. He knows nothing had truly happened, but he also knew how much he was feeling from what did.

Everything in him stirred and heightened. When Yuuri was around it was as if all his senses came to life. That night he laid in bed, staring at the ceiling, praying all night. He barely got any sleep as he was thinking about that day with Yuuri and what he should do. He had contemplated just taking Yuuri and running away. He had to laugh at how childish it seemed, but it was his first thought. They would go off to a remote town, where no one knew them and live happily ever after. He would smile at the idea, then remember he was offered a happily ever after and he almost ran that off a cliff.

The dread would set back in. He felt like one big ball of emotions. He did not understand how he could be so happy one minute and then completely wrecked the next. Why did it have to be so hard? Why did he have to find Yuuri? Why did he give in? He knew this was his punishment for reaching out, reaching out and touching his temptation. He was being punished and he knew it.

He had never felt more torn and emotional in his entire life. He knew what he wanted. There was no doubt about that. He wanted Yuuri. His body and mind craved Yuuri, but he knew for his soul… he could not.

That morning in church, he tried so hard to keep his wits about him. Every time he would catch a glimpse of him in the pew, it set his body on fire. He could remember the way he felt laying up next to him, his lips on his neck, it was starting to physically affect him. He was trying to lead mass and those large brown eyes were staring at him. He couldn't give in and look back as he knew what it would do. He had to make it through mass. He crossed himself more that morning than he ever did. Fingers to forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right.

After mass he was shaking hands with everyone, and sure enough, Yuuri and Sara approached. It pained him to see this, but he knew he couldn't say anything. He still could not look at Yuuri. He knew last night he struggled and fought between praying and deciding what to do. What he ending up doing was fisting his cock till Yuuri's name spilled out his mouth before he could release. He stopped himself, he was ashamed.

Now he had Yuuri before him. He was wild and manic. His collar thrown and Yuuri standing there as he went through all his thought process.

He just did not know what to think anymore. Right and wrong blurring. He could see Yuuri was breaking slowly in front of him and that was breaking him. He could see Yuuri approaching to embrace him. "Please Yuuri, for the sake of my soul and yours, go home." He placed his fingers to his forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right.

Yuuri shook his head and stepped up to him again. "I am not leaving Father Victor." He could hear Yuuri's word were barely a whisper, but his eyes were set and he knew he would not leave. As much as he wanted Yuuri to leave, he wanted him to stay. He did not know how long his faith was going to hold out anymore. It was crumbling everyday, every minute Yuuri was around.

He collapsed to his knees and put his arms and head on the floor. He was wrung out. He was exhausted, he did not know what to do. Yuuri kneeled down next to him and wrapped his arms around him, putting his head on his upper back. He could feel Yuuri's body shaking. It was breaking his heart knowing what he was doing to himself but also to Yuuri.

He knew he was sending mixed signals, but it was how he was feeling. He felt unstable and confused. The only thing he knew was that he wanted Yuuri. He wanted him more than he wanted God, and that was a problem. Lifting himself up so he was on his knees, he pulled Yuuri to him. He knew he was conflicted and he knew Yuuri had to be confused.

"I am so sorry Yuuri… I don't know…. I don't know how to handle this…" He felt those arms wrap around his waist as Yuuri's head laid on his chest right under his neck.

"It's okay. Just don't… don't push me away. Please." He could hear the desperation in Yuuri's voice and held him tighter.

"Yuuri, please… I am so sorry… I know… I don't… " He wished he could form everything in him into words but he couldn't.

Yuuri stood and took his hand helping him off the floor. Then led him over to the couch. As they sat down, Yuuri pulled him so he was resting his head on his chest and they stretched out, like yesterday but switched up.

"Father… I do not want to cause you any heart ache, okay?" Yuuri was speaking softly and stroking his hair. It was soothing and helped calm him down. "The only thing I ask is to not turn me away. Please… I will meet you halfway, but you have to let me know, and not shut down on me…. please."

He clutched to Yuuri's shirt. "I cannot give you what you want Yuuri…"

Yuuri's hand stop moving in his hair. "What do you think I want from you?"

"Yuuri… you have needs."

"No, I just need you, even if this is all I get from it… that is all I need." Yuuri started stroking his hair again and kissed his forehead. "Please Father… we can figure out something."

"Can we figure out how to save my soul from damnation?"

Yuuri held him tighter. "Of course… Of course."

* * *

Yuuri sat there with his arms wrapped around Father Victor, just holding him as tightly as he could. He was afraid if he let go it would all be gone. He was not sure if he could take it. He had never worried about losing anyone before and the thought of losing Father Victor pierced him to the core. He knew Father Victor was struggling with his faith and what was happening with him. It was eating him alive knowing this was all tearing the man in his arms apart.

Yuuri wished there was a way to let him know he did not expect anything from the priest, he would never ask him that, never ask him to turn his back on the church. He knew in the back of his mind that it was his wish, but he would never voice it.

"Yuuri?"

"Hrm?"

"Why can't things just be easy?"

Sighing heavily, "I have no idea."

They stayed on the couch longer than they intended to but neither had wanted to let go. They were having quiet conversations back and forth. They had worked to wrapping their bodies around one another as they talked. Yuuri would find himself stealing kisses on Father Victor's forehead and running his fingers through his hair.

"Father?"

"Yes Yuuri?"

"Promise me you will talk to me? You are not in this alone, okay? I cannot bear knowing you are holding all this inside… due to me."

"Yuuri, this is my emotional and spiritual battle, not yours."

"Father, we are in this together, can you not see that? I am as much a part of this as you are. I am not asking you to give up your faith. I never would."

Father Victor sat up and looked in Yuuri's eyes, taking his hand, running his fingers down Yuuri's face, and tracing his jaw. "Sometimes I almost wish you would."

Yuuri blushed and laughed, taking Father Victor's hand and kissing it, "That almost sounds like a marriage proposal…"

"Let's hope we never lose our faith..."

 _He said to them, "Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you." (_ ** _Matthew 17:20_** _)_


	8. Chapter 8

The call came in while Yuuri was still there. It was his mother. She had grown ill and was in the hospital. He spoke in fast Russian and he knew Yuuri did not understand what was going on. He told his mother he would get there as soon as he could and that he loved her.

Hanging up he went to get his laptop and started pounding at the keyboard. Yuuri came over next him.

"Father.. is everything alright ?"

Father Victor shook his head and started looking at flights. "Damn, I need to call…" He grabbed his phone, calling the Bishop to see what could be done. Yuuri was sitting on the couch looking confused.

"Yes, Bishop Jacobs… Yes so my mother is sick and I need to get back to Saint Petersburg… I am thinking a few weeks, month tops. Okay, thanks." Father Victor sat down and Yuuri was immediately at his side wrapping his arms around him.

"Father?"

He broke down the minute he heard Yuuri's voice again. He had not been home in five years and now his mother was dying and calling out to him. They talked regularly and this was something she had kept from him, he felt torn and betrayed. He could feel Yuuri wrap his arms around him and he just fell into Yuuri shoulder sobbing.

"Father…? What is it?" Yuuri was rubbing his back as he continued to sob.

"I've… my mom… I've got to…. Plane ticket…" He let go of Yuuri and started with the laptop again. He had to get back to Saint Petersburg as soon as possible. Bishop Jacobs told him not to worry about the parish, that they would have it all covered. He could not think straight though. His mind was in such a mess.

"Father? Where are you trying to go? Here let me.." Yuuri had taken the laptop and sat back on the couch with it in his lap.

"Saint Petersburg," he barely was able to whisper out. He saw Yuuri typing and clicking around. He couldn't just sit. He was restless and emotional exhausted. Getting up he went into the kitchen and got out the wine he kept. He poured himself a glass and drank it back then got a second glass, filling them both up he went back to where Yuuri was.

"Father… it looks like soonest we can get you out is Tuesday. It would be a very early morning flight but would get your there by late afternoon."

"Nothing tomorrow?" he asked.

Yuuri shook his head. "No, I'm looking through all the airlines."

Nodding his head, he sat down. "Okay, I will get things settled here then before leaving."

Yuuri was getting the ticket booked and he got up to refill his wine glass. He was not caring he was on his third glass at this point. He went to his front window and just stood there staring out down the driveway into the trees. He kept asking himself how he did not know this? How did she keep this from him? He felt Yuuri come up behind him and wrap his arms around him, laying his head between his shoulder blades. They stood that way for a long time till he felt Yuuri step back.

"Father, you're going to need to pack."

"I won't need much. Just my clothes and bible."

"Okay, what can I do?"

Turning he grabbed Yuuri, pulling him in close. "Just this Yuuri, just this." He felt he was smothering Yuuri by holding him so tightly to him. Yuuri had wrapped his arms back around his waist as he wrapped his around his shoulders, digging his face in Yuuri's hair. He felt the only thing keeping him together right now was the man in his arms. Holding onto Yuuri he felt he would not fall apart. He didn't want to let go, but finally he did pull away.

Yuuri had stayed till it was past dark. They did not speak much. Yuuri would do things on the laptop while he went through his bible. It was comforting to him knowing he was there. Yuuri made them tea and took his wine away after he finished the second bottle.

"Father, I have only had two glasses…" When the second bottle was empty and he was looking for another bottle.

"No Yuuri… you must have had more…" He was swaying a bit but he wanted more.

"Okay, Father Victor… look…"

He turned and Yuuri was right there. So close. Reaching out he pulled him to his chest and hugged. "Oh Yuuri… You stayed."

"Father Victor… I think you are drunk."

"No.. no… I wouldn't do that."

Yuuri chuckled a bit at that, "But Father… you did."

He could see that smile on Yuuri's face – it was more of a smirk, but it was melting him. Reaching out he felt like he needed to touch Yuuri. Something about touching Yuuri calmed him, grounded him. Kept him where he needed to be. Kept him from spiraling out of control. Reaching out he grabbed Yuuri's arm, pulling him to him. Once Yuuri was pressed against his chest and he had his arms around him, he felt better.

His hands were rubbing up and down Yuuri's back, each time traveling lower. He did love the feel of Yuuri. Everything about him felt so right. His hands trailing along his sides this time, he felt Yuuri squirm a bit next to him. He must be ticklish. He thought just how cute that was, then wondered if he was ticklish anywhere else…

His mind was racing as his senses were altered and filled with Yuuri. His touch, his smell, the little sounds he made as they were pressed together. He continued to let his hands wander down Yuuri's back, reaching further and further.

He felt Yuuri gasp when his hand traveled almost at his ass. Yuuri pulled back and took his hands. Yuuri was rubbing his thumbs over his hands and smiling at him, still shaking his head, there was a slight blush on his cheeks. He liked knowing he put that blush there.

"Alright, let's go get you to bed. You have a lot to do tomorrow." Yuuri was helping down the hallway to his sparse bedroom. He had never taken Yuuri this far into his small cottage, not that there was much to see. His bedroom consisted of a plain dresser, night stand, and a twin bed. His head was feeling fuzzy and he was slightly dizzy. He had stumbled a little bit and felt Yuuri's hand steady him.

"Yuuri… want to help me to bed?" smiling at that thought, he saw Yuuri shaking his head. Right now he would easily take Yuuri into his bed. Hold him close, finally taste that mouth...

"Father… you are drunk and you need to lay down and sleep it off." Yuuri was starting to step away and he grabbed his wrist and pulled him to him. He felt emotional and tipsy and didn't want Yuuri far away from him. "Father, you need to lay down." He felt himself being pushed down. Falling onto his bed, he laid there with his head on his pillow. Yuuri had gotten a blanket and covered him. What he wanted to do was pull Yuuri down onto the bed with him, to hug him and be close.

"Yuuri…. Please?" he saw Yuuri nod and then sit on the edge of the bed, taking his hand. Yuuri talked quietly to him for a bit, and he felt himself drifting off to the sound of Yuuri's voice.

He remembers waking up with his head pounding and saw there was a glass of water, two pills and a notes on the nightstand. – **Thought you might need these. –Y** – He smiled as he took the pills and slowly got out of bed.

The day was a blur. Getting his bag packed, getting the church ready, and calling his mother checking on her. He felt like he was never going to get out to her in time, and was relieved that night Yuuri showed up with dinner.

* * *

Yuuri felt his heart breaking. Here he was watching Father Victor lying in bed, crying and calling for his mother. He was not really sure what he was saying as he kept moving over to Russian. He knew he should not have let him drink so much, but he also knew he did not have much grounds to stop him either. He had felt completely useless that night, and sitting there just holding the priest's hand seemed to comfort him enough to sleep.

Going home that night, he felt guilty for leaving him, but he also knew staying would not be good either. He went home and just sat there thinking about everything the weekend had thrown at him. He decided he needed some time to meditate and pulled out his rosary beads. Sitting comfortably on his couch, he went through a set. Feeling the beads in his fingers as he went through, ten beads in a row, five in a loop. This always helped calm him and set his mind right. Sometimes when he needed answers he could get lost in prayer.

He went through his mind-numbing day at work and sat with his friend Phichit during lunch. It was a beautiful day and they were sitting out under a tree to eat.

"Hey Phichit… what if I told you I met someone?"

"Oh? I thought I heard you were seeing Sara…"

"Ugh… people talk too much!" always frustrated him how everyone seemed to know everything.

"That they do Yuuri.. but okay... wait… what happened with Sara?"

Yuuri shrugged, "Well she was pretty and sweet, but I couldn't see anything more than that.."

"Yeah man, cause I was going to ask what was wrong with Sara for you not to continue that. She is hot Yuuri, not just pretty." Phichit gave him a smirk. "So who is the new girl?"

"Yeah about that… what if I told you it wasn't a girl...?"

"Then you not liking Sara makes a lot more sense. So who is he then?"

"Yeah about that… I kind of don't want to talk about who it is…"

"You brought it up."

Yuuri sighed, already regretting bringing it up. He just felt like he had a weight lifted off of him now that him and Father Victor had stop hiding their feelings, but he felt alone in it all.

"I know… it's just complicated…"

"What? Telling everyone you are into a guy?"

"Well no… yes… I don't know… It is more than that."

"Oh Yuuri… he isn't married is he?"

 _To the church_ , Yuuri thought and his face turned red.

"Yuuri! Seriously!? A married man!?" Phichit was shocked.

"Phichit… it is not what you think…"

"I am not sure I want to know more, Yuuri." Phichit chuckled and they went back to eating.

After they were just sitting for a bit Phichit asked, "So can I ask out Sara?"

Yuuri smiled, "Yeah sure. She is sweet and you two would get along beautifully."

That evening after work he stopped by the deli on the way to Father Victor's house. He knew he was getting ready to leave in the morning, and he figured dinner would be good. He had sent him a text asking him if he had eaten and it was a simple 'NO' that came back. So he told him he would bring some by. He hated knowing that Father Victor would be gone, and he hated knowing he was going to be alone.

After they had their dinner, they sat just enjoying a quiet night.

Yuuri knew Father Victor was an emotional mess, and waited for him to reach out instead of initiating conversation . Father Victor was quieter than normal, and he understood this. He did not want to pressure him or bring up it up, he just waited till Father Victor made a move. Yuuri felt helpless. Father Victor had told him that him just being there was more than enough help. He felt like there was a lot still unsaid and was very unsure of a lot, but knew now was not the time to press anything.

Father Victor was pacing and kept going refilling his wine glass. The last thing Yuuri wanted was him drunk and fumbling around again, and by the time Father Victor went to get his third glass, Yuuri followed him. When Father Victor reached for the bottle, Yuuri gently grabbed his wrist. Turning Father Victor gave him a puzzled look and Yuuri shook his head. "No, Father, let's slow down and maybe get a glass of water." He brought Father Victor's wrist to his mouth and gently kissed the inside of it. Standing there he watched the pupils of those aqua eyes enlarge.

Sliding his fingers so that he was holding Father Victor's hand, he guided him back to the couch. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his rosary and nodded to Father Victor. "I find it that when I need answers or to quiet my mind, the Rosary helps." Yuuri could feel his cheeks growing warm as he said this and started to gently finger the beads in his hand. He watched Father Victor reach into his pocket and pull out his rosary.

"Let's say it together," he said.

They went through prayers and the Rosary. Yuuri found it did comfort him and he saw that Father Victor had relaxed. They were both sitting on the couch, turned to face one another, taking turns with the prayer. Half way through the rosary beads, Yuuri set his on the coffee table, and took Father Victor's hands and his beads in his hands. They were both gently fingering the beads as they quietly said the prayers.

* * *

His mind was a little fuzzy, but not as much as the night before. When Yuuri put his beads down and grabbed his hands and started to finger his beads with him, all he could think was of his past lover and the way they worked these same beads. It was almost as if he was sparked with electricity the minute Yuuri's hands touched his and those wooden beads. He could feel it from the roots of his hair to the nails of his toes. Yuuri would look him dead in the eye as he said the prayer, and lightly caress his hand and the beads. He knew this was a simple, gentle prayer, but it felt like something more. He felt their hands wrapped around his past lovers beads was painfully romantic.

He sat there, studying Yuuri's mouth. How soft it was, and how full that bottom lip was. It made him wonder how warm it would feel against his. He felt a tingling sensation run through his body. He would have blamed the wine, but Yuuri stopped him from allowing it to fully affect him. Now what was affecting him was Yuuri. Their fingers were caressing each other's more than they were the beads. Every time he felt Yuuri's fingertip rub his finger and then back to the bead, he felt his pulse quicken. Yuuri would move his finger tortuously slow over his, sensually, then he would go and caress the bead.

Yuuri's hands were so soft and warm in his. He noticed he could not take his eyes off of Yuuri as they went through each prayer. Ten beads in a row, five in a loop. They were nearing the end of the line of beads and all he wanted to do was press Yuuri to him and throw the beads across the room. Yuuri had taken over the beads at this point and it was his turn to tease and caress his fingers. He would just place his finger tips close and feel how Yuuri would roll the bead between his fingers before moving to the next, doing the same. He was running his fingers over his hand while looking into Yuuri's eyes, the prayer being whispered.

 _"Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee._

 _Blessed art thou amongst women,"_

"Father?" he heard Yuuri quietly say. When he looked, Yuuri's hands had stopped moving on the beads and he was rubbing Yuuri's forearms. It was different from the touches they had been sharing already, these had a different feeling, a purpose. His hands were slightly gripping and caressing up and down his arm, and he felt the muscle tense and relax beneath his palms. He had stopped whispering the prayer and he was breathing heavily. Yuuri continued the prayer as they gazed back and forth. Yuuri was holding the beads as he continued to rub his forearms.

 _"and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus._

 _Holy Mary, Mother of God…"_

Yuuri was staring at him as he said these words. Their eyes were locked as Yuuri's fingers caressed the beads and he pressed with his hands, gripping Yuuri's forearms harder. They had moved their bodies, inching closer and closer. He wasn't able to form words right now. Watching Yuuri's mouth move as he spoke the words, he could imagine what that mouth would taste like. All he needed to do was lean in. Yuuri's pupils were large and his mouth welcoming. Everything in his body was stirring, his pants felt tight, his heart was beating so fast.

 _"pray for us sinners,_

 _now and at the hour of our death. Amen."_

Yuuri breathed out the last Amen and the beads fell from his hands. Their thighs were pressed against one another and Father Victor slowly ran his hands up Yuuri's arm, gripping his shoulders. His hands trailed higher and laced through the locks of his hair; he gently grabbed handfuls of it and heard him slowly breath in deeply. Leaning in he pressed his forehead to Yuuri.

"Yuuri, you don't have to say anything. Just stay by my side."

Both of them were breathing heavily, his grip tight in Yuuri's hair. So badly he wanted to lean in and just taste those lips. Closing his eyes he said a silent prayer and pulled away. Fingers to forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right. He could see the disappointment in Yuuri's face as he pulled away. Shaking his head he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Yuuri… I am sorry."

Yuuri leaned in and took his hand, cupping the side of his face. "Father… It's alright… Let's make sure you got everything ready for tomorrow morning, okay?"

He nodded and sent a silent prayer to the heavens for the strength… for his trip… and for his feelings for Yuuri.


	9. Chapter 9

That morning Yuuri woke up early and went to get Father Victor to take him to the airport. He had offered to do it, and after much hesitation, Father Victor agreed. It was a quiet ride and he was not sure what to say when it came to this. He knew he would miss the priest so much, but he knew he had to go, and did not want to be selfish.

He was so confused how everything was with Father Victor. Father Victor would be so conflicted and would send him so many mixed signals, that sometimes he felt he was on an emotional roller-coaster. He knew they could make this work; it was just a question of holding onto their faith that it would.

It was about a thirty-minute drive to the airport, and he could see Father Victor fidgeting in his seat. Once they reached the interstate, he leaned over and grabbed Father Victor's hand. He watched his priest settle down and breath a sigh of relief. The drive was quiet and he had kept the radio on low. When they were getting close Father Victor squeezed his hand.

"I have not been home for over five years…"

"You'll be fine. Just message me if you need to talk." He rubbed his thumb over Father's Victor's hand, knowing he was going to miss his touch for the next few weeks.

"Yuuri, I am scared…"

"I know. Just have faith."

He could see Father Victor nod. They pulled up to the drop off as Yuuri offered to park and walk him in, but he would not hear of it. As Father Victor went to get out the car he leaned over and kissed his cheek. He could feel himself melt into his seat as those soft warm lips pressed against his skin. It did not last long enough and he was soon leaving the car. He sat there for a minute, stunned.

Without thinking, he put the car in park and jumped out. Father Victor was getting his bag out the back seat. He ran around the side of the car and as Father Victor turned towards him, he wrapped his arms around his waist, hugging him. He felt those arms go around his shoulders.

"Yuuri, I'll be back before you know it."

"I know. Just needed one more hug."

He did not want to linger too long as they were in public and he knew what it probably looked like, so he released the priest and smiled at him.

"Father Victor, I'll be praying for you and your mother."

He watched the priest cross himself (fingers to forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right) and turn to enter the airport. Getting back into his car and out onto the road, he realized he already missed his priest.

The drive back was quieter than he liked it to be. He even turned the music up and tried to sing along. He felt lonely and incomplete. He knew that seemed stupid and unreasonable, but it was how he felt. He knew these weeks would be hard without Father Victor there, but he was determined to make it through.

When he had finally made it to work, he just went to working trying to lose himself and nothing about what time it was, how much longer he had, or how long Father Victor would be gone. When Phichit came to get him for lunch he was startled and surprised how fast the time had gone by.

Since he was not working on the books at the church, he headed to his mother's house. Father Victor had already brought him the books that morning when he picked him up so he could work on them while he was gone. He figured he would have dinner with his parents and then get lost in numbers and television.

Later that night as he was getting ready for bed, his phone started ringing. He was surprised when he saw it was Father Victor.

"Hello?"

"I didn't wake you did I?"

"No, was just getting ready for bed… wait, why are you even up? Are you okay?"

"I ugh… I couldn't sleep. I stepped outside the hospital for some fresh air…" he could hear him take in a deep breath, then barely heard Father Victor whisper, "wanted to hear your voice."

He felt himself smiling, "I am glad to hear your voice too… so how is everything going with your mom?"

"Oh Yuuri…" he could hear that voice cracking, "It is not good… I was able to get a few good minutes talking to her before she…"

The breaking of Father Victor's voice was like a stab through his heart, "Shhhh… take deep breaths Father… deep breaths."

It took Father Victor a few minutes, "Tell me about your day Yuuri, make my mind think of something else… please."

Yuuri spoke softly to Father Victor and they talked about his flight. He could tell Father Victor had relaxed again. Yuuri did not ask him about his mother, and figured if he wanted to open up more about it, he would just let him do it on his own. He did not want to push him into anything he was uncomfortable with.

After the call he did feel better, and he knew he had helped calm Father Victor down.

Laying in bed he kept thinking how Father's Victor voice would surround him like silk. It would roll around him soothing him. He was missing him terribly. Just being near him, not even having to touch him, with those eyes piercing into him.

He knew he told Father Victor they did not need a physical relationship and until recently he never felt a real need for any type of physical relationship. He could think back to the hugs, the almost kisses, the smell and feel of Father Victor's body against his. He knew it all physically affected him, yet he would tell Father Victor he was okay.

So he did what he always did when he got home. Laying in his bed, jerking his pajamas pants down, grabbing himself, already ready. Every time Father Victor would say his name, it would go straight to his cock and cause a need in him he never knew was there, flaming a fire inside him. It did not take long; it never took long when he thought of Father Victor. Lately it was getting more intense though. The more Father Victor interacted with him, the stronger his fantasies about his priest grew.

* * *

"Ah my beautiful boy Vitya. You made it." His mother looked so tiny and frail in that bed.

Running over to her he sat on the bed and took her in his arms. "Mother, why did you not tell me sooner?"

"Cause it would not have mattered. I was getting old and sick either way, this way I could still talk with you and have you not worry about me."

"Mother," he pulled away and looked into those matching aqua eyes, "That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard."

"No Vitya. You would have dropped and everything and come out here. You have your own life now. I was able to still talk with you a lot. I do not want you to remember me like this."

He could feel his eyes watering and tearing up. His mother wiped the tears starting to fall away. "Oh my beautiful boy, don't cry. You know I will be in good hands."

He hugged her tightly and refused to let go for some time. Even in the hospital she still smelled like he remembered.

"I'm sorry it took so long to come back…"

"Please never apologize for living life Vitya." She was brushing his hair out of his eyes. "You look happy Vitya."

He stayed by her side all night till she fell asleep. They had talked till the doctors told him she needed to rest. He had gone back to his mother's house, his old house, and just walked around for a bit. Not much had changed. She still had the same pictures on the mantel, though there was one of him now in his clergy clothing added. Her bible still stayed on the same shelf, next to the same couch.

He could not help but grab her bible and sit on the couch. The very couch he sat and mourned his past lover. This time he was not mourning. He was remembering. His mind was actually at ease though he knew his emotions would change, but at the moment, he was relaxed and was flipping through his mother's bible.

He woke a few hours later on the couch, and decided to head back to the hospital. He did not want to stay long at the house, as he wanted to spend time with his mother. When he got back to her bedside she was resting. Gathering her hands, he sat quietly and prayed.

Noticing her rosary next to the bedside, he took it with his other hand and gently passed those beads between his hand, reciting the prayers. He was not sure how long he was there while she slept, but it was late at night. He wanted to hear Yuuri's voice briefly before he went to bed and noticed it would be late where he was, but he should still be up.

He knew this would not be an easy trip, and he did not realize how over the past few months his mind had filled with Yuuri. He was never one to really make phone calls unless it was to call his mother. He never texted or used his phone much outside of people calling him. He found himself sending texts to Yuuri throughout the day and smiling whenever one come back in reply. They did not talk about much, but it set his mind at ease that he could still reach out to Yuuri and feel him there.

* * *

The days moved so slowly with nothing to look forward too. Yuuri was sure he could not go back to this routine. Waking up, going to work, having dinner, watching TV, and then bed. This was not life. When Father Victor was around, he felt alive. Even his lunches with Phichit were getting bland. There was nothing to look forward to, except for whenever Father Victor would return.

He felt pathetic for this. At night he would lay in his bed, think of the way Father Victor would touch his cheek, the way his mouth moved when he talked, how warm his skin felt. He could feel his body come alive and he could feel how turned on it made him.

Father Victor said it would never work as he would have needs – he knew he had them, he would never tell Father Victor this. He wanted whatever he could have from the priest. If he meant coming home and releasing alone, he was fine as long as he could keep the priest in arm's distance.

Father Victor was not the texting type, but he would send him a message or two throughout the day. He would call a couple times a week and there was nothing more he loved that hearing that voice at the moment. He always called as Yuuri was getting ready for bed. He was starting to think Father Victor did that on purpose but always had to smile as he laid back on his pillow and listen to him speak.

* * *

"Ah Vitya, have you been here all night?"

He heard that frail voice and leaned over grabbing her hand. "Yes mother, just resting in the chair."

"Vitya, you must go home and sleep my boy."

He heard his phone chime and saw where Yuuri had returned his text. Smiling he replied and went on looking at his mother.

"Who makes you smile so much Vitya?"

"Mother, what do you mean?"

"Vitya, I have noticed your voice different the past couple months, it is good." She was smiling up at him.

"Mother…" he had to chuckle, he never was able to hide anything from her, sighing heavily he squeezed her hand gently, "Yes, someone does make me smile…"

His mother smiling back at him, "Vitya, you deserve happiness."

"Mother, it is not that easy. I made a promise to the church."

His mother slowly sitting up, he had to help her, "Now Vitya, my beautiful baby boy, you can love God and another. Do you really think God would keep his children from love and happiness?"

"It is just not that simple mother."

"Vitya, it really is."

His mother pulled him in a gentle embrace. "Vitya, don't make one decision decide your entire life."

Pulling from his mother, "What are you talking about?"

"Vitya, I am tired. Let your mother rest, as should you."

He watched his mother lay back on the pillows, kissing her forehead he decided to go back to his mother's home and rest a little.

* * *

They had a priest who was standing for Father Victor. Yuuri would go to mass, but he was not as captured as he usually was. Father Victor had a certain passion to his words, his voice making you hang on each word. The priest there now was good, just it was not his priest.

He had been struggling ever since the absence of his priest. His work days were long and tiresome. He had even humored Phichit by going out for drinks at the local bar. Not that the bar was much of anything, but they got a beer and shared some fries just chatting.

With the new priest in, he did visit the confessional more. His needs were getting stronger and stronger. He had told Father Victor he would be okay, now he was doubting it.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned. If has been four days since my last confession." Fingers to forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right. He is clutching his beads in his hands, his mind torn over his feelings.

A strange voice met his, "Carry on my son. Please confess your sins."

It was not that he did not like the new priest, it was just not _his_ priest. The man was friendly and engaged with the church's activities, keeping things flowing nicely while Father Victor was away.

"I have been knowingly been giving in to impure thoughts… over someone… I can never have. I have lied to them telling them I am okay with all of this. I have… acted on my impure thoughts." He is breathing heavily, feeling ashamed for lying to himself and Father Victor about this. He thought he could handle it, he thought just having Father Victor near him would be all he needed. With Father Victor gone, however, something new was lit inside of him.

"Acted how my son?"

"Oh… not like… with anyone else… I um… just…"

"That is okay my son. From time to time, we are known to be slaves to our own flesh."

Taking in a deep breath, he can still smell a lingering of incense in the air. It is not heavy, but it always reminds him of Father Victor. His beads trailing through his fingers, ten beads in a row, five in a loop.

"I lied about… well to them… about how… well I told them I was okay with it never being… anything." Taking out a deep breath he did not know why this was so hard. When he went to confession and he always omitted this part. He needed it off his chest. It was eating him inside.

"My son, by God's commandments, we must not lie."

"I did not know I was lying...till recently." That was the truth; he had told himself and Father Victor he was okay with it all, just having what he could. At that time it was the truth, but as time went by, his desires and feelings grew. "I can never be with them…" The rosary beads in his hands reminded him of the night he sat with Father Victor before he left. The way they would gaze into one another's eyes, saying the prayers, and the feel of his hands on his arms.

"My son… are they spoken for by another?"

Hanging his head in shame, "Yes." Closing his eyes, he hung his head; how could he compete with God? There was no competition there, nor should there ever be.

"My son, we must honor the vows of marriage. Adultery is a mortal sin."

Startled, he had never thought of it that way. Would it be considered adultery or even worse if things ever went the way he fantasied? He already knew if Father Victor initiated something he would willing give in to. He had even told him so. He had not a shred of doubt over in that regard. He would follow his priest through every fire of hell if he asked.

"Father I would never… act on it. I just need to not think of them. Just the more I think about them and spend time around them..."

"My son, you need to be able to spend time away from them. Think of this as all over, so there are no lies or sin."

That was the last thing he wanted. This priest would never understand. It was not _his_ priest. His priest would understand and give him proper guidance. At this point he could never give Father Victor up. Deciding he would keep his urges to himself, he would hope the small lies that came from it would be forgiven.

"Yes Father. I will try my best."

"Pray with me my son. But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please. Galatians 5:16-17. Now go forth and continue your rosaries and walk in the light of our Lord. Pray for me, I will pray for you. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen."

"Amen, thank you Father."


	10. Chapter 10

It was the middle of the night when Yuuri heard his phone ringing. He was still drunk on sleep when he noticed Father Victor was calling. Grabbing for his phone he was able hit the button to accept the call.

"Father?"

He could heard heavy unsteady breathing coming through the phone. He sat up immediately and turned his lamp on next to his bed. Seeing it was barely two in the morning, it knew it was morning where Father Victor was.

"Father? Is everything ok?"

"Just… talk to me… please Yuuri." He could hear a strain in Father Victor's voice.

"Um… okay. I am sorry… I don't know what to say."

"Anything Yuuri… tell me of the orchards and your life growing up."

Yuuri decided to tell Father Victor the time him and his sister had tried to build a tree-house in one of the orchard trees. They had only managed a few boards over the branches they could sit on. After a few weeks the boards started to split and when his sister fell out of the tree breaking her arm they made them take the boards down. He went through stories of how his parents would always be out yelling for him when he was up hiding or sleeping in the trees.

He could hear a light chuckle coming from the other end of the phone. "I would have loved to have seen you younger climbing trees Yuuri. I bet it was adorable."

How his priest could make him blush over the phone still amazed him. "I am not sure if my parents would agree with that. They were always looking for me."

"Yuuri… mom passed this morning." He heard Father Victor's voice crack again.

"Oh Father… I am so sorry."

"Thanks, but please, tell me another story." The cracking in his priest's voice as he could hear how he was trying hard to keep himself together.

"Do you want me to come out there?"

"No… I want you to talk to me."

Yuuri was telling him how the books were going and how he almost had converted over his spreadsheets and how they could soon be utilized in the church. He did not know much of what to say so he just rambled. He could hear the shaking voice of Father Victor through the phone and would try to pick a lighter topic to talk of. He had been talking for a long time and had gotten up to get a drink of water.

"Oh Yuuri… I am keeping you from sleeping aren't I?

"Don't even worry about that Father."

"I could use one of your hugs." He barely could hear Father Victor talking as his voice was so quiet.

"If I were there, you know I would." His heart was aching. He would do anything right now to be next to his priest holding him and letting him cry.

"Yuuri… I've got to go back in… thank you."

"Of course Father. Please, call me if you need me."

"I will. Pray for me Yuuri."

"Always."

Yuuri could not get back to sleep after talking to him. He curled up in a chair in his living room and turned on the TV. Flipping through the stations he could not find anything to watch. He wished he could be with Father Victor right now to comfort him. He did not even realize an infomercial was on the TV, nor did he notice the silent tears scrolling down his cheeks. He just stared at the cross on his wall and prayed for his priest.

He did not know for how long he sat there, but his alarm had chimed waking him up.

Yuuri realized he had fallen asleep on his couch, and by the soreness in his neck and back, at a bad angle. Standing up, he stretched then went to the kitchen to make some coffee in hopes it would wake him. Looking at his phone he saw Father Victor had sent him a message, thanking him for talking to him. Yuuri shook his head and wished his priest would understand it was the least he could do.

Yuuri wished there was more he could do though. He even knew that if Father Victor were to ask him to go out there, he would have booked a flight first thing. He hated knowing his priest was alone there. Actually, he did not know how alone he was, because he did not know much about his family. He knew Father Victor had always been close to his mother, but he never heard a thing about him having a father or siblings.

Yuuri made his cup of coffee and sat back down on his couch, turning on his TV. As he sat back, sipped his coffee, his thoughts ran to what he knew of his priest. Whenever they talked, it was always about him and his life, never much about Father Victor. Yuuri knew it would not a be good time to bring that up, especially now, but it weighed on his mind. When he brought up Father Victor's past, he would hear stories of his childhood with his mother, but nothing more, and nothing relevant.

Yuuri frowned and figured he had better go get ready for another mind-numbing day at the office.

* * *

"Vitya, tell me about him," he heard his mother whisper.

Father Victor took his mother's hand and held onto it gently. "Oh mother, he is truly a blessing. Let me show you, I have a picture." He pulled his phone out and got some pictures they had taken at the yard sale together. Yuuri and him smiling as he took a quick selfie, he had done the same with others so it did not seem out of place.

"Oh Vitya, he has Silas's eyes," his mother all but whispered.

Father Victor nodded, "Yes, but that is their only similarity. Mother, if two could be any more different, it would be Yuuri and Silas." He had to chuckle at that thought.

"My beautiful boy, don't let your past keep you from your future. You deserve happiness, Silas and God will understand this. It has been a long time since I have seen that sparkle in your eyes." Her breath was ragged and she had to pull hard to get air.

"Mother rest. I will be right here."

"Vitya, I love you, promise me you will live and love."

"Mother…"

"Vitya, promise me. You can have both, life and love. You have always chosen one over the other. I need to know you will grasp both." Her voice was strained and it made his heart ache.

He kissed his mother's hand, stared down at her, "Of course mother. I will grasp both."

"Vitya… don't let what happen with Silas get in the way of how you feel for Yuuri. I can see how your eyes look when you speak of him. They sparkle and dance. I have not seen that spark in your eyes in a long time. Promise me Vitya… my beautiful baby boy… promise me you will have life and love. I cannot bear leaving knowing you will be alone..." he could hear the strain in her voice and see the tears in her eyes.

Father Victor cupped his mother's cheek and kissed her forehead, "Mother, I promise I will have life and love. I will not be alone"

"Thank you my Vitya. I love you. More than anything."

He watched as his mother turned her head, falling to sleep. A few hours later the doctor came in asking if he wanted to do the last rites, or if they wanted to call in someone else. Father Victor shook his head, "I'll… let me call Father Feltsman… I… cannot."

He made the quick call to Father Feltsman and sat holding his mother's hand till he arrived. Once he saw the man standing there, he let go of his mother's hand and embraced him. It had been five years, and he swore, Father Feltsman had not changed one bit.

"Oh Vitya. I wish we were meeting under better circumstances."

Father Victor stood there, holding his mother's hand as Father Feltsman gave the last rite. Father Feltsman stayed with Father Victor till his mother took her last breath. Father Victor let the tear slide down his cheek. He let go of his mother's hand, kissed her forehead and walked out the hospital.

Stepping outside he found a quiet place to sit and pulled out his phone. He needed to hear Yuuri's voice right now. He needed to be grounded again. He could feel himself losing control and knew he would need to cry and grieve, but right now, he wanted to hear his Yuuri's voice. He knew it was late and Yuuri was probably in bed. He felt selfish as he called in hopes he would pick up."

* * *

It was weird how fast Yuuri could do the books and get the spreadsheet updated without Father Victor to distract him. He had actually gotten up to date and met with the secretary to show her how to input everything. He felt a little sad knowing he did not have the church evenings to look forward too, but he also knew he could just go spend time with his priest too.

He had already worked for the day, gone to his parents for dinner, and was now back home. He did not know what to do with himself. He was feeling lonely and pathetic when his phone rang, as he looked down he saw it was Phichit ringing.

"Yuuri, I am bored. Let's go get a drink."

"Sounds perfect."

They had met at a local bar and talked over a few beers.

"Dude, Yuuri, I am telling you, she shot me down before I could give her a good reason to date me." Phichit laughed and had his arm draped around Yuuri.

"Ah, Phichit, she doesn't know what she is missing."

"Cheers to that!"

Yuuri and Phichit sat talking for a couple hours. They ordered some food and just enjoyed being out of the house.

"Yuuri, are you ever going to tell me who your mystery man is?"

"Um… no. It is not my secret to tell."

"Ugh! You are killing me!"

Yuuri had to smile as Phichit didn't bring it up often, but when he did, he always would ask who it was. Yuuri would love to sit and just tell him everything, how he felt, get some advice, anything. This was something he had to keep to himself, as it was not just himself he was damning if anything got out. He knew he trusted Phichit, but he also was scared of the reaction he might get. How do you tell your friend you have fallen for a priest? How do you tell anyone this?

Yuuri shook his head and smiled back at Phichit. "I know Phichit, and I appreciate you understanding. Just… I can't explain, but it is complicated."

"It makes me worry you'll be hurt." Phichit turned serious; he did not do that often.

"Honestly, I probably will be, but he is worth it."

He could see Phichit flinch a bit at that statement, but he made sure he smiled at him either way. He could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket and saw it was Father Victor calling, shaking his head as he knew it was the middle of the night in Saint Petersburg. He excused himself and stepped outside.

"Father?"

"You're not busy are you?"

"No, just having a drink with a friend… Father, are you okay?"

"Can you call me once you are done?"

"I can talk now, I'll just tell…"

"Yuuri! No! Please… spend time with your friend, then call me back ok?" He could tell Father Victor was set on this. "And Yuuri, don't rush."

"Okay. I'll call you soon."

When he got back to his table, he saw Phichit have this grin on his face. Yuuri gave him a questioning look.

"Yuuri… since when do priests… who are out of town… call on a weekend night?"

Yuuri wanted to gasp, but he kept his composure. "He ugh… had questions on something on the spreadsheet I did for the church… he ugh… has access to it." Dammit, he was lying again.

 _Excellent speech becomes not a fool: much less do lying lips a prince._ ( ** _Proverbs 17:7_** )

Phichit cocked his eyebrow up at him, still with a questioning look, then starting to laughing. "Ha ha ha, I guess you are right! I mean he is a man of God and all! I don't think even you'd be that desperate for someone."

Yuuri could feel the absurdity of it all. Phichit was right. What was he thinking?

* * *

He was back at his mother's place. Father Victor looked around her sitting room, and held his glass of vodka he poured from his mother's crystal decanter. He could feel himself being torn apart at the moment. Father Feltsman had come back with him to the house, but finally he made him leave once it got late. He had been pacing the house all night, unable to sleep. In regards to the call to Yuuri, he was glad Yuuri was out doing something, but upset they could not talk. He would wait though. He would never ask Yuuri to abandon his friend, because he knew Yuuri would.

He stood at the big bay window in the sitting room; his mother always left pillows there for one to sit and look out. The moon was out and stars glittered in the sky. He sat with his glass in hand and prayed. He knew he was soon going to break down and just cry, but he had not yet. He knew he had too, but right now he wanted to just hear Yuuri's voice. He was feeling conflicted about how dependent he was becoming on Yuuri. He had spent the last few years on his own, never having someone to lean on. Yuuri accepted it and welcomed it, he knew this, but it was foreign to him, and he liked it.

He heard his phone starting to ring, and seeing it was Yuuri, he picked up immediately.

"Yuuri, hello."

"Hello Father, are you okay?"

He sighed deeply and just sat looking out the window, "No Yuuri I am not… "

"Let me come out there Father, I can help you."

It warmed his heart every time he heard Yuuri concerned. "No Yuuri, you need to stay there. I know you would be here if I asked you to, and I am truly blessed to have someone such as you in my life… no Yuuri, I just need to hear your voice."

He could hear Yuuri sigh, "I feel useless over here. It is not the same anymore Father… with you gone… all I do is work and maybe go out with a friend for drinks… at least I could be there to comfort and help you."

"But you do this already as we speak." He hated to hear that Yuuri felt this way. He knew Yuuri was meant for great things, and living in that town was going to slowly dull the fire inside of him.

"So what are you going to do now?"

"Well we will plan the funeral and I will probably head back home. It will take some time before her estate and things are prepared. I guess I will wait till then." He hated thinking about all of this and what might happen. He sat at that bay window looking out to the sitting room and could not imagine anyone else in this house. He grew up in this house, the memories were scattered all throughout it. He could imagine bring Yuuri here and showing him everything. The pictures on the mantel, his mother's books, the gardens in the back yard. He had to shake that thought out of his head as it would never be. He sighed deeply and decided to just enjoy the time he had with Yuuri and listening to his voice.

They talked for a while longer. Nothing of any real importance, but was enough to calm Father Victor down and allow him to go to his old room and climb into his old bed and sleep. His dreams were filled of his mother that night. All their warm and happy memories coming to him like a soft whisper as he slept. When he woke the next morning, he was not sad; he felt like his mother had come to him in his sleep and gave him peace. He went out in the garden and prayed that morning.

It rained when he put his mother in the earth. Father Feltsman did a beautiful service and he stood next to his side. Neither man using an umbrella and allowed the rain water to wash over them.

Strangely enough the rains had stopped once the service was over. Father Feltsman and Father Nikiforov shook hands and hugged the mourners. They stayed at the site for quite some time, even watching the men come and start pouring dirt back into the grave.

"Vitya, let's go walk, you should not have to watch this." Father Feltsman had his hand on his shoulder and they rose to go walk.

The graveyard was large with the trees and flowers in bloom around them. They walked in silence for some time till finally Father Feltsman stopped.

"Vitya, you have been holding strong, are you ok?"

"Father Feltsman, I will carry on."

"That was not what I was asking. Vitya, I have known you for some time now, no we do not always talk, but I know when there is something on your mind. All things considered, there is more going on in that mind of yours."

Father Victor sighed and led them over to a bench to sit. "There is quite a bit on my mind Father…"

Father Feltsman rested his hand on his shoulder, "You can speak to me Vitya."

"I know Father… I just… I just don't know how to say it all."

"Sometimes Vitya, I find it best to just spit it out, then we aren't trying to cover what we really want to say."

"I think I have fallen for someone... and I feel conflicted with it all."

"Ah Vitya, I wish I could say I was surprised. You went through a traumatic event and jumped into this hard. You have the passion for it all, yes. You are an amazing priest… I cannot tell you what to do, this is between you and God… but know, you would not be the first."

Father Victor chuckle lightly, "That answered nothing…"

"You wanted an actual answer?"

"Of course not, I think I need to pray on it. Mother said I needed to chase this, she said I needed Life and Love… whatever that is…"

"Vitya, your mother was a smart woman. You are probably best to listen to her."

"Have you ever… had your faith swayed Father?"

"Why do you think this means your faith has swayed?"

Father Victor thought to himself about how there were so many things he wanted with Yuuri, not just physically… but everything. "I took a vow Father."

"You cannot change how your heart feels… you need to pray and ask yourself… are they worth it? Defrocking is a huge decision to make my son." With that Father Feltsman winked and they continued their journey out of the graveyard.


	11. Chapter 11

Yuuri was walking into the terminal, anxious to have his priest back after their being gone for a month. It was the longest month he could remember. Father Victor had told him not to worry as he could get the Bishop or the stand in priest to come get him, but he insisted. He needed to see his priest. He did not know how much he would really miss him, and he realized it once Father Victor was gone. He continued the journey down the terminal till he saw that ash blonde hair standing out from the crowds of people, he was on the other side of the glass where he was.

Locking eyes with his priest, he knew they had to get to the end of the hallway to reach one another. Keeping his eyes locked with his priest, they both started running, each on the other end of the glass till they reached the end. As the door opened, Father Victor opened his arms as he flung himself to his priest. He could feel those strong arms wrap around his center and pull him in tightly.

Yuuri felt like crying for a moment as he could not believe his priest was really back. He had dreamed of this moment for a month now since he dropped him off. He cradled his head into the nook of Father Victor's shoulder and neck and just held on tightly.

"Never leave me again… ever," was all Yuuri could manage to whisper out into Father Victor's ear.

"Oh Yuuri... I missed you." he could feel Father Victor's chest rumbling with laughter.

"I am serious. Let me be selfish and wish to never have you leave my side. This month was terrible with you gone," he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes and he did not want to let go of Father Victor.

The words from the other night with Phichit rang into his mind. Was he truly so desperate that he would reach out to a man of God? He squeezed his priest one more time and backed away. He noticed he was wearing a long trench coat that was buttoned up enough to hide his clerical collar. He could tell Father Victor saw him staring so he diverted his eyes elsewhere and grabbed one of his bags as they headed out the terminal.

When they reached the car he went and opened the back door so they could put his two bags in the back seat. Once he closed the door and turned around, Yuuri was embraced again. He could feel Father Victor consuming him. Closing his eyes, he breathed in deeply wrapping his arms around Father Victor's middle again. Father Victor put his head on Yuuri's shoulder and they just stood there.

"You may be selfish with it Yuuri, and maybe I am too. This is all I have wanted for weeks… to hold you and have you close again."

Those tears welled back up in his eyes and this time he could not hold them back. A sob escaped his throat and he grabbed the material at Father Victor's coat.

"Yuuri… are you okay?" he could feel Father Victor trying to pull away and Yuuri just pulled him closer and hugged him tighter.

Yuuri is not sure how long they stood there, but he was trying to get himself back under control. Yuuri was so overwhelmed with emotions at the moment, but he did not want his priest seeing his face like this.

When he finally pulled away, there was a concerned look on Father Victor's face. He shook his head and walked over to the driver side, getting in. Once Father Victor got in, he took his hand and looked over at him.

"Yuuri, I am concerned. Are you okay?"

Sniffling he nodded, "Yes, just am happy to finally see you." Yuuri smiled and it was a true genuine smile. Father Victor squeezed his hand and they left from the airport.

* * *

To Father Victor, Yuuri was his grounding point. His emotions were running so high by the time he finally had wrapped his arms around him. Father Victor could feel everything settling and calming down. What he did not expect was the rush of emotions he could almost feel pouring out of Yuuri. They were standing next to the car and he could feel Yuuri clutching to his coat, holding him tightly.

The moment he felt Yuuri's body shaking and the sob escape his mouth, Father Victor wanted nothing more than to look into those eyes, but Yuuri was holding him too tightly to pull from. The best Father Victor could think to do was just hold Yuuri close and wait for him to let go.

Father Victor missed his arms around Yuuri, even gone, he would dream how well Yuuri fit up to him, how easily his head would rest on him. The ride back was quiet and Yuuri held his hand until they got into town. Once Yuuri pulled onto the main road in the town, he let go of Father Victor's hand and gripped the steering wheel looking ahead. They reaching the church, Yuuri pulled around the back and they went to get his bags from the back seat. He had to smile as he was happy Yuuri was with him.

He set his bag down and they went into the kitchen, Father Victor could not help but feel the awkward tension between them. Yuuri was just kind of standing off to the side watching him as if he did not know what to do. They were so happy to see one another, but it had been a month since they had spent anytime together and standing there now, in each other's presence, neither knew what to do. Father Victor took his long coat off, his clerical collar back in view.

"Would you like me to make some tea? I am afraid I do not have much right now," he offered to Yuuri.

Yuuri nodded. "Yes, tea would be nice."

Yuuri stayed off to the side of the kitchen and Father Victor wished he would move closer. It seemed Yuuri was so far away though they were under the same roof. The water was heating up as he reached in his cabinet for his tea. He had started getting a special jasmine green tea as he knew that was Yuuri's favorite. It made him smile thinking when he went to the store and made sure he got something Yuuri would like. He would like to think he could do more things for Yuuri like this. He had thought a lot about this when he was in his mother's home, things he could do for Yuuri. He knew Yuuri would never ask him anything, but he wanted to do everything for Yuuri. Yuuri was what held him together.

Father Victor wanted to talk with Yuuri, about his talk with his mother and Father Feltsman. He wanted to sit and explain everything going on in his head. He actually wanted to consider a life with Yuuri but he had to figure out a way to keep his faith _and_ Yuuri. He wanted to take Yuuri and just leave this town but could he just abandon his parish? He had considered laicization and stepping away from the church, but it seemed rushed, too fast. He did not know if Yuuri would freak out and think it was all too soon. He found himself torn over what to do now. That moment when he first held Yuuri in the airport- leaving the church was his first thought. Now that he is back in his cottage, with Yuuri, the questions are hitting him hard. Father Victor did not know what to do. He felt he was being choked by his collar.

"Yuuri, let the tea steep, I am going to go set my bag in my room and change. I will be right back." Father Victor grabbed his bag and went back to his room. The minute he was in there he ripped the collar off his neck and was breathing heavy as he grasped his dresser. All these questions in his head engulfed him. He took a couple deep breaths to calm himself _'Get a grip on yourself Vitya'_ he kept telling himself. Slowly, with his fingers shaking, he started to unbutton his shirt. He continued to tell himself to breathe. He has done this before, Yuuri has seen him not in clerical clothing, but he knew this meant something different.

He grabbed his t-shirt and slipped it on. He calmed his nerves and grabbed a pair of jeans he had in his closet and changed into those. He ran his fingers through his hair and went to step back into the hallway. Yuuri was leaning against the counter casually, going through his phone, and looked up when he heard Father Victor walk in.

He watched Yuuri set his phone down and stand up. Yuuri's eyes looked him slowly up and down and he felt a bit self conscious again. Father Victor shifted a little bit back and forth on his feet and put his hands in his pockets. He kept his eyes locked with Yuuri's and watched him walk over. As Yuuri looked up at him and smiled, Father Victor kept his hands in his pockets.

"Father Victor, I like this look on you." Yuuri said quietly as he lifted his hand touching his shoulder down to the sleeve of his shirt.

"Yuuri, please, just call me Victor… or even better, Vitya." he almost whispered out.

Yuuri's eye went wide and his cheeks were red as he nodded. "Vitya… I like that."

Victor felt Yuuri's arms wrap around his middle, and he felt him press against him. Such a familiar feeling he knew he would always cherish. Holding Yuuri tightly to him, these were the moments where all his answers were. His mind would calm and his questions were gone. This was where he belonged. Finally Yuuri stepped back and went to get their tea as Victor went into the living room.

"I feel like I was gone longer than a month," Victor laughed out loud as they settled into the couch.

"It felt like longer than a month. Are you doing okay?" Yuuri asked him and took his hand, scooting closer to him.

"As okay as I am going to be. I find I pray more." Victor had to laugh at that a bit. He had prayed more in the last month than he had in the last few years. The last time he could remember praying this much as after the accident.

"Vitya, I can see something is on your mind…" Yuuri trailed off.

Victor sighed, "I think it is the jet lag… I am still on Russian time." There was so much more he wanted to say but he did not. He just pulled Yuuri close to him and held him tightly.

They found themselves laid out on the couch, Victor was on his back with Yuuri half on him and half on his side on the couch. He ran his fingers through Yuuri's hair as they talked quietly. Yuuri wanted to know about his mother and his life in Russia. Victor skipped over the parts of Silas, that was for another time, not now.

Victor was distracted by the feel of Yuuri's fingers lazily running over his chest, the feel of Yuuri's body on and next to him, the way Yuuri had hooked his leg over him as they laid there.

"Vitya," Yuuri purred in his ear, "tell about the gardens you said you mother had. You had called me a few times from them."

Every time Yuuri said 'Vitya' he wanted to close his eyes and moan. He continued to run his fingers through Yuuri's hair. "Ah Yuuri… mother had the best gardens. She has worked very hard on them since I was a kid…" He went into the details of the trees, bushes, and flowers out in the back. The benches she had placed around the garden where they would sit and talk. "I was able to keep the same gardeners there while I am gone…" he realized his mouth slipped and stopped speaking. Victor had not told Yuuri he planned going back in about a year's time. It should give them plenty of time to work out the estate and for him to settle his affairs here.

"Vitya… what…." Yuuri's fingers had stopped moving and his body went rigid . Victor felt Yuuri pull away and start to sit up on the couch. "While you are gone? What does that mean?"

Victor sighed and sat up. This was not the way he wanted Yuuri to hear it. They had just been so relaxed and comfortable.

"Well Yuuri… once everything is straight with the estate… I had planned on maybe, residing at mother's house…" Victor could not look Yuuri in the eye as he said this.

"Oh…" Yuuri got up off the couch and started walking towards the door.

"Yuuri?"

"Father Victor, I must go home. Please… have a good night." Yuuri was almost at the door when Victor sprung up and rushed over to him. He grabbed Yuuri by the wrist, only to have Yuuri pull away.

"Yuuri, you're upset. Don't be. We still have time." What he wanted to do was tell Yuuri how he wished he would join him in Russia. How he wished to walk the gardens with him. Victor just stood there, not saying any of it.

"When did you decide this, Father Victor?" Every time Yuuri said 'Father Victor', Victor would flinch.

"Please Yuuri, call me…"

"NO! Why? Just so we can get closer and I can fall more in… Just so you can leave?" Yuuri's face was red, not from blushing this time, it was different, he was emotional.

Victor could see the heartache in Yuuri's eyes and hear it in his voice. He could have sworn Yuuri almost told him something, but he had cut himself off. "Yuuri, please. Nothing has been decided." Victor grabbed for Yuuri again and pulled him to him as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Yuuri was not returning the hug, his body was trembling. "Please Yuuri… I promise… nothing has been decided. It was just an idea... " He nuzzled into Yuuri's hair and finally felt Yuuri's arms wrap around his center. Knowing Yuuri hugged him back eased his mind.

Victor had to find a way to figure this all out.

* * *

 _He wants to leave me? What the hell? If I could feel anymore stupid… I almost told him I was falling in love with him… How could I be so stupid?_

Victor was still holding him and he wrapped his arms around Victor, unable to really ever be mad at him. As much as he wanted to yell and scream right now, when he saw the moisture gathering in Victor's eyes, he could not. He was not sure how long he stood there holding Victor, but he knew he was trying not to break down. He knew his body was trembling as every emotion he could ever feel was coursing through his body.

"Yuuri, breath… calm down… please." Victor's voice was in his ear. It was quiet but he could feel Victor's breath on his neck. It sent a shiver down his spine and now his body trembled for other reasons. Yuuri felt torn, here was the man he was easily falling in love with, and the same man who was telling him he might be leaving in a year to another country... _his priest_. Without his collar on he could almost forget who Victor was. When they were laid out on the couch talking, it seemed so normal.

Yuuri gripped hard at Victor, hugging him tighter. He felt a warm mouth against his neck. He was not sure if Victor was that close or if it was more. The moment he felt the mouth moving on his neck he shuddered. Yuuri could not understand how Victor could do this to him. Enrage him one moment, then have him melting the next. Yuuri tilted his head a little bit and allowed Victor to pepper kisses down the side of his neck.

"Yuuri, I will never leave you. This is my promise," he heard Victor say in his neck and give his neck one last kiss as his tongue gently caressed his skin. Yuuri inhaled sharply and clutched tighter at him.

"I'm sorry… I overreacted…" Yuuri said as he pulled back from Victor. He took Victor's hands in his and squeezed them.

"I guess I should have explained things better Yuuri, for that I am sorry. How about we order some delivery, and then I'll probably head to bed early… still on Russian time here." Victor winked at Yuuri, and Yuuri smiled back at him. Yuuri could not help but focus on Victor's mouth as he talked. The memory of those lips on his neck, stirred something deep inside of him.

Yuuri went home shortly after as he could tell Victor was overly tired and still trying to adjust to the jet lag. It was still relatively early for him when he got home so he turned the TV and played with his phone.

Yuuri laid in bed that night, processing all the emotions he was feeling . He was so happy Father Victor was back yet so torn over it all. He had fallen in love with a priest. During the month of them being part they had talked on the phone and had deep conversations which had Yuuri learning about who Victor was. Even tonight, he got more of a look into Victor's past and how he grew up. Victor being back was everything Yuuri wanted.

The feeling of those lips on his neck came back to mind and he started to get turned on. So Yuuri did what he did almost every night before going to sleep – he used his hand and thought of his priest.

* * *

 _Closing the door behind him, he hears it click into place. The echo going through out the tiny, dark, shadow filled room. Incense is thick in the air, it curls in your nose and clings to your clothing, making your throat burn and eyes water. An old worn wooden chair sits in the center of the tiny cramped space. Standing up if you reached your arms out, they cannot fully extend, as a child this room was dark, intimidating, brought by nightmares of hell fires and demons. The floor glows from the sunlight outside the room, but just the bottom half. To the right, there is a cage like opening. Not bars on the opening, no. More like a screen, a screen etched with small crosses going in a criss cross pattern. The screen is closed off._

 _Waiting, breathing in more incense, he hears someone enter in the next room, the door shuts quietly into place. There is a slight rustling around of robes, wood creaking, giving way to weight. A few more moments and the slide of the cover on the grate opens. Giving way to the room next to it, but no sight. Nothing could be seen other than a slight silhouette. He knew there was someone there, the soft steady breathing and the silhouette barely seen._

 _Slipping his hand to his forehead, mid section, left shoulder, and then right. Pushing the chair back as far to the wall and dropping to his knees on the hard cold floor, palms sweaty, cold, hard wooden beads pressed against them, between fingers gently rolling and pulling them._

 _"Bless and forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last confession. Since then I have committed two mortal sins…." the beads are working through his fingers, counting all ten beads, then moving to another ten. He knows each requires a prayer, but slipping them through his fingers are a comfort, keeping his hand busy. Taking a deep breath, the incense burning into his lungs, clearing his throat, mouth going dry and tongue feeling heavy, stale._

 _Opening his mouth, no sound comes out, he clears his throat._

 _"My son, confess your sins," he hears a low voice say through the screen. He hears his priest voice that sets his cock alive, twitching in his pants. Taking in a deep breath, the incense sharp in his nostrils, burning heavily in his throat. For a quick moment, he looks to the door, the brass handle begging him to turn it and flee. Pulling the beads through his fingers, he is afraid if he pulls the thin cord harder he will litter the floor in them._

 _Wrapping the beads tightly in his fist, fingers again to forehead, mid section, left shoulder, right shoulder – takes a slow deep breath, clears his throat, trying to get the taste of incense out of his throat, trying to keep the stir in his pants from returning as he confesses his sins. He hesitates for a moment as he knows on the other side of the screen, it is his priest and he came here to have someone to talk too, now he would be telling his priest everything in his mind._


	12. Chapter 12

Yuuri had been fantasizing for over a month now. What it would finally be like to be with his priest. At night he laid in bed, different versions going through his head. He would then dream of it and awake in the morning so hard it would take only a couple strokes and he would be releasing. He needed more and he knew he needed more, but he could not pressure Father Victor into it as he had told him many times he was okay with how things were.

Father Victor was getting bolder. Yuri could feel lips on his neck now when they were in each other's embrace. All Yuuri wanted was to feel those lips against his, but he was not brave enough to initiate it nor did he want to aliment the conflict in Father Victor even further than he already had. He felt terrible as he was lusting after a man he could never have, and was lying about it. He had lied to his best friend.

He wished he could talk it over with Phichit, he wish he could tell Phichit everything, but he knew this was not his secret to tell – only half of it. He just wished he had someone he could confess it all to...

Closing the door behind him, he hears it click into place. The echo going throughout the tiny, dark, shadow filled room. Incense is thick in the air, it curls in your nose and clings to your clothing, making your throat burn and eyes water. An old worn wooden chair sits in the center of the tiny cramped space. Standing up if you reached your arms out, they cannot fully extend, as a child this room was dark, intimidating, brought by nightmares of hell fires and demons. The floor glows from the sunlight outside the room, but just the bottom half. To the right, there is a cage like opening. Not bars on the opening, no. More like a screen, a screen etched with small crosses going in a criss cross pattern. The screen is closed off.

Waiting, breathing in more incense, he hears someone enter in the next room, the door shuts quietly into place. There is a slight rustling around of robes, wood creaking, giving way to weight. A few more moments and the slide of the cover on the grate opens. Giving way to the room next to it, but no sight. Nothing could be seen other than a slight silhouette. He knew there was someone there, the soft steady breathing and the silhouette barely seen.

Slipping his hand to his forehead, midsection, left shoulder, and then right. Pushing the chair back as far to the wall possible and dropping to his knees on the hard cold floor, palms sweaty, cold, hard wooden beads pressed against them, between fingers gently rolling and pulling them.

"Bless and forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last confession. Since then I have sinned…." The beads are working through his fingers, counting all ten beads, then moving to another ten. He knows each requires a prayer, but slipping them through his fingers are a comfort, keeping his hand busy. Taking a deep breath, the incense burning into his lungs, clearing his throat, mouth going dry and tongue feeling heavy, stale.

Opening his mouth, no sound comes out, he clears his throat.

"My son, confess your sins," he hears a low voice say through the screen. He hears _his priest_ voice that sets his cock alive, twitching in his pants. Taking in a deep breath, the incense sharp in his nostrils, burning heavily in his throat. For a quick moment, he looks to the door, the brass handle begging him to turn it and flee. Pulling the beads through his fingers, he is afraid if he pulls the thin cord harder he will litter the floor in them.

Wrapping the beads tightly in his fist, fingers again to forehead, midsection, left shoulder, right shoulder – he takes a slow deep breath and clears his throat, trying to get rid of the taste of incense, trying to keep the stir in his pants from returning as he confesses his sins. He hesitates for a moment as he knows on the other side of the screen, it is _his priest_ , and since he came here to have someone to talk to, now he would be telling _his priest_ everything in his mind.

"I… I have sinned... I have knowingly… and willingly... given into impure thoughts and actions… I have lied to my best friend about who I am in love with..." breathing in deeply, incense clinging to his nose, no longer burning, uncomfortable, almost welcoming. Voice going low, quiet, almost unable to be heard, the clanking of the beads in his hands growing louder, "I... have thought of a man… and not… not just thinking of him… but thinking of him… in an impure way…." he stops again. He doesn't know how to continue, and doesn't know if he should.

"Go on." He hears that voice again, smooth, like silk across his ears, he could listen to _his priest_ talk to him forever...

Swallowing hard, he rubs a bead between his fingers. "So um… I was saying… these thoughts I have… this man… he is someone I can never have. They are unholy thoughts, they are impure thoughts and I love thinking them." There he said it. "I know I should repent, I know I should not love them, but I continue to every night… think… these thoughts… then I… well… act on them," he finishes while taking another deep breath.

"And how are you acting on them?" the voice asked… it sounded shaky and unsteady.

"Well... all I have to do is think about him. Someone I can never… have." Thinking of Father Victor now, his pants stir a bit – those eyes that sparkle, especially when he smiles, the strong shoulders on a lean fit body – his pants slowly getting tighter. "He has this smile… and when he smiles, even if it is to a room of people… it captivates me. When he looks at me, it feels like he is looking… looking into me. Whenever he is around… I ugh… I get turned on. So at night, my mind will go to him… knowing how he affects me… we spend a lot of time together… and I told him I was okay with it never being anything more…" he stopped and wondered if he should go on, he had to get it all out, it was eating him alive. "I told him I was okay with how things were going… now I realize I was lying… I was okay with it at the time… but now I know I want more…" He was affected now; his cock was half hard from thinking about him. With the beads still wrapped around his hand, he uses the other to adjust his cock, knowing how wrong it is, to be where he is, and to feel how he is feeling.

"I will think of him, think of the way his… his ash blond hair covers one eye and how he brushes it back… those long thin fingers… fingers I want..." he chokes slightly, not sure if from what he was saying or the incense that seemed to only linger. He knew _his priest_ was listening and there was no turning back now. His hand is slowly rubbing the front of the ever growing tent of his pants, shoulders sagging, as he lets out a harsh breath. "His hands are amazing… the way they work… if I were an artist, I would draw those hands… I think about those hands… I think of those eyes… his ash blond hair… those aqua eyes..."

He can hear the breath slightly quicken in the next room. "Continue my son…"

"I… love running my fingers through his hair, it is so soft, and he smells so amazing… he ugh… is beautiful… inside and out."

Sighing deeply, his body relaxes as he thinks about him, his hand still on the front of his pants, his erection slowly growing, not yet fully hard though. Shifting the weight to his knees, feeling the hard wooden floor, not caring as much about the pain in his knees as the stir in his pants. "I just… I just… sit at night and think of him," he manages to whisper out.

"Thinking about someone is not a sin my son..." he heard _his priest_ say.

"I just don't think of him, I think of him touching me… I think of him, not in his robes… I think of what is under them. His lean long body. I think of those hands on me, I think of my hands on him." His hand is absently rubbing his cock again, almost fully hard. Shifting his knees more, taking the hand clutching the beads, without thinking, he undoes the top button of his pants, which are too tight. The beads knocking against him in his hand. He has thoughts in his head: this man that towers over him, completely enveloping him in his strong arms, pulling him close, devouring him.

The knocking of the beads, seeming loud in the tiny room bring him back to where he is, his pants unzipped, his hard cock straining in his briefs. The beads in his hand giving a gentle sensation over the cotton, making his body shudder. A sound escapes his lips, a low whimper – the thoughts are in his head, his fantasy. Yuuri knew with _his priest_ listening, it made it all so erotic, so wrong.

He can hear a wince in the breath that came out swiftly from the next room, the broken sound of his voice, "My son... are you okay?"

Slowly exhaling, as his breathing had become accelerated, needing to lull the images in his mind, his hand clutching his cock, the beads pressing into his shaft, "I want… I want these thoughts, I want these fantasies, I lay in bed at night… running my hands down my body… imagining they are his hands…" his hand was leisurely stroking up and down his cock, the beads pressing into him as he spoke. "I want him to touch me… I want to touch him… I know what I am thinking is wrong and sinful… but I don't care! I have these thoughts every night; I welcome them. When I think them… I… UGH!" He squeezed his cock through his briefs, the beads pressing tighter into his shaft. With his other hand pushing his briefs down, he wrapped the hand with the beads around his shaft, beginning to slowly stroke and pull at his cock, the head seeping onto his hands over the beads.

"I know I should not lust over this man… and it is not just lust… I love this man's mind… but then the lust takes over. I know… I know it''s sinful… I willfully do this… by choice… Ugh!" He is breathing hard, panting out his words, his cock oozing as he strokes from the head down of his shaft; the beads are slippery, the pressure they give his shaft is unbearable, yet pleasurable.

"My… my son… are you okay?" a winded voice replies.

"Y-yes… Father… Ugh!" His other hand had reached down, gently rolling his balls… he could not stop now, _his priest_ needed to know how he felt.

"P-please… c-continue then," the voice mumbled.

"I… I picture him… we are up on the pulpit..." While he spoke, the incense made his head dizzy, the hairs in his nose tickling, burning, as though he had forgotten where he was and who he was talking to. "He is gentle, always gentle… at first… normally starts with a kiss… it is light and chaste… I imagine he tastes… ugh… of berries and wine." His hand is pressing the beads into his cock as he strokes desperately now. Knowing this man is on the other side of the wall, hearing his sin... it is almost too much; he can feel the pressure building, the beads clanking as he rubs. He has to stop or he will never get his confession out, _his priest_ will never know how he feels if he goes too fast.

"I want to grab him… pulling him closer… to feel his body against mine" he gasps as he slips his hands under his shirt, softly moving his hand, barely brushing a nipple, feeling the peak of it under his fingers. "I lust over this man, everything… everything about him… just pulls me to him… I'm wicked… unholy…"

"Lord, inflame our hearts... and our inmost beings... with the fire of Your Holy Spirit... that we may serve You... with chaste bodies and pure minds... Through Christ our Lord. Amen…" _his priest_ replies back, he can hear the strain in his voice.

On the verge of tears, his cock weeping down his fist, the beads sticky and slick, "I know… I can't stop… I… I don't want to stop," he whispers, "I want him… I want him… to bend me over… the sacrificial table… I want him… to pour holy water… all over my body… I picture those hands… taking my pants off..." The stroking along his cock was getting more desperate at each pull, the beads clanking hard, digging harder into his shaft. "I picture him… bending me over… using those… ugh… those fingers… he spreads me before the Lord... "

Something drops in the next room, it is a loud thump and catches him off guard. Sharp intake of breath, incense filling his lungs. He stops all movement, holding still, hand around his cock, other hand on his chest. There is silence now. Pure silence.

"Blessed are the pure of heart... for they shall see God… S-sorry my son… dropped something… go on," he hears _his priest_ stammer.

"I… I… ugh..." he breathes out, eagerly grasping his cock harder, "He spreads me before the Lord… those fingers… they stroke down my spine… they seek further down… they…" He takes the beads, unravels them from his hand, and gently wraps them around his shaft; rolling them up and down, the slick liquid slowly drips out of him while he finishes the sentence: "they find my entrance…" Swiping his fingers over the head of this cock, getting the glossy fluid, he places his other hand behind him, spreading his knees across the hard floor even more, and slowly starts rubbing his anus, pushing one fingertip in, not going further. "They are gentle… those long… lean fingers… he presses them… into me," he utters, the last part barely a whisper, as his finger slowly slips inside. He starts thrusting into his hand again, the beads rolling along his hand and down his cock. "He continues to press those... fingers into me… getting me… ready for him…"

His finger, slipping in and out as he rocks back into his hand, goes deeper, driving him to spill out the rest of his confession: "I can imagine it so well… I know it is sinful… but I can never stop… what gets… gets me over the edge… is knowing how wonderful this man is… knowing how gentle he would be with me… knowing he is my undoing... he enters me… gently… laying his wooden cross on the center of back… keeping me pinned to the sacrificial table… he takes me… he claims me! In front of God, in front of the congregation… Uh.. UGH! Oh Father Nikiforov!" he moans out as he feels his balls clench up. Pulling his finger out his ass he reaches forward, pumping his cock ruthlessly, it spitting out all over his other palm. His chest heaving, breath labored, he strokes out the last of his release, the beads making his shaft overly sensitive. Holding his half hard, slowly deflated cock in his hand, he moans out one last time, the room slowly growing thick with the smell of sex and incense.

Slowly reaching for his scarf, he wipes his hand on it, rising off his knees back to the chair, his knees screaming out at him. Tucking himself back into his pants, fastening them. He touches his forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right. "Please, forgive me Father, for I have sinned… and continue to sin…"

"Pray with me my son… Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body…. My son…Your penance is five Rosaries, please continue to pray in our Lord and Savior. Blessed are those whose sins have been forgiven, whose evil deeds have been forgotten. Rejoice in the Lord, and go in peace. Pray for me, I will pray for you. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen."

"Amen. Thank you Father."

* * *

His cock was half hard – even the bible on his lap could not will it down. Letting go of the wooden cross around his neck, he placed his fingers to his forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right. Instinctively his hand went to rub his cock. It felt so blasphemous to be affected by this, to be getting hard over this, to be fighting over right and wrong. His love of God or sins of the flesh? This conflict eating at his core.

Those words he was hearing from _his Yuuri_. The latter always sat in the front pews during mass. Always looking up at him in awe with big brown eyes. At first his hair would fall into his eyes, then after a few weeks, _he_ started push brushing that hair back. _He_ always had such an innocent look to _his_ face, but _his_ eyes told another story. He had gotten know Yuuri and knew he was drawn to him due to having eyes like Silas', but after spending time with him, there was so much more. Breathing in deep, the incense burning in the back of his throat.

Trying to control his breathing – at least to not be heard, his cock was growing harder and harder. The leather-bound side of his bible pressed into the side of his length as his hand went from a gentle rubbing to a grip of harder friction, but he needed more. Absently, his hand started to clench at his cassock, slowly lifting it up, hitching the front above the waistband of his pants, slowly unbuttoning them. _He_ was driving him wild. Making him forget his sacrament. Making him forget his promise to God. Father Victor was torn over what to do, and had all but made his mind up; he was going back to Russia and he wanted Yuuri with him.

Gasping… bringing his fist to his mouth, biting down on the soft flesh of his hand, forgetting he was holding his bible in that hand – the bible falls from his grip, making a loud thump on the floor, and a sharp intake of breath as he hurriedly bends to pick up his holy book. Fingers to his forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right. Unzipping his pants, sliding down the hand that is not gripping the bible, he wraps his fingers around his erection. A silent prayer is sent to the heavens, because he knows this is _wrong_. Imagining to take _his Yuuri_ at the pulpit, bending him over the sacrificial table… his grip on his erection tightened, and he slowly pulled his hand down, imagining _him_ bent over, imagining to have his way with _his_ body.

Knuckles turn white as he grips his bible, precum glossing the head of his cock. Everything _his Yuuri_ is saying tears at him to his soul. Those words, confessional words, rip through him. There is a slight sound of moistened skin slapping next door. Taking in short shallow breaths, his nose is burning from incense. He could not moan or breathe out: he needed to keep his passion quiet, concealed. He was slowly pulling down the sensitive foreskin to his cock, feeling the dribbles on the side of his fingers as he let the slick liquid help lubricate his shaft. Thumbing his cockhead, applying the smallest amount of pressure into the slit, feeling the liquid pool over his thumb.

Yuuri said he loved him and that it was not just lust. Yuuri said he wanted more of him. Could he do this? Could he defrock and have Yuuri? Could he still keep his faith? Could Yuuri leave everything for him?

There is silence, movement can be heard, sharp intakes of breath, a wet sound with moaning, it goes straight to his cock. His hand, firmly around his engorged cock, and his cassock, pushed up the front as he gripped it hard, the head purple and leaking. _"Please, forgive me Father, for I have sinned… and continue to sin…_ " Taking slow, deep breaths, incense fills his lungs... he needs to calm his voice and breathing so he can speak; he cannot let it quiver or stutter. Not now, not with his cock in one hand, and bible in the other. He releases his cock, putting his fingers to his forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right, praying silently for God to give him strength. One more deep breath.

"Pray with me my son… Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body…. My son…your penance is five Rosaries...please continue to pray in our Lord and Savior. Blessed are those whose sins have been forgiven, whose evil deeds have been forgotten. Rejoice in the Lord, and go in peace. Pray for me, I will pray for you. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen."

" _Amen. Thank you Father._ "

He can hear _his Yuuri_ moving around the room, then the door clicking as _his Yuuri_ leaves. Letting out a low moan, tilting his head back, resting it on the thick wood on the wall, swallowing hard. His cock is heavy against his lower abdomen, throbbing. He cannot, not in there, not in his confessional. Setting his bible down next to him, ignoring the call his cock is giving him, he tucks it back into the plain white boxers, struggling to button his pants before lowering his cassock. His palms, sweaty, he rubs down the fabric in attempt to wipe the moisture off. He takes another deep breath, almost coughing from the incense that is now choking him, or at least that is what he tells himself. Slowly he drags up his fingers to his forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right.

He tentatively grabs his bible again as he stands up, afraid it will burn the flesh on his hand, and is relieved when it does not. Staring at the brass knob on the door, he shakes his hand he goes to open it. The moisture on his palm is still there, marking the brass as he twists it, forcing him to twist a bit more so it will click open.

He still felt the fullness between his legs, the burning of need, and the want of such sin. He breathed in slowly and carefully, the scent of the incense not as harsh stepping through the archway into the main area of the church. High ceilings arched to the heavens, supported by strong wooden beams of a natural wood; soft lights scattered as sunlight came beaming through the stained glass; and candles, lined off to the corner, shone dimly, only a few lit, as the silence hung. A silence that wanted to choke him as the incense had.

He stood in the doorway, looking towards the front of the church, watching _his Yuuri_ kneeling, eyes closed, head down, mouth moving, beads dangling between _his_ fingers. Fingers that were just dancing along the sinful flesh, fingers that he so badly wanted to take–softly suck on. Fingers gently and most carefully twirling a bead, then moving to another, ten beads in a row, five in a loop— _Our Father, Who art in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy name…_

Not knowing how long he stood there, in that archway, staring at _him_ , watching _him_ pray, feeling the need in him never dying down. _Thy Kingdom come… Thy will be done_... The fires of hell were racing to his groin. Knowing if he stood there another moment, he would commit a sacrilege right there, in the archway. Willing his feet to move, he quietly went to the sacristy through the side doorway, slipping out. He found himself in a hallway, taking a deep breath, one not filled with incense, hoping to calm his racing sinful mind. _On Earth as it is in Heaven_ …

Fingers went to his forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right. Sweat laced his brow and the nape of his neck. _Give us this day our daily bread…_ He leaned against the door, his chest heaving; the air was clean, but it was still hard to breathe, the weight between his legs drowning him. _And forgive us our trespasses…_ Tears welled into the corners of his eyes, _as we forgive those who trespass against us…_

"Lead me NOT INTO TEMPTATION BUT DELIVER ME FROM EVIL!" he all but yells out, falling to his knees in front of his desk. Setting the weight of his bible onto the wooden table top, clutching his hands to his chest. _For thine is the kingdom, the power the glory, forever and ever…_

A cry escapes his mouth, his hands clenching, praying, as the weight between his legs gets worse. Everything in his being was calling him to go back there, to take _his Yuuri_ and sin. Fighting between the power of faith, and the power of lust, the latter won.

His need flooding any rational thought in his mind. Unbuttoning his pants again, he pulled out his heavy, throbbing cock, crying out as his fingers wrapped around it. It did not take much, he thought of _his Yuuri_ and in a few quick pulls, it was all over. His sin littered on the floor and his hand.

Resting his arm on his desk, against his bible, his head rested on his arms, looking at his shame on the floor. Deep breath in, slow breath out. Feeling the fire sedated within him, the bliss flooding his mind, and his shame still in his hand. "Dear Lord… forgive me, for I have sinned, and I will continue to sin…" a small cry escaping his throat.

 ** _This is the altered confession... I changed the original Confession and Father Nikiforov and made them together in a chapter to fit the story!_**


	13. Chapter 13

Yuuri was back at home in a panic. What the hell had he just done? Did he really do that? Yuuri was pacing back and forth in his apartment not knowing what to do. He needed to talk to someone and he knew he could not go to the man he just shamelessly acted in front of _(well sort of)_. He sent a message to Phichit seeing if he wanted to go get drinks and got a reply almost immediately that he did.

They met at one close by, walking distance, as Yuuri knew he was going to need alcohol and a lot of it to get through his conversation. Yuuri ordered a pitcher of beer and shots. Phichit was giving him strange looks and Yuuri just held the shot glass up. They each did two shots and ordered some food.

"Yuuri, what is up with you?" Phichit seemed concerned. He should have been, Yuuri was acting strange. His hands were shaking, he was stammering when he spoke, his eyes were wide as if he was in a constant state of surprise.

"I am not drunk enough… let me… let me get more shots…" Yuuri waved the server and got more shots sent over.

Yuuri yelped when his phone chimed, he felt foolish and almost wished it was Victor texting him, but he knew it wasn't so he did not bother to check his phone.

"Yuuri! I am seriously getting concerned. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm in love with Father Victor!" Yuuri clamped both his hands over his mouth and his eyes were wide. Phichit just sat there with his mouth wide open as well as his eyes.

Phichit picked his glass of beer up and drank it all down. He did not say anything though and he just looked at Yuuri.

There was silence for longer than Yuuri wanted. "Phichit… say something… anything."

"Wow."

"Okay… a little more than that. "

"I need a shot." Phichit was still trying to comprehend everything.

"Seriously Phichit… I am dying right now and don't know what to do…"

"I feel like an ass… I said the other week…"

"Phichit stop… listen… Let me explain everything… but you have to swear to me… you won't repeat anything!"

Yuuri began to explain things, from the beginning all the way up to that morning in the confessional booth. He watched Phichit with wide eyes.

"Wow Yuuri… um… I don't know what to say… I think we need to drink more though…"

The two actually drank a lot and Yuuri heard his phone chime again. He was feeling the effects of the alcohol and Phichit was laughing alongside of him.

"Phichit… how screwed am I?"

"Dude… you are way screwed… I mean… Yeah, the man is gorgeous Yuuri…."

"No Phichit… he is beautiful… like… if the sun needed a reason to shine… he would be the reason!"

"Yuuri! That… was really sappy… and terrible… We need more beer." Phichit went to stand and started to sway immediately. "Whoa… Okay maybe not… how about some water?"

"Yes… water. Maybe some more food?" Yuuri was slurring terribly and knew they had drank too much. He was holding the table to keep up right when the server dropped off two glasses of water and some dinner rolls for them.

"So um… Yuuri… what are you going to do? I mean..." Phichit started to giggle and drink more of his water, "I cannot believe you did that Yuuri… I mean… in the confessional booth!?"

Yuuri dropped his head to the table, banging it softly and groaning. "I know… I know… he probably will never want to speak me again! Ugh... Why was I so stupid Phichit?"

Phichit started laughing again. "I don't mean to laugh, but damn Yuuri… I mean…." Phichit leaned over and whispered loudly in Yuuri's ear, "A priest?"

Yuuri heard another chime from his phone in his pocket.

"Yuuri that is like the fifth time your phone has gone off now… Why don't you check it?"

Yuuri went to get his phone out of his pocket and almost dropped it. "I don't like being drunk with my phone… I do stupid things…"

"Stupider than what… you did earlier in the confessional booth?"

"Shut up!"

When Yuuri got his phone out, he had messages from Victor. Phichit leaned over and his eyes got big. Yuuri opened the messages.

"He wants to talk…" his eyes got big as he tried to text back. "Ugh! My fingers aren't working… hang on… I'll just tell him I'm drunk… and I love him."

Phichit laughed, "Yes! That is what you should definitely do!"

The two worked together to get the text over to his priest as they sat there laughing. As soon as he sent the message another came in asking where he was. Phichit took the phone and typed out the name of the place they were at then gave the phone back to Yuuri.

"Okay we drank our water… let's get more shots!" Phichit yelled.

Yuuri nodded and leaned against the wall he was sitting next too. His drunken mind going to his priest. Yuuri smiled and waited for more shots to arrive.

* * *

Father Victor had been texting Yuuri as he really needed to talk to him. He had wanted to run out into the church, grab Yuuri's hand and drag him out of this town immediately, but he knew he had to be reasonable. Instead he went home and tried to dull his mind with boring TV programs, but his mind kept falling back to the confessional from earlier that day. Father Victor closed his eyes and rubbed them hard with his palms. He knew Yuuri was always quick at answering his texts, so this was odd. It had been two hours since he texted him and got no answer.

He went into the kitchen and made some tea and went back to the couch. All he wanted right now was for Yuuri to talk to him. Father Victor was hoping Yuuri was not avoiding him after what had happened earlier in the confessional. He almost had to laugh – Yuuri sure did know how to surprise him.

He heard his phone chime and it was from Yuuri. Father Victor's eyes went wide as he stared at the phone. Something about being drunk and loving him. Father Victor shook his head and texting back trying to figure out where he was. Another text came in with where he was.

Grabbing his coat, he buttoned it up all the way and headed out. As he drove the short distance to the pub, his thoughts kept going back to the confessional from earlier. He did not want to think too much about it as it would affect him every time it came to his mind.

When Father Victor walked into the pub, he saw Yuuri and his friend leaning on one another as they were laughing. There was half empty beers in front of them and he saw Yuuri look up and squint. Once he realized he was him, his eyes went big and he started to tug on his friend and whisper loudly to him. As he approached the table he saw Yuuri's friend look him up and down and giggle.

"Yuuri, let me take you both home." Father Victor smiled down at them.

"Vitya! HELLO!" Yuuri said really loudly. "Ah we can walk… can't we Phichit? Oh Phichit… this is my Vitya… Vitya… this is Phichit." Yuuri slumped over and was leaning on Phichit as Phichit kept giggling.

"Yuuri might have drank more than I did…" Phichit slurred out.

Father Victor nodded and helped Phichit stand up. "Can you walk Phichit? I might have to help Yuuri here." Phichit nodded and swayed a bit, but was steady enough. "Okay good. Let me go close out your tab."

"Here…" Phichit handed him some cash and Father Victor went up to the bar and closed them out, tipping the server generously. Walking back to the table he saw Yuuri staring at him with a huge grin on his face. He helped Yuuri stand up and then wrapped his arm around his waist, all but holding him up. Once they got to the car, he carefully put Yuuri in and buckled him up. Yuuri was smiling at him and trying to kiss his neck.

"Yuuri." He gave him a warning tone.

"Fine… Fine… But Phichit knows I love you…" How is it Yuuri can blush just as easily when he was drunk?

When Father Victor looked in the back seat, Phichit was smiling and giving him a thumbs up. "Yeah I do!" Phichit went on giggling and all but fell over in the seat.

"Phichit… buckle up. Where do you live?" Father Victor was shaking his head.

Phichit led him the short drive to his house and then Father Victor was taking Yuuri home. Yuuri was leaned back on the seat staring at him.

"You're so beautiful Vitya." Yuuri had reached out touching the side of his face. Father Victor made it to the driveway and went around to help Yuuri out the car.

"Give me your keys Yuuri, so I can get the door." Once he got in he sat Yuuri down on his couch and went to get him some water. He realized he had never been at Yuuri's place. Back in the living room he sat down next to Yuuri and gave him the water.

"Yuuri, drink this, then you need to sleep this off."

Yuuri took the glass to drink it, but was swaying even as he was sitting there. Victor sat next to Yuuri on the couch and made sure he drank the water.

"Yuuri, what got into you?" he asked as he brushed Yuuri's hair out of his face. He could see Yuuri look over at him, his eyes half-closed.

"I needed… well… I talked with Phichit…" Yuuri was staring at him, "Your eyes are so pretty Vitya…"

"Yuuri, stay on track here baby." Victor took Yuuri's glass he had drank the water out of and set on the table. "Why didn't you talk to me Yuuri?"

Yuuri's eyes went wide, "Because… Vitya… I mean… what I did…" he stopped talking and sat back on the couch closing his eyes.

Victor sighed knowing it was no use talking to Yuuri when he was this drunk. "Can I at least get you back to your bed?" He went to hook his arm under Yuuri's waist and help him up when he felt Yuuri's arm wrapped around his shoulders. Yuuri's body was laying almost limp against him and he was afraid Yuuri had passed out for a moment till he felt the lips along the side of his neck.

"Yuuri…." Victor moaned out. He could not allow this to happen while Yuuri was drunk.

"Oh come on Vitya…" Yuuri mumbled into his neck. "Let me kiss you, you never kiss me… I want a real kiss… I want to taste you."

Victor could feel everything melting inside of him, but he knew with Yuuri drunk he could not do anything- even if he wanted too. His resolve was shattering, but he knew morally, with Yuuri like this, it was wrong.

"Yuuri, you are drunk, let me take you to bed." Victor whispered out.

"Oh Vitya… you can always take me to bed." Yuuri started giggling and hid his face in Victor's neck. Victor rubbed down his back and they stood there for a moment. "I wish you would take me to bed Vitya… and stay with me…"

Victor sighed deeply and started to help Yuuri back to his room. "Yuuri, you are drunk."

"But Vitya… I love you…." Yuuri protested .

Victor shaking his head, "Come on, bed."

Once he sat Yuuri on his bed, Yuuri began giggling again. "Vitya… I can't sleep in my clothes." And he saw Yuuri tug at his shirt as he tried to get it off but got stuck. Victor had to chuckle a bit as he watched, seeing if Yuuri could get out of the tangle of the shirt he was trapped in, plus he really did enjoy watching Yuuri's body wiggle as he struggled with the shirt. Victor also realized it was starting to affect him in other ways and finally took pity on Yuuri and helped slipped the shirt off. Yuuri's hair was wild all over his head and his glasses askew. Victor slipped the glasses off his face and laid them on the nightstand next to his bed. He noticed Yuuri kept his rosary beads there and smiled. Victor felt Yuuri take his wrist and try to pull him into the bed with him.

"Yuuri, you need to go to bed."

"Join me Vitya."

"Yuuri, not while you are drunk."

Victor stood at the side of the bed as Yuuri started to lay down and he saw Yuuri messing with his pants and trying to undo them. "I can't sleep in these Vitya."

"Yuuri…. You are doing this on purpose!"

Yuuri grinned, "Maybe I am… maybe I'm not!" he continued to giggle.

Victor went to leave Yuuri's room when he heard Yuuri yell for him. "Vitya!"

Keeping his back turned as he knew Yuuri was drunk and teasing, "Yes Yuuri."

He could hear Yuuri unzipping his jeans and he knew it was best to keep his back to him.

"Turn around Vitya. You are so beautiful, I want to see you…"

"Yuuri, you need to go to sleep…" _and I need to go home and pray._

He heard Yuuri groan. "Vitya… don't leave me… please."

Victor stayed in the doorway but slowly turned around. Yuuri was in the process of pushing his jeans down and they were at his ankles. He was trying to sit up and take them off. Victor had to chuckle as Yuuri was stumbling even as he was on the bed.

It was so hard for Victor to just stand there and watch, but he knew Yuuri was way too drunk and out of his mind. As he watched him take mostly all of his clothes off, he did help get him under his blankets and kissed his forehead. As he backed out of the room, Yuuri was already snoring softly, he stopped and stood in the doorway for a long time staring at him. "I love you too Yuuri."

Victor found his way home and sat back down on his couch. Shaking his head, he could feel how he was still half hard over imaging Yuuri laid out, his boxer briefs clinging to his thighs as he wiggled his jeans off. The image of his body twisting as he was stuck in his shirt. Victor moaned and his hand slid down his torso. He was picturing what it would feel like to have that body on top of him, squirming and moaning. What it would feel like as Yuuri pressed his weight into him.

Victor's hand slid lower and he undid his jeans, sliding them down his hips, freeing his cock. Breathing hard he could not take it anymore. Yuuri was his undoing. As much as he wanted to talk to him about everything, right now he knew he could not. Yuuri talking about loving him, all those words in the confessional earlier today, drunkenly leaning against him, taking his clothes off…

The minute his hand grabbed his cock, he was aching hard. The words Yuri had said in the confessional, echoing in his mind as he slowly pulled his cock, twisting his wrist at the top then pulling back down. He could imagine everything Yuuri had told him earlier that day- bending Yuuri over, sliding his fingers inside Yuuri, spreading him open.

Victor moaned and pulled harder on his cock. He could feel the flush covering his body as his breathing got harder. He could feel how much he was leaking as he thought more and more of _his Yuuri_. Breathing harder now, he rolls his thumb over the tip, closing his eyes, imaging his hand was Yuuri's hand, giving into the sinful throes of lust. It had been so long since he has felt the touch of another, and it did not take him long to start his release.

Pumping his fist harder, crying out Yuuri's name, he spills all down his hand and lower abdomen. As he sits on his couch, his half deflated cock in his hand, he looks at his pants bunched at his knees, his rosary peeking out the front pocket.

* * *

Finally moving around, Yuuri groaned as he was making his coffee. He had called out for work, as did Phichit and Phichit called to say he was coming over with bagels and to get coffee ready. Yuuri's head was pounding as he made the coffee and waited for Phichit to arrive. He groaned as his head was killing him but he knew having a coffee and bagel would help.

He heard a soft tap on his door and opened to see Phichit standing there with a bag of bagels. He saw Phichit try to smile but he knew he was hungover like he was.

"Come on in. I made coffee."

Phichit came through and started toasting the bagels. Neither spoke much as Yuuri got them coffee and they sat at the small kitchen table he had.

"Phichit… what the hell happened last night?"

"Yuuri…" Phichit chuckled a bit, "You're in love with a priest."

Yuuri groaned and laid his head in his arms on the table. "Okay, so all that last night did actually happen…"

"Yeah, it did. He came and got us and you told him you loved him."

Yuuri continued to groan, not over the pain in his head but for a different reason. "Phichit… what am I gonna do?"

"I don't even know. I mean… I know you said it was complicated… but damn Yuuri." Phichit was sipping his coffee and nibbling his bagel. "Why don't you eat that bagel and not let it get cold though."

Yuuri sat up and grabbed a piece of his bagel. They could hear Yuuri's phone chime and they both stared at one another. Yuuri got up and got his phone off the counter and looked over at Phichit.

"It's Victor… he wants to talk."

"Well… I think you need to talk to him."

Sitting back down, Yuuri sipped his coffee and stared at Phichit, "What the hell do I even say? Oh Victor… Sorry about jerking off in the confessional as I thought about you? Sorry I got wasted and told you I loved you? I have messed this all up!" Yuuri was banging his head on the table softly again.

"Well I mean, why do you have to apologize for it?"

"Phichit! Who does that?"

"Well… You do, Yuuri." Phichit said matter of factually.

"Dammit Phichit!"

Phichit got to laughing and went to refill his coffee. "Okay Yuuri… in all seriousness, for one, you are in love with your priest… and from the looks of it, he loves you too. I mean he did come get our drunks asses last night. How long has this been going on now? Have you two done… well anything?"

"No… it wasn't suppose to be like this… it started as a crush, but then I got to know him. It was always innocent flirting, little touches… ugh! Over the last few months it has been hugs and cuddling, I mean, I haven't even kissed the man."

"But you'll jerk off in his confessional?" Phichit said with a laugh.

Yuuri threw his half of a bagel at him, "Dammit! Can we forget that for just a minute please? I feel like such an ass for that… I'm ashamed."

"Ah shit Yuuri, look, I'm sorry… But think of it this way, okay? If he was upset over it all, would he have come last night and gotten you?"

Yuuri sat back up and looked at Phichit. "You're right! If he was upset or disgusted by what I did… he would not have come out! Phichit! You are a genius!" Yuuri leaped up and hugged his friend. Stepping back he got his phone again to text Victor. "I'm asking when he wants to talk…" Yuuri could feel his hands shaking as he hit the send button.

Almost immediately a text reply came back. Phichit raised an eyebrow.

"He wants to do dinner… tonight." Yuuri's eyes went wide.

"Okay… let's work out what you are going to say then… and this time you are to stay sober."

"Agreed. Now help me with this, okay?" Phichit nodded and they sat finishing breakfast going over what Yuuri should say.


	14. Chapter 14

Victor had wanted him to come over for dinner. Yuuri had sent Phichit home around lunch time and now he paced in his living room. They had gone over everything Yuuri should say to Victor, and how he should say it. Yuuri had gone through his closet as he wanted to look nice for this evening but he could not find anything he wanted to wear, so he just stuck to his simple button down and pants. He knew he spent way too long doing his hair, but he wanted it brushed back and off his forehead.

He was startled when the phone rang and saw it was his mother. He only picked up as he thought she was going to ask him to dinner and had not talked to her yet today. If he had known she was going to yell at him for being drunk at a bar, he would have let it go to voicemail.

"Seriously Yuuri? I had to hear that our priest had to come get you and your friend last night." The tone his mother used made him feel like a child again.

"Mom, we just went out to unwind and lost track of what we drank," he mumbled into the phone.

"Well you are lucky Father Victor got you home. I heard you were so drunk you could not stand. Do I need to worry about this Yuuri? Do you have a drinking problem?"

Yuuri groaned and sat there as his mother went on and on about the dangers of excessive drinking. He zoned out till he finally heard her tone change and was able to end the call.

Looking at the time again, it was moving too slow, yet almost too fast at the same time. Yuuri longed to see his priest and talk to him, but he was also scared his priest would give him the same lecture his mother just did.

He knew he should not be nervous or anxious, because if Victor had been truly mad at him, he would not have come gotten him at the bar or continued to text him. Yuuri felt ashamed and embarrassed, but Phichit had told him he just needed to go face it and get it over with. With one last look in the mirror, Yuuri deemed himself ready and headed out to his priest's house.

His palms were sweaty when he pulled in behind the church. Once parked he rubbed them down his pants trying to calm himself. He could feel the nervous ball of anxiousness growing in the pit of his stomach. As he sat in the car he breathed in deeply and willed himself out to start the walk to his priest's home. It was times like this, he wished the walk was longer. He was at the door and as he knocked, he thought he was going to throw up when he heard the door knob turn. Gulping a last breath of air, he waited as Victor opened the door. He was greeted by Victor's warm smile as he looked up to him.

Relief flowed through him as he saw there was nothing hard or judging in those aqua eyes. Yuuri had been so scared and realized now it was all for nothing as he could see Victor was happy to see him. Yuuri returned the smile and saw Victor open his arms. Yuuri ran into those arms and started chanting he was sorry over and over. He forgot everything he went over with Phichit on how there was no need to apologize.

Victor squeezed him tighter and just held him.

"Yuuri, why are you sorry?" he heard Victor say into his ear softly.

"For everything yesterday." Yuuri was hiding his face in the shirt Victor was wearing and he noticed it was a plain shirt and not his clergy shirt. He was wearing no collar today. Holding his breath he grabbed the back of the shirt and held on tighter. He could feel Victor's hand as it ran up and down his back, and just cherished this moment. Sighing deeply, Yuuri was at ease again.

"Yuuri, I do want to talk to you about that, but you don't need to apologize, okay?"

Yuuri pulled back; he knew his cheeks were red, but he had to see Victor's eyes to know that he meant what he was saying. Yuuri nodded and they slowly untangled from the embrace and walked to the kitchen.

He could smell that Victor was heating up another casserole and had to smile. Victor had made a salad and was getting out wine. Yuuri felt his stomach turn at the sight of it, still not over last night's binge.

"I think I will hold off on the wine," he timidly said. He heard Victor chuckle back.

* * *

He really needed to talk and see Yuuri. But he needed a sober Yuuri. He knew Yuuri would not want wine, and he would not drink much himself – he offered anyway. He almost had to chuckle at how Yuuri turned a little green at the offer. He grabbed his glass and took Yuuri's hand, leading him to the living room.

"Still some time before dinner is ready. I think we need to talk." He kept a watch on Yuuri's face, and as those cheeks went red he chuckled. "Yuuri, what happened?"

Yuuri would not look him in the eye. He kept shifting his gaze around. Victor continued to stare at him, he wanted to see if Yuuri would meet his eyes and he didn't.

"Yuuri?"

Those eyes looked at him for a moment. He saw the water gathered in them and his heart shattered. He was doing this to _his Yuuri_. He needed to talk to Yuuri and ease his mind. He watched Yuuri's eyes shift again as a tear trailed down his cheek. He did not know how to say it properly without just blurting it out, but he had to stop the torment Yuuri was going through. He could feel his own heart, along with Yuuri's shatter. He knew Yuuri had a heart of glass, and he sat there and watched it shatter right in front of him. He needed to fix this, and he needed to fix it now.

"Yuuri, I am going to leave the church."

Yuri snapped his head back to him. Now both eyes leaked tears down his cheeks.

"I would never… ask you to…" Yuuri choked and started to sob.

Victor pulled Yuuri to him and hugged him tightly. "I know you wouldn't. Which is exactly why I am doing it. You would never ask me; you would suffer and I would suffer."

He could feel Yuuri's body shake against him and he ran his hands down Yuuri's back. "Yuuri, baby, calm down."

"I feel like… this is all my… fault," Yuuri choked out.

He had to laugh. "Yuuri, yes it is."

Yuuri was startled and he pulled back to look at him. Victor could not help but laugh and rub his thumb over tear-streaked cheeks.

"Yuuri, I will admit that if I never had met you, I would not be leaving the church, this is the truth. But also know, in meeting you, you are giving me everything I could ever need. I can have life and love with you. These last months have been wonderful for me, and I want more months like this. I want to be with you. So yes Yuuri, this is partly your fault, but don't take it negatively, okay? You have shown me life and love." He cupped the side of Yuuri's face and felt how Yuuri leaned into it, "Yuuri, I love you."

Yuuri leaped into Victor and hugged him tightly. "Victor… I thought I had messed up everything, I mean…" he started crying again.

Victor laughed, "Yes Yuuri, I still want an explanation by the way, you are not off the hook."

Yuuri pulled back and averted his eyes. "I guess… well I can't explain yesterday in the… confessional. I mean… yeah I went to… confess, but once I heard your voice… I don't know, I snapped." Yuuri's face was beet red and Victor thought it was adorable. "Of course once I started, well… I just couldn't stop."

"And last night?"

Yuuri groaned and sat back on the couch, "I was ashamed okay? I felt stupid and I needed to talk to someone… someone who was not you. I am sorry, but it just got out of hand… quickly. I didn't mean to drink so much."

Victor chuckled and brushed the hair off Yuuri's forehead, "I understand that, but know you can always talk to me… and not through a confessional," he winked and watched Yuuri's face turn red again. "Come on, let's go have dinner."

After dinner they went to the living room. As they settled in, Victor could not help but feel content. He felt like the pieces of his life had finally fallen into place. He still needed to go through the talk with the Bishop about leaving the church. He had not decided when yet, but he knew he could not continue being a priest while his heart was with Yuuri. It was wrong and he knew the more he was around him, the more his resolve faltered.

He debated not seeing Yuuri till he actually went through leaving the church officially. He had reached out to Father Feltsman who would allow him to still come to church once he moved back to Russia. He did not have a real job there, but once his mother's inheritance was settled, he would not need much, as she had left everything to him.

He needed to talk with Yuuri about going to Russia. Would he be willing to go? They both knew they could not stay in this town, but he would be taking Yuuri away from his family and his life. Yuuri did not even know Russian. He had so many questions and what ifs but he knew as long as he had Yuuri by his side, everything would be okay. He did not know how it would work, but he could see the end picture, and it involved being with Yuuri.

"So Yuuri," he watched as Yuuri's turned his way, "I think we need to talk about all of this. There will probably be some backlash here in town. From your family and friends."

Yuuri just sat there staring at his hands. Victor could see Yuuri was picking at his cuticles again, he did this when he was anxious and he did not want him to feel anxious over this. He took Yuuri's hands into his and kissed his fingers.

"None of that Yuuri, I need you to know everything, okay? I need to also… explain more to you." Victor decided it was time Yuuri knew about Silas and just _why_ he had chosen this path. If they were going to do this, he needed to be fully honest with Yuuri.

He continued to hold Yuuri's hand as he went through that terrible night. He explained how reckless he was, how he lost his lover, the lover he thought was the love of his life. He explained the coma, he explained his vision, he explained his lover meeting him.

"I promised Silas I would lead a good and happy life. At the time I didn't know what all of this meant. I came across his rosary," Victor pulled the rosary out of his jeans pocket and watched as Yuuri stared at it, then watched as Yuuri started to touch the rosary. He could see Yuuri's hands shaking as he held onto the beads and Victor let him hold the rosary as he continued. "Silas would do a rosary every night before bed. I always sat back, reading or something, and when he was done, he would set it on the nightstand before coming to bed. After the accident, I found his rosary and tried to remember the prayers… and I couldn't. I found my mother's bible and started to read it, she found me the next morning. I dove into church. I didn't know what to do with myself. Silas and I were always partying, we were always doing what we shouldn't have been doing. I realized that with Silas, it was not necessarily love I had with him, but life. Sure I loved him in a way, but now… meeting you… well it is different. And now I see what Silas was trying to tell me. He wanted me to have life and love. He wanted me to be happy and not blame myself."

Victor had to stop and take a deep breath. He could hear his heart slamming in chest and his palms felt itchy. When he looked over at Yuuri, he watched as Yuuri clutched Silas' rosary and tears were in his eyes.

"Yuuri, with you, you give me both. I know we have love and I want a life with you. It was my mother's dying wish for me to have both. I have both with you. It might have taken me many years, and a different road, but I found it." He had to stop again. His hands shook and he wanted some sort of reaction from Yuuri. Yuuri had been so silent and he almost sighed in relief when Yuuri started to talk.

"How? Victor, how are we going to do this?" Yuuri was still looking down, holding Silas' rosary.

Victor wanted to cry at that moment. Yuuri had said _we_. Yuuri was in this with him.

"Well first, I need to go through laicization… it is not a fast process... " Victor could feel a tightness in his chest as he spoke the words out loud, he knew with Yuuri at his side he could do this. "I meet with the Bishop in a week… but Yuuri, this is a year long process… and..." he could not continue, he knew what was in store for him, and he knew it would be hard.

Yuuri reached over and took his hand, Silas' rosary between their palms. "Victor, we can do this."

Victor rubbed his thumb over the rosary beads and Yuuri's hand. That was what he needed to hear. He needed to know Yuuri would be there for him when this was all done. He knew having Yuuri as his end game was worth all the fires of hell he could face. As scared as Victor was, the feel of Yuuri's hands in his, gave him all the strength he needed.

"Yes Yuuri, _we_ can."

* * *

Yuuri had listen to Victor's story. He knew Victor had a past, he knew it was a painful one, but he had never pressed further. He knew Victor would tell him when the time was right. Holding Silas' rosary felt right at that moment. He could see Victor's eyes light up when he did. So much had been said tonight between the both of them.

In the depth of his heart, his wish was Victor was not a priest and they could be together. When Victor said he was leaving the church, Yuuri swore everything in his body stopped. He knew he forgot how to breath properly. He felt so many emotions at one time and for the longest time he had to sit there and just think it all through.

Victor was really going to do this. He was going to leave the church and be with him. He knew as much as he wished it, he would never ask for it. He knew if he had ever asked he would never be able to live with himself. He would feel he had forced Victor into this. That was not what he wanted from Victor.

Yes he feels he messed up in the confessional, but he also knew if Victor only hugged him for the rest of his life, he would be content – at least that was what he kept telling himself over and over again. He could tell himself everything he wanted too, but when face to face with Victor, it was different. It was like his body would start singing and his mind would race.

He knew what Victor was about to do was a huge deal. It was not a short process but he knew it would all be worth it. He knew he would be there for Victor however he was needed. He was not sure what they would do once this process was done.

"Victor… but what… what will we do, you know, afterwards?" Yuuri was puzzled. They had the near future planned out, but that was it.

"Well I did want to bring that up to you. I will have mother's house, and I know it will be some time before I go back to work, or even see what I can do outside of the church… I also know once I do this, staying in this town is not an option for me."

Yuuri watched as Victor was looking unsure about what he was saying and seemed he wanted to say more. Yuuri had an idea where this was all going and squeezed Victor's hand. When those aqua eyes met his, Yuuri smiled, he wanted to give Victor reassurance.

"Victor, wherever you go, I'll go." Yuuri did not even have to think twice about it. It was already there for him. He knew he would be leaving absolutely everything behind, he knew everything would be completely different, but he knew he would be with Victor. In the months he had known this man, he knew wherever Victor led him, he would follow.

"Even if it means leaving everything you know behind?" he could see the question in Victor's eyes.

"Victor, it is not everything if you aren't there." Yuuri made sure he kept his eyes locked with Victor's when he said this. He wanted Victor to know he was serious about this, he was serious about them.

Yuuri saw Victor relaxed. He watched Victor's shoulders that were so tense loosen and his body relax. Yuuri smiled and leaned in to wrap his arms around Victor. If nothing else, he had this. He could feel those strong arms wrap around him and hold him tightly. Yuuri knew he could always do this, even if the stirring in his body told him otherwise.

"Victor, how long have you been thinking this?" he was worried he pushed Victor too far yesterday.

"I had been thinking it for some time now Yuuri, from the moment I got to know you it has gone through my mind. It was not until I went back home and talked with Mother and Father Feltsman that I realized my mind was already made; they just had to show me." Yuuri could feel those arms tighten around him and he felt at home.

It was getting late, and they had been talking for hours. Yuuri always hated this part the most. As much as he wanted to stay with Victor, wake up next to him, he knew right now he could not. Every time he had to leave Victor, it tore him. He could tell Victor felt the same way, as they always dragged out these parts – they hated saying goodbye.

"It won't always be like this, love. As much as I don't want to wish my life away, I wish this was already over and I was officially with you."

They were standing near the front door and Yuuri was shifting on his feet. He hated how he always went home alone. He felt a hand under his chin, tilting his face up. When he looked, those aqua eyes were fixed on him. Yuuri felt the blush spread across his cheeks as Victor stared at him intensely. Yuuri momentarily forgot how to breathe, forgot any thought in his mind. Right now all that mattered was the man before him, staring down at him.

He finally remembered how to breathe and noticed his breath come in harder. The hand on his chin almost burned his skin. Victor had stepped forward, closing any space they had between them, and raised his other hand so both were on each side of Yuuri's face. Yuuri knew Victor could feel how hot his face was.

He watched as Victor leaned in towards him and as he got closer, he closed his eyes and held his breath. It was not long after that he felt the soft brush of Victor's lips on his. It felt like someone had struck him with lightning at that very moment. His arms instinctively went around Victor's waist as he pressed his lips onto Victor's.

It was exactly like he had always imagined it. Victor was firm, yet still gentle. His lips were warm and so, so soft. Yuuri felt how their mouths were a perfect match and fit beautifully together. He almost moaned out until he felt the lips move slightly against his and he pulled Victor harder to him.

If you had asked Yuuri how long the kiss was, he would have told you it lasted forever, yet not nearly long enough. Yuuri badly wanted to open his mouth and taste Victor, but would not press until he knew Victor was ready. As he felt the pressure of Victor's lip loosen up, he felt a warm moist tongue lick lightly at his bottom lip before it was gone completely.

Victor pressed his forehead to Yuuri's while they both panted, eyes glinting in emotion.

"Goodnight, _my Yuuri_ ," Victor said before stepping back, hand now on the door knob.

Yuuri was beaming and swore he floated home that night.


	15. Chapter 15

_Yuuri remembered as a kid how his parents once took him to a carnival when it came to town. He remembers the taste of the cotton candy, the smell of the farm animals, the bright lights and loud games. It was the best day he could remember as a kid._

 _Towards the end of the day, his father had gotten him a red balloon. He did not want it tied to his wrist. He wanted to hold the string. The balloon was perfect. The best color of red he had ever seen in his few years. He skipped, holding his balloon in one hand, ice cream in the other. He could feel how the ice cream dripped onto his hand and he would giggle as he licked it off._

 _At this very young age, he knew life did not get any better. They had watched the small circus: he laughed at the clowns, was amazed by the elephant they had, and the show was the best he had ever seen. He allowed his father to hold his balloon when they went on the Ferris Wheel. He remembered as he looked out over the carnival seeing his little town spread out before him, as his mother held onto the back of his pants because he would lean too far over the railing to look._

 _He laughed a lot that day. He skipped through crowds of people. Nothing was going to ruin his mood. He gripped his balloon and pushed through the crowds , ready for the next show. When he turned around , he could not find his parents. Immediately his perfect day crumbled. He let go of his perfect red balloon and cried. At a young age, this was the most devastated he ever felt. What felt like years to a child, was only a few minutes, then strong arms were around him and comforted him... so he cried over the loss of his perfect balloon._

Yuuri woke up with a smile on his face and a pep in his step. He found he smiled himself smiling and hummed humming all through breakfast. He did not even mind that he had to go to work. He smiled and said good morning as his co workers walked by his desk, not thinking about how it probably confused his co workers; he did not care. He was on cloud nine.

Midway through his morning, he got a text from Victor, asking if he wanted to do dinner again. Yuuri smiled and immediately responded with a yes. He almost wanted to giggle like a schoolgirl as he sat at his desk.

His mother had called and invited him over for dinner, and he declined, saying he already had plans, and she did not pressure anything, and just asked when they would see him again. He knew that right now he only had a limited time with Victor till he went through his laicization, so he planned to spend every minute he could with him.

Lunchtime came around and he was outside with Phichit. Phichit could tell there was something different about Yuuri. Yuuri never really smiled or not complain about work.

"So I take it the talk with your priest went well then?"

Yuuri grinned. _Went well_ was an understatement. "Yes, it did go very well."

"Dude, your are smiling so cheesy right now. Did you get laid or something?"

Yuuri smiled and sighed happily, "No… even better…"

"Um…. what is better than getting laid?"

Yuuri closed his eyes, and ran his finger over his lips, he remembering how it felt to have Victor's warm lips against his. "He kissed me Phichit."

"Yuuri… You got it bad."

"I know." Yuuri kept his eyes closed, and just remembered. His head stayed in the clouds all through lunch and Phichit continued to tease him over it. He did not care. He was happier at that moment than he had ever been.

His day did not pass by fast, though it did not pass by slow. He was excited to see Victor tonight, though he was excited to see him every night.

He always parked in the back of the church, behind the tree line, this way his car was never noticeable from the church unless you were actually at Victor's cottage. He almost wanted to run to the cottage, and indeed he did walk fast. Butterflies danced in his stomach the entire walk up to the cottage. He did not even get a chance to knock as Victor had opened the door and smiled down at him.

It was a given, as it has been for months now, that they greet each other with a hug. That was what Yuuri did. He wrapped his arms around Victor's middle and just held him. He loved how his head would fit perfectly on Victor's shoulder and how those arms just wound around him.

"I've missed you today." He could feel the words ripple in Victor's chest. "I have something for you, Yuuri."

Yuuri pulled from the embrace and looked puzzled. Victor had taken his hand and led him to the sitting room, the door shutting behind them. He saw Victor lean down and get a small box from his coffee table, and when he opened it Yuuri saw a thin silver chain with what looked like a small jade cross hanging from it.

"This was my mother's. She got it for her First Communion as a little girl. She wore it all the time. The chain we have replaced many times, as I would always play with it when I was a baby; I snapped it off her neck many times, or so she told me."

Yuuri just stared at the necklace Victor held gently in his hand. He did not know what to say, but he felt overcome with emotion. He knew Victor had loved his mother very much and to give him this, it was more than he could properly express. He met Victor's eyes, and knew he was on the verge on tears and smiled.

"Turn around love."

Yuuri turned and felt the cross and chain fall around his neck. It took only a second and Victor had clasped it. His fingers went immediately to the jade cross. It was small and hit right at under his collarbone. He felt warm lips on the back his neck and tilted his head. Victor took his shoulders and turned him around. He saw Victor look down at him, and watched Victor's finger caress the cross.

"It looks perfect on you Yuuri." Victor leaned down and Yuuri stopped breathing for a moment. He knew what was about to happen. He thought about it all day.

* * *

Victor stared down at Yuuri. His mother's cross around his neck. He had brought it back with him from Russia and knew what he wanted to do with it. He knew it would look perfect on Yuuri. He could not help as Yuuri stared up at him, that cross around his neck, and he leaned down. He had thought of nothing all day other than the kiss they had shared last night. He was being greedy but he did not care at that moment. He knew once he tasted temptation it would all be over for him.

He watched as Yuuri pouted his lips and closed his eyes. Victor swore he melted right at that moment and had to press his lips to Yuuri's. He felt Yuuri's arm wrap around his waist and how Yuuri just leaned into him. He felt his arms wrap around Yuuri as he sent a silent prayer to the heavens. _Dear Lord… forgive me, for I have sinned, and I will continue to sin._

He could feel as Yuuri's head tilted a bit more and he moved his mouth to tilt his, and he gently licked Yuuri's bottom lip and felt Yuuri gasp and open his mouth. Victor knew he needed to stop, that he needed to go through his laicization, but right now, it all be damned - he slowly ran his tongue around Yuuri's lips and almost lost his senses when he felt Yuuri's tongue meet his. He was not sure how he managed it, but he was able to pull Yuuri tighter to him. _If this is the price of my soul, consider mine sold._

His body felt overly warm as they worked their way over to the couch. Before he knew what happened, he was sitting on the couch and had pulled Yuuri down on him. He could feel Yuuri straddle him, settling in his lap. He felt Yuuri's hands move and travel through his hair. He could not help but moan out as the feel of Yuuri's weight pressed against him was everything he imagined it would be. He loved the taste of Yuuri, which was beyond what he had imagined. His hands worked up Yuuri's back and tried to press his body tighter to his. He could feel his own desperation in the kiss and Yuuri's passion.

Victor knew he had given into the sins of lust, yet at the moment the only thought he could muster was the feel of Yuuri against him. Every moment in his life stopped, every happy memory he ever had was replaced in a sudden single moment. His tongue continued to dance around Yuuri's, he could feel Yuuri press harder and harder into him. He was lost in that moment. His vows forgotten, his status forgotten. He had not left the church yet, but at that moment, he did not think of this.

His pants were tighter than they had ever been, and he felt Yuuri was in the same situation he was. He continued to kiss Yuuri deeply. The taste of Yuuri had exploded into his body and there was nothing else on his mind. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph could not take him away from what was straddled across his lap.

Yuuri would whimper softly into the kiss and rock his hips against him. When they finally had broke from the kiss, he felt Yuuri's mouth trail across his jaw and down his neck. Victor tilted his head as Yuuri kissed and licked down his neck and around his ear. The moment Yuuri bit down on his neck Victor moaned out and felt Yuuri rock his hips again.

Victor knew it had been years since he had felt the intimate touch of another person. The more Yuuri pressed against him, the more Yuuri kissed along his neck, the more Yuuri touched him, the more he knew he made the right decision. His vow of celibacy forgotten, the vow to God forgotten. Everything in him belonged to Yuuri.

"Vitya…" Yuuri whispered heavily in his ear. "I love you so much."

The sounds of Yuuri's voice so close to his ear as he confessed how much he loved him over and over was enough to make him take Yuuri's face in his hands and kiss him again. He knew he needed to cool this down or it never would. He slowed the kiss down and then pressed his forehead to Yuuri's.

"Yuuri… as much as I…"

Yuuri kissed him gently and pulled back. He could see the cross around Yuuri's neck and put his finger to it. He stared at it hanging around Yuuri's neck and then looked into Yuuri's eyes. It was too perfect. Yuuri looked too perfect as he sat there and smiled down at him. He could not help himself and kissed him gently again. That only started them kissing again. Not deep open mouth kisses, but gentle closed mouth kisses. Victor got lost in those lips of Yuuri's. Especially now that they were all swollen and red from earlier. They were soft and warm against his and he knew he could sit there and kiss him till the end of eternity.

"I have a confession, Yuuri."

Yuuri gave him a puzzled look. "What is that?" Yuuri kissed him again.

"I did not plan anything for dinner… I just wanted to see you." He gave more kisses. "I could not stop thinking about last night."

He could feel Yuuri's mouth smile against his. They shared small kisses back and forth.

"Yes, it was all I could think about too, Vitya."

He could still feel Yuuri as he slowly rocked his hips against him. They were both hard and Victor knew how easy it would be right now to take Yuuri back to his room and fulfill every thought he had had the last few months. He knew by the way Yuuri reacted to him, they could spend the entire night back there in his bed. He also knew he had already crossed the line and he could not continue crossing it.

"Yuuri… we should order something for dinner."

Instead of answering him, Yuuri leaned down and kissed him again. Victor could not remember a time since way back to his school days when he could get lost just kissing someone. He felt young again and continued to kiss Yuuri.

* * *

If you had asked Yuuri, he had died and gone to heaven. Victor kisses were amazing. He could sit in Victor's lap and do this for the rest of his life. It felt so right. Yuuri could not help but notice how well him and Victor fit together.

Yuuri was still on a high over the necklace Victor had given him and then he was getting kisses on top of it. He did not know what to expect this evening and he was not going to press Victor, but as he sat in Victor's lap, he could not help but rock his hips against the latter. The feel of Victor as turned on as he was was overwhelming. That feeling that the person you have had a crush on, have fallen in love with, feels the same way. Yuuri knew everything was perfect.

He pushed back in his mind the long road they still had ahead of them. He knew it was going to be a challenge for Victor and his heart ached knowing this. It also warmed him inside that Victor was going to go through all this for him, no - _for them_. He knew this process would take a year, and that Victor really wanted to go back to Russia, to his mother's house. Yuuri planned to start learning Russian and see what he was able to do once they got there. It was scary, and Yuuri had never been to another country, but he was also excited. He would get to see the house Victor grew up in.

He could not keep his mouth off Victor's no matter how hard he tried. Every time they pulled away, Yuuri would stare at those lips, already missing them. He would have to lean back down and capture them again. The sounds Victor would make when he kissed his neck and nibbled behind Victor's ear. Those sounds he knew would be the death of him. They were too perfect. This was too perfect.

Every brush of their lips, every flick of their tongue, Yuuri felt like he was in a dream. He was just waiting for someone to pinch him and wake him. Those moments when everything in your life is so amazing and so perfect, you know it cannot last. You know something has to happen to shatter it; this sat in a deep chamber of his mind and he kept pushing it back. He did not want to think about it. It kept peeking its head at him, and he had to brush it aside. He had _his priest_ finally. He had the man he had been yearning for months.

He pulled back as things had started to get heated again. He was afraid he was going to push Victor into something he would regret later until he officially left the church. It was so hard as he looked down, those aqua eyes darkened by their blown out pupils and Victor's mouth still pouted out as if searching for his mouth. He gave those lips a gentle kiss and moved off Victor's lap so he was no longer straddling him. He heard Victor groan and try to pull him back into his lap.

"Victor, let's order some food and… well…" he could feel his face burn up, "calm down a bit."

Victor leaned back into Yuuri and had him pressed to the couch in no time. He could feel Victor's lip trailing down his neck as he unbuttoned a few of the buttons on his shirt. Yuuri could not help but lace his fingers through that silky hair of Victor's and moan out. Victor's mouth was hot on his collarbone as he kissed and sucked his way back and forth then back up his neck. Victor was tormenting him now as he felt Victor on top of him, and that mouth hot and wet against his skin.

"Yuuri… I will never get enough of you," he heard Victor mumble into his neck.

It took them another hour before they finally could cool down enough to order food. Yuuri blushed every time Victor would feed him a forkful of food but he insisted on doing it. He felt a bit off as Victor had barely eaten but was hell bent on feeding him.

"Victor… you need to eat too…" when he saw Victor dipping back into a container and pulling out another pot sticker, offering it to him.

"I will Yuuri. I just want to do this."

Yuuri knew the flush would never leave his cheeks and he started to get full. Yuuri knew they had been kissing all night, but to him, this felt so much more intimate. He saw every time Victor would bring the utensil to his mouth, how his eyes lit up and he smiled. Yuuri could never say no when Victor looked so content and happy.

It took them longer than it normally did to say goodbye. Even at the door the kisses never stopped. Yuuri never wanted them to stop. He wanted to stay there and kiss Victor till the sun came up. But he knew it would be too much temptation for the both of them. He took his short drive home and got ready for bed. He could not sleep though and stared at the ceiling. He was not sure how long he had been doing this before his text notification went off.

 **Victor:** Just wanted to say good night

 **Yuuri:** Why are you still up?

 **Victor:** Couldn't stop thinking about you

 **Yuuri:** Same

 **Victor:** Get some sleep my love. I am going to the church to pray for a bit

 **Yuuri:** Isn't it late to go to the church? Are you ok?

 **Victor:** As long as I have you I will be fine. Goodnight my Yuuri.

 **Yuuri:** Goodnight!

Yuuri tossed and turned till about midnight when he could not take it anymore. He got out of bed and changed real quick. Knowing Victor was at church weighed on his mind. He knew Victor was nervous about his meeting with the Bishop. He could at least go and pray with him.

* * *

After Yuuri had left, Victor could not sleep. He tried a glass of wine, but sleep would not happen. He decided to send Yuuri a goodnight text and go to the church to pray for the strength he would need to get through his meeting with the Bishop. He was not worried about his decision he had made - he was nervous about actually going through with the meeting and he just wanted it over with.

His night had been too perfect and he did not want to soil it with the thoughts of his meeting, and he knew when he could not sleep, sometimes just going to the church and praying could help. He knew he would not have them for much longer, so he slipped his cassock on and made the short walk down the path to the church.

He knelt at the candles and lit one. Fingers to forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right. He had Silas' rosary in his hand as he worked his prayer. _Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee…_ ten beads in a row, five in a loop. It was soothing to him and did help calm him down.

He was halfway through the prayer when he heard footsteps. He had been locked in a trance at the candles praying. When he looked up, he knew his prayers had been answered. He saw Yuuri, standing across the way, smiling at him. Victor stood up and started walking Yuuri's way as he saw Yuuri briskly walking towards him. They met right in front of the pulpit in an embrace and determined kiss. Victor knew he did not have much longer to be with Yuuri, but this was all just a bump in the road till they could be together forever.


	16. Chapter 16

_I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and Earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried. He descended to the dead. On the third day, He rose again. He ascended to Heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again to judge the living and the dead. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and life everlasting. Amen._

The minute he saw him, his body called to Victor, no… to _Father Nikiforov_ , _his priest._ Father Nikiforov was in his cassock, kneeling in front of the votive candles, with his rosary – no, Silas' rosary between his fingers. The moment Father Nikiforov stood up, moving gracefully in his robes, Yuuri almost broke into a run. He could not get to _his priest_ fast enough. They embraced long and hard, their mouths joining immediately. Yuuri could feel those dark robes as his arms wrapped around _his priest_. They were of softer fabric but still had the scratchiness he had longed to feel.

Yuuri felt dizzy the moment Victor's tongue entered his mouth; there was a slight hint of wine but the taste was all _his priest_. Yuuri moaned lightly and felt himself melt into those arms locked around him. There was such desperation coming off _his priest_ that Yuuri shuddered in his arms, and the thought they were in the church he had first laid eyes on Father Nikiforovmade his body heat up.

"Yuuri," _his priest_ let out as he broke their searing kiss, "wasn't this what you told me about…in the confessional?"

Yuuri looked into those aqua eyes and saw they were in front of the pulpit. He had _his priest_ in his arms and the sacrificial table was right there in front of him. Yuuri stopped breathing for a moment, his eyes going wide as he stared into those eyes.

"Father Nikiforov…" Yuuri whispered raspily and he heard _his priest_ 's breath catch before he was pulled into a bone-crushing hug.

"Yuuri, you are truly a gift to me."

 _His priest_ stepped away from him, taking his hand as they walked up the three steps up to the pulpit, entering the chancel. _His priest_ turned and looked at him.

"Breathe, Yuuri," he heard _his priest_ say in a low voice. Yuuri inhaled deeply, as he did not know he had been holding his breath. Smiling, _his priest_ pulled him close, putting his fingers under Yuuri's chin. "Breathe Yuuri," _his priest_ said again as he titled Yuuri's face up to his, and Yuuri tried to remember this simple task. _How can something so simple be so hard?_ He had to consciously tell himself to breath over and over, feeling so overwhelmed that his fantasy was unraveling right in front of him. He felt those lips touch his again and he shook at the touch. His knees started to give and he felt the strong arms around his waist hold him up.

The lips pressed to his were extremely gentle this time. They caressed his lips until he felt the warm wet tongue whisper across his bottom lip. Yuuri parted his lips and felt the explosion inside of him when his tongue met yet again with that of _his priest_. They had kissed long and passionately not much time earlier, but to Yuuri, this was different. There was a linger of the incense from earlier in the day still in the air, the scent of the candles lit toward the front of the church, and the spice of _his priest_ pressed gently to him. Every sense in his body was heightened.

 _Breathe Yuuri… Breathe… this is what you have fantasized about for months._

Yuuri deepened the kiss this time. The gentle caress of their tongues turned hungry and intense. Yuuri clutched the robes pressed against him and pushed more into the strong body holding him.

"Father Nikiforov… please…" Yuuri did not know what he was begging for, but he knew he needed more. His head spun as _his priest_ practically picked him up. He felt those strong arms lift him, setting him on the edge of sacrificial table. Their sides were now turned to the nave, where the empty benches were lined. From there he was looking down at _his priest_ , whose back was to the pulpit _._ Yuuri leaned down and kissed him again. Yuuri felt the kiss end all too quickly but those lips stayed connected to him. They were on his jaw and trailing down his neck. He could feel the warm hands move under his shirt and grab at his sides slowly moving up his body.

Yuuri tilted his head giving _his priest_ better access to his neck as he felt that hot mouth open along the cords of his neck. He could feel as _his priest_ latched hard onto the skin there. Yuuri moaned as he felt the pleasure at the slight pain in his neck. The hand under his shirt started to pull and he raised his arms, in order to allow it to slip off. His glasses almost fell off as _his priest_ took them and set them to the side.

He stared down at _his priest_ as he felt those hands press against his body again. A hand, splayed across his abdomen, moved up his chest. He just sat there and watched as the man before him slowly caressed his torso, going then down his arms. Every swipe of those long fingers across his skin felt like fire igniting his skin.

"Breathe, Yuuri," those words came to his ears again. He took in a deep breath and continued to watch _his priest_ drink his body in. As those hands reached lower down his body, he could not help but arch to the touch. Yuuri could not help but notice how those hands shook as they reached the buttons on his jeans. His gaze locked with _his priest_ again and saw _his priest_ was now holding his breath.

"Breathe, Father Nikiforov."

* * *

How hard is it to breathe? He had been reminding Yuuri to do this and here he was, hands ghosting over the button of those jeans when he heard those words breathed out at him. He took a deep breath and unclasped the jeans. He slowly unzipped them and never took his eyes off Yuuri's. Those large pools of copper rose staring down at him.

Yuuri's hands then gently grabbed the sides of his head to capture his lips again, breaking their gaze. This gave him enough courage to reach into the jeans he had just unzipped: he brushed his hand over the cloth, feeling the hard length underneath , and they both moaned at the same time.

"Father Nikiforov…" every time he heard Yuuri say that it went straight to his cock. Something about being in the church with Yuuri, having him him so wanton in front of him, made it all right. Victor knew this was wrong, he knew it was sinful, but he had already sold his soul – this was just the icing on the cake.

"Yuuri…" he leaned forward pressing his lips to the chest in front of him, biting gently as his hand wrapped around the hard length against his hand. There was till a layer of fabric between their skin touching there, but Victor did not want to rush this. Moving his mouth he licked gently over the peaked nipple and felt hands reach into his hair. Victor circled around the peak with his tongue and gently bit down as he slowly moved his hand up and down the cloth-covered cock. He could feel Yuuri's body shake under his mouth and hand. He moved his mouth to other side of Yuuri's chest and licked around the nipple there and bit down. He heard Yuuri moan out and felt Yuuri's hip arch up into his hand.

Victor could take it no longer, grabbing the waistband of the jeans and boxers, he started to push Yuuri's pants down and Yuuri moved his hips enough to allow it. He watched as Yuuri kicked his shoes off and his jeans fall to the pulpit floor. Victor stood there a second and looked over the naked body sat on the sacrificial table. The candle light dancing across that pale skin. Yuuri's eyes were half lid and his mouth slightly open, a flush had spread from his cheeks to his chest. There was a dark purple mark on his chest and neck.

"Father… please…" Those words again. He saw Yuuri's hands reach out for him and he leaned forward kissing those collarbones, leaving marks across them. Victor had his hands in a tight grip on Yuuri's hip and every moan Yuuri called out echoed throughout the church.

He moved his hand off the hip he was leaving fingerprints on and moved it to wrap his fingers around the Yuuri's cock. The minute they were wrapped the warm flesh he heard the echo of Yuuri's cry throughout the church. He could feel how it throbbed beneath his fingers. Victor gently pulled the foreskin down hearing as Yuuri moaned when his thumb brushed over the tip and pressed the tiniest bit of pressure to the slit.

"Father Nikiforov..."

Victor continued to work marks across Yuuri's chest and started to move his mouth further down as Yuuri arched into his touch. He took a hand and pressed it to Yuuri's chest, gently laying his back on the table as he started to lick around his hip bones, his other hand slowly moving up and down Yuuri's hard length. The feel of Yuuri's hands in his hair, gently pulling had him latch onto one of those hip bones and suck hard.

Peeking up, he could see how Yuuri was arched on the table, his voice filling the church like the most beautiful choir song he had ever heard. Yuuri was calling to God and him. Releasing his mouth from the tortuous mark he was embedding into Yuuri, he grabbed Yuuri's shaft and licked from the hilt to the tip in one long swipe. Yuuri's back looked as if it would break if he arched anymore on that table.

Victor gave him another long slow lick and then circled his tongue around the tip and could feel the hands in his hair pull. He slowly wrapped his lips around the head and sucked while circling his tongue, tasting Yuuri before moaning against him.

"Oh God Father…." Yuui moaned out.

God indeed. It was God that had brought them together, It was the church that had allowed them close. It was fate, it was heaven above. _Lead me not into temptation…_

He already knew his soul was shattered at this point, and he was counting on Yuuri to piece it back together, but at that instant, none of it mattered. The only thing that mattered right now was the moment he would get with Yuuri.

 _Forgive me Father for I have sinned… and will continue to sin._

He continued to tease Yuuri's tip with his tongue and heard Yuuri whining and calling out to him. He decided to end the torture and took him as far as he could into his mouth. The more Yuuri called out and pulled his hair, the more he felt the tightness in his pants. His cock ached badly but he knew he wanted to take his time with Yuuri. He knew they would be apart all too soon, and he wanted every moment he could have.

He could feel Yuuri lightly move his hips and he allowed Yuuri to push into his mouth. He could feel he was at the gag point but did not stop Yuuri and swallowed back when he felt Yuuri's cock hit the back of his throat. Yuuri continued to chant his name out over and over. He wanted all of Yuuri and he was going to bring the heavens down to get it.

Reaching a hand up he hooked his index and middle finger into Yuuri's mouth and felt the wet warm mouth moisten his fingers. He gently pushed his fingers deeper in Yuuri's mouth, he could hear the obscene wet noises he was making with his mouth along Yuuri's cock.

Once Yuuri coated his fingers enough, he brought his hand back down. His finger pushed gently against his perineum, stopping a moment to press and circle. He heard Yuuri cry out as he dragged his fingers further down and felt the tight ring of muscle. He continued to work his mouth up and down Yuuri's shaft, tasting it leak more and more the more he teased him with his tongue.

A gentle press and he could feel as Yuuri's welcomed his finger. He could feel how tight and warm Yuuri was. He moaned around Yuuri's cock when he started to slowly press into him. He was sure he was able to touch heaven at this moment. A silent prayer sent upwards as he continued to bless Yuuri's cock with his tongue.

All the choirs of heaven could not match the beauty of the sounds that came out of Yuuri at this moment. Victor had to concentrate so he would not come right into his pants at that moment. He had not even touched himself, yet the way Yuuri responded to him almost set him over the edge in an instant.

He knew he needed more than the thin sheen of saliva Yuuri had coated his fingers with and slowly sucked up Yuuri's cock with a soft pop as he let go. Taking another long swipe with his tongue up Yuuri's shaft he slowly removed his finger and could hear Yuuri whine out.

"Father…"

"Shhhh baby, stay right there." Victor hands ran up and down Yuuri's sides as he watched Yuuri arch into each touch. He stood there a minute and drank in the vision that graced him – Yuuri flushed, naked, hard, and wanton on his sacrificial table. He knew he was truly blessed.

* * *

Yuuri had died and gone to heaven. He knew nothing was better than this. _His priest_ worshiping him with his hands and mouth. His body was a temple and _his priest_ was praying at it. His body was alive and was screaming out _his priest_ name at every touch. He had known the touch of another, but this, _this_ was something new. He never knew his body could feel so alive. Heat was spreading through his body, pleasure that was almost painful, almost.

He felt that warm mouth move off of him and he whined. He felt the finger leave his body and his body ached for it to return.

"Shhhh baby, stay right there." That voice, the smooth deep sound of that voice he longed to hear. Those hands were back on his body and he could react and move into them. When he was able to open his eyes properly he could see those aqua pools drinking him in. He could still feel those hands run up and down his sides. He could feel himself whimper as those hands left his body again.

"Father…" he whined out.

He watched as _his priest_ walked over to the cabinet. _His priest_ adorned his neck with a large wooden cross and pulled out two glass bottles. Yuuri held his breath as those eyes locked onto his again. He could feel the moisture building at his lower back on the table and he knew he looked an absolute mess spread out so shamelessly on the sacrificial table, but his mind was not bothered at the moment by these thoughts. His mind only went to _his priest_ as he came back to him and set the bottles down and then leaned down to kiss him.

Yuuri knew he kissed back too eagerly but everything _his priest_ was doing to him made his thoughts turn off. Those hands were trailing down his body again. He felt the hands grab at his hips and pull him down so his ass almost hung off the table. _His priest_ grabbed a glass bottle and he watched as he tipped the bottle and coated his fingers.

"Baptismal oils Yuuri… or chrisms if you may… a blend of oils, slightly fragrant, perfect really…" he heard _his priest_ explain to him. Yuuri knew his chest was heaving and his face was all twisted, but the look he was getting from _his priest_ made him not care.

Those long thin fingers were back on him, they were circling his entrance as another hand wrapped around his hard cock. He cried again. It was all too much, yet not enough. He could feel the pressure as a finger slipped into him and he tried to rock his hips into the finger but his hips wanted to thrust into the hand on his cock.

"Father!" he yelled out. His hands grabbed the side of the table as he felt his back arch. The finger was working in and out of him and he could not stop the sounds that escaped his throat. When he felt the pressure of another finger he thought he was going to cum right on the spot but he felt those long finger grab hard at the base of his cock.

"Not yet baby… not yet." he heard _his priest_ coo at him.

Yuuri knew he whined, but he knew he was falling apart at the same time. When those two fingers hooked inside him, he saw light erupt from behind his eyes, even with the firm grip at the base of his cock, he was releasing all over his stomach and chest.

"Oh baby… you are truly a blessing to me." He felt the warm mouth as it started to lap and lick the mess he had made of himself. The fingers in him continued to press against his hot spot and pumped in and out of him.

"Father!"

Another finger he felt slip in and he thought he was going to reach his limit again though he was only half hard at this point. That hand returned back to his cock, he was so sensitive and his body was screaming at him.

"Father!" he called out again. The hand was gentle but was too much.

"Yes my Yuuri?" That voice had his cock twitch again as it was low and full of seduction. To hear _his priest_ voice was like best song heaven ever could create.

Yuuri whimpered again, those fingers had left him. He felt empty, he felt raw, he felt spent, but he did not feel fulfilled.

"Come here my love," he heard as he felt those hands on his hips guiding him off the table. Once his feet felt the ground he knew his knees were weak and was grateful for the strong hands that still held him up. He watched the swollen red mouth of _his priest_ press against his and he felt his arms wrap around _his priest_. The robes up against his body felt amazing. Everything he could have ever hoped for, everything he had ever dreamed of. His body moved and squirmed against those robes. He taste himself in _his priest_ 'smouth and it only turned him on more.

When the kiss broke he watched as _his priest_ lifted his robes and slowly undid his pants. Yuuri could not take his eyes off _his priest_. Their eyes stayed locked as _his priest_ took his cock out of his pants and slowly stroked himself. _His priest_ was not even touching him and Yuuri moaned out. The sight before him was so beautiful he thought he could weep. _His priest_ stood there with his cock in his hand, candles lit in the background and a crucifix hung behind him. _His priest_ slowly walked forward and kissed him gently.

"Turn around love," he heard _his priest_ say.

Yuuri turned and then felt a hand between his shoulder blades gently pushing his torso onto the table, those long fingers stroking slowly down his spine down between his cheeks. Yuuri spread his legs and arched to the touch.

"Glory be to the Father..." he felt those hands parting his cheeks, "to the Son," he felt as _his priest_ cock touched his entrance, "and the Holy Spirit!" he felt as _his priest_ breached inside of him. He cried out and he heard a deep moan behind him. He felt _his priest_ hold still as he adjusted to the sting and hissed out slowly.

"Let me know when I can move…" he told Yuuri, his words dripping with desire.

Yuuri grabbed the edges of the table and breathed in deep; the sting was gradually going away, and he pushed back and felt how _his priest_ slowly pushed into him. Yuuri moaned out when he felt more full that he had ever had been in his life. He could feel the light sheen of sweat covering his body, He could feel _his priest_ deep inside of him. Yuuri grabbed the table harder and knew his knuckles were white. Yuuri moved his hips some to let _his priest_ know he could move. There was a deep moan that came from behind him, and Yuuri wanted nothing more than to feel _his priest_ defile him on the table.

"I love you," he heard from behind and Yuuri tried to speak the words back but could feel as _his priest_ slowly pulled out then thrusted back into him. His entire body was now one with _his priest_ and he knew if he were to die now, his life was complete. Everything he had ever hoped for, dreamed for, longed for, lusted for, was happening now. _His priest_ would slowly pull almost out then slowly push back in. Yuuri was going to lose it.

"Harder… please!" he cried out to _his priest._

The hands on his hips grabbed tighter as he felt the slow torturous pull out of his body then the strong push back in. Yuuri heard as their skin slapped together each time he felt _his priest_ slam back into his body. The walls of the church echoed the sounds of their bodies and moans.

"Father!" he cried out again.

 _His priest_ let go of his hip, slowed his movements, reached and grabbed the other bottle. Yuuri could feel the holy water running down his back as that warm mouth started to chase the water droplets. Yuuri moaned and cried out. _This_ was the moment Yuuri ascended into heaven. The cool drops of water across his back trickled down as the hot mouth licked across his skin.

He could feel something press onto his back and he knew _his priest_ had laid his large wooden cross on him. There was a hand on his hip that would leave bruises come morning, and with the powerful thrusts he knew he was getting close again. The pressure of that cross on his back and the fullness within him, Yuuri was at his breaking point.

The thrusting got more erratic, so he let go of the table and brought his hand down and wrapped around his cock. He pumped his cock a few times and felt himself release as his cock poured the effects of his orgasm onto the sacrificial table. He moaned out and he could hear a deep moan and one last hard thrust and he could feel _his priest_ release into him.

 _Breathe Yuuri… Breathe…_

He collapsed fully onto the table and felt those robes on his naked flesh as _his priest_ fell on top of him.

"I love you" was all he could chant over and over again as they both laid bent over the table with the church candlelight dancing across their bodies.

 **Please note - the updates for this will be happening now once a week due to life being insanely crazy! If I manage more I will post them as they come! Thank you for all the love on this! (Art posted on my Tumblr - Phaytesworld and announcements for this on AO3 as Phayte)**


	17. Chapter 17

_O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended You. I detest all my sins because of your just punishments, but most of all because they offend you, My God, who are all good and worthy of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen._

Yuuri could feel as Victor slid down to the floor and pulled him with him. Those robes were bunched up and Yuuri just curled into _his priest_ as his hands clutched at the robes. His breathing was still not normal nor was his heartbeat. Emotions were washing themselves up and down his body and mind. He felt those strong arms wrap around his naked body and just hold him. Yuuri buried his face into those dark robes and just trembled as they sat there. Everything he had dreamed of since he laid eyes on this man had come true and he was not sure his head was wrapped around it all.

"Baby… are you okay?" Victor whispered into his ear.

Yuuri nodded as he felt tears slip from his eyes. It was all too much, yet not nearly enough. He never wanted this moment to be over, to end. He knew he had only a few hours left with _his priest_ and he was not letting him go. Yuuri felt blessed to have this man in his life. Regardless of their situation, this was where God had intended them to be. He felt like he was somewhere between dream and reality at this moment, as though his body did not belong to him. He knew he was shaking a bit, but he knew he had never felt better before in his life. When ever he was wrapped in _his priest_ arms, he knew everything was perfect.

"Yuuri, love, you are trembling greatly… are you sure you are okay?" he could hear the concern in Victor's voice.

Yuuri wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and looked into those aqua eyes as he smiled. He knew he could stare into those eyes till the end of time.

"Vitya… I am more than okay." He leaned forward to kiss _his priest_ and turned so he could press his chest to him. He started to feel uncomfortable as he could feel the reminiscence of Victor slide slowly out of him. Yuuri squirmed and Victor grabbed a purificator and handed it to Yuuri.

"Why don't you go get dressed and cleaned up; I am going to run back to my cottage and will meet you back at your car, okay?" Victor kissed his forehead and Yuuri was puzzled for a moment. Victor chuckled and kissed him again, "I am coming back to your place till I have to go meet with the Bishop if that is okay? I want to go get a change of clothing."

Yuuri just sat there stunned and looked at _his priest_. He felt the emotions hit him again as he buried his head into those robes. "You… mean it?" he whispered. He knew tonight was a gift, and being able to lay and hold _his priest_ as he slept till the sun came up was an even bigger gift. Yuuri always figured he would have to wait at least a year before he could hold _his priest_ as he slept, he almost started to cry again.

"Yuuri. Of course baby. I want to hold you for as long as I can. But I do need something different to wear and by the time you are cleaned and dressed I will be at your car waiting, alright?" He could feel those lips on his forehead as he started to scramble off _his priest_ 's lap and then remembered he was completely naked and tried to grab something to cover himself. Victor had stood up, buttoned his pants and looked down, offering a hand.

"Don't even try to cover your body, Yuuri," he felt those lips on his again as the arms went around his waist and pulled him close. "You standing here, at the pulpit… naked... " Victor started to kiss Yuuri's neck and Yuuri tilted his head, allowing those lips to trace across his skin and collarbones. He could feel the hands as they grabbed lightly at his hips pulling him back close. Yuuri did not care about the mess between his legs as it trickled down; _his priest_ was touching him again and that was all his mind could think of. He knew this could not be real, it was too perfect. The man holding him was the most perfect human he had ever met in his life, and this man wanted him. Yuuri was having a hard time believing this was all real. His head spun and his body continued to tremble.

Victor continued to kiss him and Yuuri could feel his excitement building up again. When Victor pulled away he stepped back and looked Yuuri up and down. Yuuri could feel the blush on his cheeks and tried to cover himself yet again..

"Don't love. You are beautiful… and if I don't stop now, I will be bending you over the table again."

Yuuri blushed and looked down as Victor took him back into his arms and hugged him.

"Yuuri, five minutes, and I'll be at the car." Victor kissed his forehead and rushed off the chancel out back. Yuuri could not help but stand there and stare off where _his priest_ had just left. He pinched his arm just to make sure he was not dreaming, then he felt the trickling down his leg again and bit his lip as he gathered his clothing and went into the bathroom to clean up best he could.

* * *

It was hard to separate himself from Yuuri but he took off out of the church and all but ran to his cottage. He was in half a mind to just pack his few belonging and take Yuuri and leave. He knew he had to do this the right way, though he already messed that up.

He grabbed a change of clothing and changed out of his cassock. He put on standard clothing but packed his clerical clothes for the next day. When Victor passed the mirror, he could see his hair was a mess and his face still flushed. He straightened his hair and had to smile, and it was a genuine smile too. He could not remember ever feeling this way and he knew it was all because of Yuuri. Yuuri made him feel so alive.

He all but ran back down the trail that led to the back of the church where Yuuri's car was and saw Yuuri walking up to the car. He had to smile as he could saw Yuuri look around for him. Once Yuuri found him that smile across his face lit up.

It was a short distance back to Yuuri's place and they quickly went inside. Yuuri grabbed some water bottles he had and they went to the couch. He could see Yuuri just sat there and stared at him: it made him shift a bit and he pulled Yuuri into him and rested back on the cushion. Victor lazily stroked fingers over Yuuri's chest, wanting that shirt back off Yuuri.

Victor tugged at the hem and Yuuri sat up so he could slip the shirt off of him and pull him back to him. He liked the feel of Yuuri's back pressed against his chest as they just sat back on the couch.

"What are you thinking love?" he kept running his fingers up Yuuri's chest, then around his nipple and back down Yuuri's side.

"Is this all real?" Yuuri whispered out.

"What do you mean?" he wrapped his arms around Yuuri and just held him.

"I feel like I am in a dream and am so afraid I am going to wake up."

"This is definitely not a dream, baby. I can assure you." Victor turned Yuuri so he was facing him and kissed him deeply. He could feel as Yuuri started to push him so he was down laid on the couch and loved the feeling of Yuuri as he pressed on top of him. They were sharing little kisses back and forth as Yuuri squirmed to get comfortable. "Yuuri… you are my dream but this is not a dream – I can assure you this is all real."

Yuuri started to kiss along his jawline. Victor lived the moment. The thoughts of later in the day and year ahead of them crept deep in the back of his mind but he pushed them aside. Right now he had Yuuri on top of him kissing down his neck. He could feel Yuuri's hands in his hair tugging gently and he moaned out softly.

Victor ran his hands up Yuuri's back and just relished in the feel of his skin. He knew that though he just had Yuuri not long before, he knew he would never tire of him. Yuuri was so warm on top of him. He squeezed Yuuri tightly and started to sit up as he brought up Yuuri with him.

"Let's go settle elsewhere." He took Yuuri's face in his hand and kissed him. Yuuri stood up and took Victor's hand as he led him down the hallway. Victor remembered last time he was back here and Yuuri was drunk as he wiggled on the bed taking his clothes off. Victor chuckled and Yuuri looked at him.

"What?"

"Just remembering the last time I was back here… and you were drunk… taking your clothes off teasing me." Victor had taken Yuuri back into his arms as he kissed down his neck.

"I don't remember any of that," Yuuri breathed out.

"Oh I do…" Victor started to worry a spot on Yuuri's neck. "You kept wiggling around saying you couldn't sleep in your clothing… trying to get me to lay down with you…"

Yuuri moaned and started to pull at the t-shirt Victor had on. Victor stepped back and allowed Yuuri to slip the shirt off. Victor watched as Yuuri was looking him up and down, as if he were drinking in the sight before him. Those hands of Yuuri had reached out and started to trace along his stomach. Victor just stood there and allowed Yuuri to work his hands over his body. He could feel how much he was getting turned on and continued to look down at Yuuri.

Yuuri's hands went to the waistband of his pants and started to undo the button and zipper. Victor allowed Yuuri to slowly strip him and to run his hands over his body. He was not sure how long they had stood there, but the moment Yuuri's hand ghosted over his hipbones he became impatient and started to push Yuuri towards the bed. He saw the smile across Yuuri's face and gently pushed Yuuri onto the bed.

It did not take much time before he had Yuuri completely undressed again. This time he laid on top of Yuuri and kissed him. He could feel as Yuuri's hands run up and down his side and back and just settled in. He was not in any mood to rush this.

As he kissed down Yuuri's neck he felt as their cocks swelled against each other and Yuuri was pushing his hips into him. As he moaned out he felt Yuuri open his legs wide and Victor went back to worrying a spot under Yuuri's collarbone. He had to chuckle, as Yuuri was wiggling as much as he could to get Victor back inside of him.

"So impatient _my Yuuri_..." he murmured against Yuuri's skin.

"I waited months Vitya... " Yuuri whined and started to wrap his legs around Victor's back.

"But you just had me. Don't we need lube Yuuri?"

"Top drawer… but Vitya… I am still wet from you."

Victor stifled a moan and closed his eyes. Yuuri would be his damnation yet. He lined himself up to Yuuri's entrance and could feel it still stretched for him, and was yes, wet. Knowing it was him who did that turned him even more and he slowly pushed in.

"Ah Vitya…" Yuuri moaned out.

"Still think this is a dream?"

"It is too perfect to be real…"

"No love, you are too perfect to be real."

Victor rocked slowly in and out of Yuuri. He could feel how Yuuri was still so tight around him and so warm. Knowing he was _inside_ Yuuri made his heart just want to explode. With the way they were lying he could look down and see Yuuri's face. He watched as Yuuri's eyes went half lidded and his mouth partially open. Victor committed this sight to memory as something to hang onto. Yuuri was flushed and had a slight sheen of sweat that covered his body. He wanted to keep things sweet and slow, but with the way Yuuri's body responded to him, and the way he looked under him, Victor thrust in hard.

Yuuri moaned out and ran his short nails down Victor's back. It did not hurt and Victor loved the feel of it. Yuuri would meet his hips at each thrust and Victor could only think over and over how we was back inside his Yuuri. Yuuri would clench around him and his moans drove him mad.

"Yuuri, I love you so much…" the emotions that ran over Victor right now overwhelmed him. He leaned down to kiss Yuuri deeply and could taste everything he was. Their tongues twirled as Yuuri moaned into his mouth.

Their hips started to slap into one another as Yuuri broke the kiss and started to moan more. Victor could hear himself moan and match Yuuri's hip movements. He could feel his entire body was alive.

Victor took his hand and reached between them; he grabbed Yuuri's cock and felt how it leaked into his hand.

"Vitya!" Yuuri called out and bucked his hips into his hands, pressing closer to Victor. Victor felt how Yuuri's cock started to throb and felt as Yuuri got impossibly tight around his cock. White streaks spurt out of Yuuri's cock across Yuuri's stomach and into his hand and he could barely move as Yuuri was still so tight around him. Yuuri was crying out and his nails dug into his back.

Victor was able to push in one more time and felt himself for the second time tonight releasing into Yuuri. Victor held still, deep inside Yuuri, and felt like maybe he was a in a dream too. Yuuri wrapped his arms around him and pulled him down onto him.

Victor's head was still spinning and he was pressed tight to Yuuri as those arms held him tightly.

"I love you Vitya," he heard whispered into his ear.

"Yuuri, you are everything to me."

* * *

Yuuri laid curled into Victor. They had taken a lazy shower and it was almost three in the morning but neither wanted to sleep. He loved laying half on top of Victor and just let his hands run all over his body as they talked about Victor's mother's house and their future once the year was up. They skipped over the year they would have to go to get there. Yuuri knew it would be hard, but he knew as long as the end game had him with Victor, none of that mattered.

"The house is large Yuuri and the gardens even larger. I cannot wait for you to see it all." Victor would run his hands through Yuuri's hair as he explained it all to him. There were towns outside of Saint Petersburg Victor told him they would go to. "I also cannot wait for you to meet Father Feltsman. I was also thinking… once we got there…" Yuuri could hear how Victor trailed off.

Yuuri sat up and rest his chin in his hands on Victor's chest and looked into those aqua eyes. "What Vitya?"

"Well… growing up I had a poodle… I loved him so much… I would like to get another one. The garden is a great place for them to run." Yuuri could see a blush on Victor's face as he said this and Yuuri had to smile.

"Vitya, I love dogs." Yuuri kissed Victor's nose and laughed against his chest.

"Father Feltsman will allow me to still be a part of the church… I will not be a priest anymore, but I do not want to give up my faith."

Yuuri was shocked for a moment, "Vitya, I would never ask that."

"I know Yuuri, sometimes I feel I just have to say it."

"Vitya, you are not doubting your decision are you?" Yuuri was worried for a moment that Victor was regretting what he was doing.

"Oh baby, no," he could feel Victor's arm wrap him tightly and hold him. "There is not a question in my mind over this. Do not ever think that Yuuri. I just have leaned so hard on my faith, almost hid behind it. I did not face my problems, I ran from them. But through it all, I always had my faith and I can't lose this."

"Vitya, our faith is what has gotten us this far, we will hold onto it." Yuuri could feel those arms wrap around him tightly. "I can't wait for this year to pass…" it was almost an afterthought he let slip out and he felt Victor stiffen up. "Oh I know I should have not brought it up," Yuuri spit out.

"No Yuuri, we both know what lies ahead of us, this is where our faith will keep us strong." Victor shifted so they now lay on their sides and just stared at one another. "Let's do something Yuuri. Let's make a promise okay?"

Yuuri was curious and gave Victor a questioning look. Victor chuckled and brushed his hair off his forehead.

"Every night, let's pick a time… we will do a Rosary, together."

Yuuri smiled and took Victor's hand in his. "Yes, that sounds perfect." Yuuri kissed Victor's knuckles.

"When the sun starts to go down. We will do a rosary and we will pray as we think of one another."

Yuuri could not think of anything more perfect.

"Actually Yuuri…" Victor got up and hopped out of bed. Yuuri watched as he walked naked through his room to pick up both of their pants. Yuuri was not sure what was going on until he saw Victor reach into both their pockets and pulled their rosaries out. Victor walked back over to the bed and sat on the edge. "Yuuri, will you keep Silas' rosary and I will keep yours."

Yuuri sat up and wrapped his arms around Victor. "Vitya, I love it. We can keep a piece of each other."

They talked until the sun started to come up and drifted off holding one another. They were awaken by Victor's phone ringing. Victor leaned over and grabbed the phone as Yuuri groaned. Yuuri could feel Victor's fingers on his lips.

"Hello… No, no, it is okay."

He watched as Victor sat up and held the phone to his ear. "No, I went by around midnight… I must have forgotten to lock the door."

 _Oh shit_. Yuuri thought to himself. They did not lock up the church. He watched as Victor's forehead scrunched up in thought.

"Yes… I know my car is there. No I am not. I have a meeting with the Bishop later."

Yuuri fell back onto the bed and covered his face with his hands. They were careless last night.

"Yes, I should be back in the church later in the afternoon. No, I don't need a ride… I promise," he heard Victor saying into the phone.

Victor hung up the phone and looked over to Yuuri as he shook his head.

"Yuuri, that was too close…"

"I heard."

Victor laid back down and pulled Yuuri into him. They had been a bit careless last night and he knew it. They had not thought about anything till this morning at the sun's light.

"Vitya… the chancel …"

"Shit," Victor breathed out.

They had left a mess of the chancel that night. They had the bottles on the table and the cloth. Yuuri was pretty sure he had released on the table. They both laid there trying to think of how much a mess they had left the church and how the hell they were going to get there and fix it before anyone noticed.


	18. Chapter 18

Yuri sat there on the bed in a panic. He could see the worry lines between Victor's eyes as Victor was in deep thought over this. Both of them had been careless and now it was coming back to bite them in the ass. Yuuri was so caught up in the afterglow of everything that had happened he did not even think about how they left the church.

"Well Vitya, we need to get to the church and fix it."

"Yes, we do." Victor sat back and signed. "I've got a few hours before the meeting. Let's run to the church and pray no one has been in there yet."

They quickly got dressed and headed to the church. There was just the church secretary there, and they were easily able to get to the chancel. Yuuri breathed a sigh of relief and sent a prayer of thanks as they were able to put the bottles away and clean up what ever mess they had made. Yuuri could see the tension leave Victor's body as they were able to slip out of the chancel and out the back door without being seen.

Once back at Yuuri's place they both relaxed and Yuuri went to make breakfast. They were both exhausted, but Yuuri could not have been happier having Victor in his house as he made breakfast. Yuuri liked how Victor made them coffee and then came around and kissed him gently on the neck. Yuuri couldn't wait till every morning was like this for them. It warmed his heart knowing little thing like this were going to be reality. Yuuri smiled as he continued to scramble the eggs. His thoughts would go to Russia and trying to imagine what the house was like, what their days would be like and how happy he would be waking up to Victor every morning.

When Yuuri got the breakfast and went over to table, Victor hugged him from behind. Yuuri loved how those arms would wrap around him and he could just lean back.

"Yuuri, I can't wait till this is everyday for us," he heard Victor say into his ear. It sent shivers down his spine. It warmed his heart knowing that what he had been thinking, Victor had been thinking too. Yuuri held onto Victor's arms as they were wrapped around him and just stood there.

Yuuri knew the next year was going to be hard and he wanted to commit to memory all these little moments to get him through. He only had a few short hours left with Victor and he just wanted every minute he could muster.

"I am going to miss you so much, Vitya," Yuuri choked out.

Yuuri could feel lips gently brush the skin of his neck. "Yuuri, don't be sad right now. Think of what the outcome will be, okay?"

Yuuri turned and looked into those aqua eyes as he pushed the hair out of Victor's face and smiled. "A year is nothing compared to what will be."

He could see Victor return his smile and kiss his forehead. "Yes Yuuri, a year is nothing. You will see, it will go by faster than we think."

* * *

Victor enjoyed his morning with Yuuri. He knew Yuuri was supposed to go to work and did not question it when Yuuri did not even bother to get ready. He knew he was being selfish again, but he also knew he needed every minute with Yuuri as to prepare himself for what was ahead. He could not believe they were there together. He had had a good run in his priesthood and would never have given any of that time up, but he knew he was meant for more now, with Yuuri.

Yuuri was his lifeline in all of this. He was worried about their move but relieved when Yuuri immediately jumped at the opportunity. He was afraid word would get around town and he did not want Yuuri to deal with any backlash. It was risky what they had done, though he would not have changed a thing; he knew with Yuuri around, all thought process was abandoned.

Victor was on the couch as he held Yuuri against him. They were not speaking, they were just holding one another and drinking in every last minute they could.

"So where are you meeting the Bishop?" Yuuri asked.

"He is on the other side of town, at the abbey. So he asked if I could just go there." Victor started thinking about what was about to happen and he could feel everything in him pulling him in two different directions. He had a duty to God, but he could serve God still, just not be under an oath. Victor knew he did not need an oath though to serve him. Just because he was not going to be wearing his clerical collar anymore that did not make him any less faithful. No, he felt his faith grow stronger and the longer Yuuri was around, he knew his faith would never falter. He planned to hold on to it tightly, regardless if he were a priest or not.

He hugged Yuuri tighter to him, knowing they had to get ready to leave. Yuuri was taking him to the meeting and Victor felt he could throw up at any moment.

The bishop met him inside the abbey and they walked down the nave, sitting towards the back. Victor liked that the Bishop was a laid-back older man. He knew this conversation would be hard and he sent a silent prayer to the heavens for strength. Fingers to forehead, midsection, left shoulder and right.

"Father Nikiforov, so what brings on this meeting?"

Victor shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he held Yuuri's rosary in his hand. Victor gently stroked the beads as it made him feel as if Yuuri was with him during this.

"Bishop… I wish to leave the church." Victor was not sure if he was heard as he had spoken so softly.

The Bishop sat back and crossed himself. "Father Nikiforov, this is not a decision to take lightly. Maybe I inquire as to why?"

"Well... " Victor stroked the beads and took in a deep breath, "I have fallen in love." Victor took in another deep breath and continued to run his thumb over a bead in his hand. He had spoken it out loud; in the presence of God in God's house.

The Bishop just sat there then uncrossed his arms and put a gentle hand on Victor's knee. "Father Nikiforov, you are young, you are an amazing priest. This is not a decision to go into lightly. Your vow you entered into was a sacred vow. You speak of love, but I have to ask – have you committed Sins of the Flesh?"

Victor could not even look at the Bishop. He already knew when he looked away he had spoken of his guilt. He nodded his head, though keeping his gaze away from the Bishop. Victor did not feel bad for what he did, he knew any moment with Yuuri was worth what ever price of his soul might be. He was ready for this, he was ready for any wrath God had to hand down to him.

"Oh Father Nikiforov…" the Bishop sat up taller. "You will need to pack your belongings and remove yourself from the church cottage. We will make a room for you here. Are you sure this is what you want? This is a life-changing decision."

Victor turned and this time, his gaze did not falter, nor did his voice. "With everything in me, I am sure." Victor was sure Yuuri was worth anything he ever had or ever would have.

Victor watched as the Bishop nodded. "So shall it be. I will see you at dawn and we will draft the letter for Rome. During this time, you will pray and meditate as we await the reply. You will need to confess your Sins of the Flesh and hand over all clerical clothing upon arrival tomorrow. There will be no electronics during this time Victor."

Victor blanched at the Bishop's casual saying of his name. It hit him hard, it hit home. It was one step closer to Yuuri.

Victor nodded. "I am sorry Bishop. I will not lose my faith, I am only hoping to grow in it."

"This Victor is what I pray for. You can love God and another. I just hope she is worth it." The Bishop pat his knee as he went to rise.

"Trust me Bishop, they are."

Victor was walking around the grounds of the abbey as he cleared his head. He had done it. He set his foot on the path to Yuuri. He had to smile as the saw the monks working the gardens and he continued down a path that took him to the small orchard. This was nothing compared to the orchard that Yuuri's parents had, but he reminded him of that evening with Yuuri. It seemed so long ago to him, but he still had to smile as he remembered how much he had wanted to kiss Yuuri then.

Victor rested up against a tree and pulled out his phone. He needed to reach out to Yuuri and let him know it was all going to be okay. He called Yuuri's phone and Yuuri immediately picked up.

"Vitya? Is everything ok?"

"Yes my love. All is well. I just needed to hear your voice now that I am done here."

"I am just down the road, at a coffee shop. Want me to come get you?"

Victor smiled and chuckled. Of course Yuuri stayed close by. It warmed his heart knowing this. "Yes please. Oh! And can you get me a latte?"

He could hear Yuuri laugh. "Anything for you, Vitya! I will see you soon."

Victor started his walk back across the abbey and smiled as he thought about his future. For once he had something to look forward too. He also knew this meant one more evening with his Yuuri.

* * *

Yuuri had already drank three cups of coffee while waiting for Victor... hoping to hear from Victor. Something in him told him not to leave, to stay. He ordered himself a tea and Victor's latte. He was curious to hear how it went, and was even more surprised when Victor said he could come get him.

When he pulled up the abbey he saw Victor rounding the corner and could only smile. If you had asked Yuuri last year where his life would be right now, he would have said dodging bad dates and working a dead end job. Yet here he was, picking up the love of his life instead. He knew he had a year to learn Russian and he was not worried as he did not have much else to do. He was going to start getting his affairs settled here and get ready for his time with Victor.

As Victor entered the car, he could see the smile that was spread across his face. As they pulled away Victor quickly squeezed his hand and then took his latte. He was being quiet and it was killing Yuuri.

"Well?" Yuuri asked.

Victor chuckled. "I need to get my few belongings, turn in my clerical clothing and I am expected there in the morning."

Yuuri thought Victor said it all too casually as he just sat there and sipped his latte.

"Vitya… wait… what?" Yuuri was trying to wrap his head around everything. He was not expecting to go back to town with Victor with him, but he was with him now and he was happy.

"Yuuri, can we stop by the cottage? I do not have much, and they will need it for the new priest. I also have a few belongings I wish to not take with me to the abbey… and I would like to leave them in your care."

"Anything Vitya." Yuuri knew Victor never had to ask this. It warmed him knowing that Victor was leaving his few belongings with him.

They drove to the back of the church and parked where Yuuri's car could not be seen and walked the short path to the cottage. He was not sure what to do so he just stood there and took in everything. The time they had spent there meant everything to Yuuri and he could not believe this would be the last time he would see it.

"Hey Yuuri – I have tea and some staples in the kitchen. Can you grab a bag and get them?" he heard Victor call out from the back room. Yuuri grabbed a few bags he knew Victor kept there and went to the cabinet. He had to smile at how as once Victor found out he had a weakness for jasmine green tea, he always made sure to have some stored. Yuuri went through the cabinets and grabbed the few things Victor had kept there. Being as the church provided for him, the ladies would bring him dinners and he would just keep few things around for comfort.

He saw Victor come out and he had a box. Yuuri had two bags of stuff he had gathered from the kitchen and noticed Victor had already changed out of his clerical clothing.

"Yuuri, this box has my most prized and cherished possessions. These are items from my previous self and of my mother's. Anything else I could not care about, so just please, keep these safe."

Yuuri nodded and Victor kissed him quickly. "I just need to grab my clerical clothing to turn in and the few articles of clothing I have." Victor went to go back to the back room. "Oh Yuuri! Can you grab the couple books off the shelf for me?"

They had gathered the few items of Victor's and had arrived back at Yuuri's. It shocked Yuuri just how little Victor had. Yuuri knew along with Victor's vow of celibacy there was also a vow of poverty and he did not keep many things. It just surprised him that two grocery bags, a duffle, and a box were all Victor had.

They had brought his stuff in and Yuuri showed Victor a place in his closet for his box. For the longest time they just stood there in Yuuri's room. He could see Victor was deep in thought and Yuuri did not know really what to do. He shifted back and forth on his feet.

"You okay, Victor?" Yuuri had to break the silence.

Victor walked over to Yuuri and wrapped his arms around him. "Yes love, I am fine. Just deep in thought about everything."

Victor leaned down and kissed Yuuri, it was sweet and Yuuri arched into Victor's body. Yuuri brought his hands up to Victor's hair when he heard his phone start to ring. Yuuri groaned and got his phone out. He saw it was his sister and he just ignored the call for now. If it was important she would call back or just text him. He was not going to deal with it all now.

"Shouldn't you get that Yuuri?" Victor asked him.

Yuuri shook his head, "Nah, just my sister. I can call her tomorrow. Today I am spending with you. I was not expecting such a great gift."

"But you stayed around anyway."

"I can always pray for a miracle can't I? I mean… God has already blessed me in more ways than I can ever be thankful for."

Yuuri watched as Victor looked down at him – those aqua eyes had a sparkle to them. It would still amaze him how this man would look and smile at him. It gave Yuuri butterflies in his stomach every time he realized Victor loved him and was doing all this for them.

"Yuuri, we have both been blessed in the best way possible." Yuuri could feel those strong arms enveloped him and just stood in his room as they enjoyed the last moments they now had.

Yuuri grabbed onto Victor shirt and took handfuls of it. His emotions had gotten the better of him though he promised himself he would not be sad while Victor was around. He knew he was blessed to have yet another night with his love that he had not been expecting, but it was too much. Victor was having him hold onto his prized possessions while he was gone. Yuuri knew Victor was his life yet he still had to wait for it all to become reality.

Yuuri's body shook a bit and Victor pulled back a little. Yuuri was upset he had allowed tears slip out of his eyes while Victor was there and tried to turn his head away so Victor could not see. Yuuri could feel a thumb brush a tear off his cheek.

"Baby, what is wrong?" Victor kissed his forehead and Yuuri pulled Victor back to him.

"I didn't want to do this while you were here Victor… I am so happy I get another night with you… but I am going to miss you so much." Yuuri could feel the arms hold him tighter.

"We will make it a night to remember then, _my Yuuri_."

Yuuri took in a deep breath and calmed himself down. Once he was calm they went to make dinner, but kept getting distracted and burned the food terribly. They opted to order food instead and kissed till they heard the knock at the door.

Yuuri thought the hours went by too fast. It was dark before either one had noticed. Yuuri spent most the night straddled across Victor's lap as he kissed him for hours. Yuuri never knew he could just kiss someone so much. They would take breaks from kissing and talk a little bit, Yuuri never leaving Victor's lap. He liked to lean in and rest his head on Victor's shoulder. He could feel the rumble in Victor's chest as he spoke and the warmth over his body.

They went yet another night with only a few hours sleep. Yuuri was curled to Victor as their naked bodies intertwined. Victor was sleeping softly and Yuuri watched as the sky out his window turned pink with dawn's break. He brushed the hair off Victor's forehead and just stared down at the man. The night had passed too quickly no matter how hard they fought for each minute. Yuuri was staring at the peaceful expression on Victor's face and could feel his heart swell. He was able to hold his emotions tightly the rest of the night, and he knew this morning he would have to be strong for Victor. This night was a blessing for them both, and they took full advantage of it.

Yuuri's body was sore and riddled in purple marks. He circled around Victor's chest with his finger at the marks he had left behind. They did not want to leave any marks that could be seen on Victor's being as he was headed to the abbey, but Yuuri had to smile as he traced his finger around them. Victor started to stir and Yuuri smiled and leaned down to kiss each mark he had left on Victor's chest. Yuuri felt Victor's hands as they ran through his hair.

"Oh love, I did not mean to fall asleep… What time is it?" Yuuri loved the sleepy sound to Victor's voice.

"It is almost six," Yuuri sighed out.

Yuuri felt Victor hands move and pull him gently back up to him. Their lips met and kissed hungrily. They did not have much longer and Yuuri tried to put every ounce of himself into the kiss.

When they finally pulled back, Yuuri could feel the hands running up and down his back.

"Shouldn't you shower before we head out?" Yuuri asked Victor.

"No love, I want to smell like you for as long as I can."

Yuuri turned his head so Victor could not see the tears that streaked down his cheek. They had to finally get up and get moving as Victor said it would be rude to be too late. Yuuri smiled when he saw Victor grab Yuuri's t-shirt he had worn the previous day, though it fit him snug Victor did not care and he grabbed a plain jacket he had to put over it. Yuuri noticed Victor leave his on the floor and had to smile.

Neither spoke much as I they did not have to. It was eating them both inside and out and they both wanted to be strong for the other. The ride there was all too short, even with Yuuri stopping and getting them lattes for the drive. Victor held Yuuri's hand the entire way and when it was time to pull into the abbey Yuuri did his best to keep his face strong.

He pulled over before entering and stared at Victor. He knew his eyes betrayed him and he saw as Victor's looked the same.

"My love… this time will go by fast and we will have our life together. I will see you sooner than you know." Victor ran his finger across Yuuri's cheekbone and over his bottom lip. Yuuri felt his lip quiver and wanted to say something back but could not trust his voice.

"Victor… I love you."

"I love you too, Yuuri."

Yuuri pulled up and Victor got his bag out the car and slowly walked to the doors of the abbey. When Victor turned, Yuuri swore the sunlight glimmered off the tears on his cheeks and Yuuri smiled at him. The moment Victor walked through those doors Yuuri lost it. He was able to drive his car to a parking lot and he gripped the steering wheel as he screamed in his car.

As much as he felt blessed for that last night with Victor, he felt cursed for having to suffer through this without his love next to him, not even through text. It took him an hour to calm down and be able to drive home. When he got home, he stripped all his clothes off and put on the shirt Victor had left behind and laid in the bed they were just in not that long ago. He fell asleep with his cheeks wet and Victor's scent in his nose.


	19. Chapter 19

Yuuri called off work the next day and talked with his boss. He knew his boss was not happy with him and Yuuri being fake sick. His boss said he was using his vacation time and he had till the next week to get his ass back to work. Yuuri did not care. He hung up and curled back up in his bed, holding Victor's shirt tightly to his nose. He drifted back off to sleep and slept for the remaining of the day.

He awoke to messages on his phone and missed calls. He had silenced his phone the minute he got home and now that night had fallen he finally looked at it. His sister had called him a few times, Phichit was texting him, his mother had called… he closed his phone and went to go make something to eat. The minute he reached the kitchen and looked out the window he realized it was dark.

Nighttime… he had already missed his first rosary session with Victor and just lost it. As he fell to the floor of the kitchen all the tears in him came flowing forward. Everything he had suppressed the past few days hit him like a ton of bricks. Every emotion he had ever felt hit him all at once and his poor body and mind could not handle it.

Curled on the floor he hugged his knees to his chest and cried for what seemed hours. He prayed to God over and over to make this all go by quickly and to ease his pain. Yuuri was not sure how long he was on the floor crying, but he finally was able to pick himself up and go back to his room, getting Silas' rosary before kneeling at his bed. First he prayed for forgiveness. He prayed his Victor would understand his pain. He recited the Rosary and did an extra one for penance.

He could feel the pain in his knees when he rose from the hard floor and gently set the rosary on his nightstand. His stomach growled at him because he still had not eaten, and he went back to the kitchen.

Yuuri could not tell you how his next two days went. His phone would ring, texts would come in, and then he would eventually just turn it off. He stayed in bed crying into his pillow. How was he suppose to get through this year if he could not even make it through a few days?

Yuuri could hear a knock at his front door. He did not even bother getting out of bed. The knocking continued and he simply put his pillow over his head. He was hoping they would just go away. When the knocking stopped he sighed and removed the pillow from his head. A few minutes later there was banging at his window that startled him enough for him to scream. It was right next to his bed and he sat up pulling back the curtain seeing Phichit standing there continued to bang on the window.

"Dammit Yuuri – let me in or I am breaking your window," Phichit yelled through the glass.

"Go away!" Yuuri yelled back.

"I am serious, Yuuri!"

Dammit. Yuuri got up and went to the back door since that was where Phichit was now.

Yuuri opened the door and Phichit pushed passed him to enter.

"What the hell Yuuri? Where have you been? Can't you answer your phone?"

Yuuri stood there and just blinked at Phichit. "I turned it off."

"Jesus Yuuri, look at you."

Yuuri looked down, he was in his boxers and Victor's shirt. He probably did look like a wreck as all he had done was cry and lay in bed.

Phichit shook his head. "Go shower and I'll order some food." Yuuri watched as Phichit walked around his kitchen. "Have you even cleaned around here?" Yuuri could see as Phichit was loading his dishwasher. "Yuuri, shower – go!"

Yuuri did not want to take the shirt off but knew it probably did not smell much like Victor anymore as he had worn it the past few days soley. He grabbed his pajama pants and another t-shirt and headed to the bathroom to shower.

When he finally emerged, he saw how Phichit had cleaned up his kitchen and was making his bed.

"Phichit… you don't have too."

"Yuuri… I heard Father Victor was at the abbey… the entire town knows. I have been texting you worried. I feel bad I did not come by sooner. I ordered pizza by the way."

Yuuri just stood there. "Wait… the town knows Victor is at the abbey?"

"Come, I brought wine, let's sit."

Phichit got them some wine and they sat on his couch.

"So yeah, I don't even go to your parish and I have heard the news. They made an announcement to the church that Father Victor was stepping down as they were getting a new priest… then word got out you were at a coffee shop on that side of the town the day before Victor stepped down… what is going on? What happened?"

Yuuri drained his glass of wine and sat back on the couch. "He is leaving the church so we can be together… I took him to the abbey and then back the next morning." Yuuri felt himself choking up again and knew he would start crying again. "What is everyone saying?"

"Nothing really, everyone is confused from what I gather. Yuuri, it is a small town. If you sneeze wrong, you know your mom will call to check on you."

Yuuri groaned and went to get more wine. "I should probably check my phone…"

Turning on his phone he had six voicemails from his sister. Finally listening, he saw how she had seen him with Victor around town and was curious about the priest now leaving. His mother had called asking the same, along with other people in town.

"Yuuri, you cannot stay holed up like this. It makes it more suspicious," Phichit pleaded him.

"Suspicious of what? That I am in love with Victor? That we have been sneaking around for month? That I am waiting out a damn year so I can be with him? And I am supposed to what? Act as none of this is fucking happening?" Yuuri was mad and threw his glass of wine into the sink watching it shatter and splatter all over.

"Yuuri! NO! That is NOT what I am saying? Okay well maybe a little bit… but seriously, do you think that Father Victor would want this? What would he say if he saw you like this?"

Phichit had struck a nerve. He needed to hear it all though. Yuuri leaned against the counter and put his head in his hands. "I just don't know anymore Phichit. How am I going to do this?"

"Day by day Yuuri. It will go by, you will get through it, okay?"

They heard a knock and Phichit answered to get their pizza.

Yuuri ate though he did not taste the food. He was still all in his head over Victor. He knew Phichit was talking and felt like an ass for not being in the moment. He could not help it.

"Yuuri, you said you were going to learn Russian. Why don't you start that? You also need to get your ass back to work before they fire you."

"I just wish I could talk to him…"

"Well you may not be able to talk to him _now_ , but have you ever considered e-mailing him? I am sure he has that still open… when he is done, he can have messages from you and it is sort of like a way to talk to him…"

Yuuri's eyes grew. "PHICHIT!" Yuuri screamed, "That...that is perfect."

Yuuri jumped up and grabbed his laptop, opened his e-mail, and started to write Victor. Phichit knew he had lost Yuuri for some time and turned on the TV, settling in with wine and pizza.

* * *

Victor was given plain robes. They were colorless, they were scratchy, and they made him blend into the background. These were different from the clerical robes he had worn. They had no status, nor meaning. It just meant he was here of his own free will as he prayed and did his penance. He had to admit that he wished this time would go by quickly – he prayed for it knowing it would go unanswered.

"Victor, you are sure this is what you wish to do?" The bishop asked him one last time.

"Yes, it is what I wish, heart and soul." Victor had no doubts in his mind this was what he wanted. He knew it would be a long wait for his reply back from Rome, but it was worth it. He had thought and prayed over this decision: he could have love and faith, he could have life.

"Fine, sign here and we will send it to Rome. Sometimes it can take a year for a reply."

Victor looked at the declaration. Everything on paper, in ink. It all seemed so simple, fill in/read and sign. Victor did not hesitate to, he did not even have to think about it. It was the gateway to his new life. Just to sign his name, _Victor Nikiforov._ Victor signed and passed the paper back over to the Bishop. He had confessed his sins and wished to step down as priest.

"Alright Victor, the garden needs tending to. Please pray as you work."

Victor found they kept him busy at the abbey. He was praying, meditating, and missing Yuuri. They stayed silent in the abbey and it did not bother him… at first. He found a quiet comfort in it. He would find himself a lot in the orchards sitting in the trees and writing. He was allowed paper and pen and would write letters to Yuuri. He stored them in the small bare room he stayed in, and wrote to Yuuri every day.

He explained everything on his mind, how his days were, and how much he missed him. He wrote about his hopes for their life, his fears for next year. It gave him comfort as a way to still have Yuuri with him. He kept the rosary on him and when he felt lonely, he would caress the beads and smile.

* * *

Yuuri ignored his phone for a week; he went back to work and just sat at his desk staring blankly at his screen till he started to pour himself into the numbers till it was time to leave. If he could get lost in something, then maybe time would go faster.

On the second week his sister came by. She was angry and had an angier baby on her hip as she stormed through the door. Yuuri just stood in his kitchen as she warmed a bottle, and once she was feeding the screaming baby she turned to him, a glare on her face.

"You think you can ignore me for two weeks and not expect me to stop by? What is going on with you, Yuuri? You don't come to dinner anymore. There is talk of you hanging out with the old priest and now he is… what is the word? Defrocking? Baby brother, I know you better than anyone, now you better sit down and talk."

Yuuri went and sat down as Mari followed him. He took a hold of his nephew as he was still eating, and didn't know what to say.

"Yuuri, seriously, you use to be able to tell me anything. Ever since you have come back home, I feel like I don't know you anymore."

Yuuri sighed and sat back, "Mari… I don't say anything to _anyone_." He then went through explaining everything. Mari gasped quite a few times, even got up and got a glass of water before sitting back down. When he was finally done he looked at his sister's face, it was blank as she sat there staring at him.

"Mari… say something." Yuuri begged as he burped the baby.

"Shit."

"Okay… something more."

"You know, honestly, when I came over here, I thought you were going to tell me you were running off with the church becoming a priest or something. _This_ had never even... Shit. Why did I quit smoking?" Mari had stood and started to pace his small living room.

Yuuri knew, seeing how his sister reacted, that he would wait till the last minute to tell his parents. He could only imagine their response as this was not the normal conversation you had with someone.

"Yuuri, have you thought about all this? This man is breaking a vow to _God_. For what? So you can run play house in Russia? What are mom and dad going to say?"

"You cannot say anything. You promised," Yuuri was pleading her now.

"Yuuri, you know I will support you, no matter what you choose… but… what is everyone going to say when you two take off to Russia?" She had a point. Yuuri had thought it over.

"I don't care. I am not living for what others think of me. I have been miserable for so long doing what others wanted me to do. I have a chance at happiness. _Real_ happiness. I cannot turn my back on this. I… I love him too much." Yuuri knew this was true, he had made his mind up a long time ago, though he hated to hurt anyone over his decisions.

Mari signed and took the baby to go change him. Yuuri knew he would miss his family, but he knew Victor promised to take trips back and even had said at one point, if need be, they could settle back near the town if Yuuri needed to be near them.

Yuuri had lived five years away from his family and knew that was not an issue. Sure he missed them, but that is why there were video calls. He needed this for him and for Victor. Being near the town would be nothing but whispers of the priest and his lover.

Yuuri shook the thought out of his head when Mari came back in.

"Yuuri, you are crazy, but I am your sister and love you regardless." She even laughed and offered to take him to dinner. They went to the quiet diner and Yuuri ordered his milkshake first as Mari shook her head saying he would never change.

* * *

One week turned to two… two weeks turned a month… a month turned to a new season. Victor sat out in the orchard again overlooking the grounds as the sun started to set. He had his rosary in hand, starting his prayer. The letters were mounding up in his small room and they had brought him a box to keep them in. Victor knew even if he was repeating himself, he was still talking to Yuuri.

He reflected a lot about what had brought him here. He was terribly sad lately and even found some days he could barely write anything. He worked the gardens as the seasons changed. The quiet was getting to him. This was his past life and he knew this. He felt he was stuck in a void and living between the past and future. There was no present for him. He ghosted through the days., like the prayers he chanted out and did not feel anymore.

The only thing he felt was the rosary at night. He almost was mad at himself as he already felt his faith faltering. He had even written a few letters he told himself he would tear up where he was questioning God and the church. Why would they have him go through all this just to live his life? What type of God would leave him locked and forgotten in an abbey and force him to pray till a piece of paper was signed?

Not his God. He had thought many times to just walk out the front doors. They were not locked. This was not a prison, but Victor felt it was a prison and it was his sentence. His sentence for falling in love. He felt he was being punished and he felt it unfair.

He let the beads slid through his fingers as he thought of Yuuri doing the same. It gave him comfort for those few minutes every evening. He worried how Yuuri was doing as he slid to another bead. He almost was not even chanting the prayer anymore.

The only thing holding him to his faith was knowing Yuuri was holding on to it and that he was getting closer and closer to being far away from all of this with each day. Away from his personal hell. He used his faith to hide from life, and now that he was ready to live life, he had to hide in faith, again.

Time moves slower when you are waiting for something. Especially when that something is what you have looked for all your life, yearned for all your life. _Purpose_. Victor had a purpose now and he was being held back. All he wanted to do was to walk out of the orchard and find his way out of this hell he was in. He tried to do his prayers, but the beads were not giving him comfort tonight, they were destroying him one bead at a time. Ten beads in a row, five in a loop.

Victor cried out and threw the rosary as hard as he could, watching as it flew through the air and landed on the soft ground. Sliding down the tree he leaned again, he started to sob. Why did life have to be so hard? Why when he found what he wanted, he had to go through hell to have it?

 _My faith will not waver… I can do this… It is the larger picture I am looking for now, not the right now._ He was telling himself this over and over again and he wished it would calm him down better.

"Ah Victor, I was wondering when this was going to happen." Victor heard the gentle sound of the Bishop and looked up to see concerned eyes looking down at him.

"Bishop?"

"Come on, let's go walk." The Bishop offered his hand and Victor immediately walked over to where he had thrown the rosary and found it easily, thanking God it was not lost. He gathered the beads in his hand and brought them to his lips kissing them gently.

"Victor, this happens to everyone. You thought about just walking out the doors, didn't you?"

Victor hung his head, he had been thinking that. He nodded.

"They are right through the abbey, we do not lock them."

"I want to do this the right way."

The Bishop stopped and looked at him, "Why though?"

Victor looked back at the Bishop. "It is how I will keep my faith in the end. I am not running from my problems, I am praying for them. I know I took a vow, but something came, something bigger… no not bigger than God, but big enough too…"

"Victor… I understand. The church here will not. I will be honest. Maybe wherever you are headed in life will be different. I hope you pray and keep your faith. We are about halfway and you have done well Victor."

"Thank you Bishop."

"Pray for me Victor – I will pray for you as well. This is a rough road, but if anyone can do it, you can."

Victor knew as long as his goal was happiness with Yuuri, this would be worth it. He had already made it halfway there, and he would see this through.

The seasons changed, as did his time growing nearer to the end. As the early morning sun was rising, Victor dressed in his colorless robes and headed out for morning prayer. It had become routine, day in and out, pray, eat, meditate, eat again, work gardens, go to mass, pray, eat, meditate and go to bed. He always found a way to write Yuuri throughout his day, explaining his journey through God and love.

As he was leaving from breakfast, a hand was gently placed on his shoulder and he saw the Bishop and a smile on his face.

"Victor, come with me please." Victor nodded and followed down through the abbey to the back rooms where the Bishop stayed. Once in his small office he gestured for Victor to sit.

"You have been here ten months now Victor. You have done well."

"Thank you Bishop."

"I wanted to let you know, your letter from Rome came in this morning."

At those words Victor shot up from his chair and placed his hands on the desk. HIs eyes were wide and he was not sure what to think.

"Victor sit," the Bishop waited for Victor to sit back down and he passed him over the envelope.

Inside he saw the letter from the Vatican, dismissing him from his services. That was not what Victor read though, what he read was he was given a life with Yuuri.

"You don't have the cottage at the church any longer Victor, you are welcome to stay here till you figure out-"

"No, I have somewhere to go." but he did not know how he was getting there.

"Victor, do you need a ride?"

Victor looked up and smiled. "If you don't mind."

"I know you have written many letters while you are here, I have a set of clothes for you, please gather your belongings and meet me out front."

Victor clutched his letter and all but ran out of the office and through the abbey. He was not caring anymore as he was getting out sooner than he though. He hated that he thought of this like a jail sentence, but he knew he was given an early pardon.

Once in his room he saw the jeans and tshirt already waiting and tossed his robes off as he changed and gathered his box of letters and ran back out front. The Bishop was just heading out and they got into his car.

Victor hopped Yuuri would be home, he had longed to see his face. Today was going to be the day, the day he had waited so long for.

 **Our next chapter will be the final chapter in this series! Thank you all for that have followed!**


	20. Chapter 20

Yuuri was slumped over his kitchen counter cradling his cup of coffee. He was staring out his window watching the birds fly around the backyard. It had been ten months and he knew he was almost at the end of his wait. The closer it got, the more he could feel the anticipation of seeing Victor and being able to hold him again build.

He heard a light knock at the door and looked at the time. It wasn't even eight in the morning and he had no idea who would be here this early. Setting his cup down he walked to the door, opening it to see Victor standing there.

Neither knew what to do for all of a few seconds till Yuuri lept and was in Victor's arms, immediately hugging him. He could not believe he was just thinking so intensely about Victor and now he was hugging him. When he finally released Victor he started to pepper his face in kisses and found himself and Victor crying.

They heard a car horn and Victor turned and waved at a car that was parked by the curb. Yuuri looked over and gave Victor a questioning look.

"The Bishop dropped me off."

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have come gotten you?"

"I just found out this morning, love, and did not want to wait for you to get there when the Bishop offered to bring me here. I was hoping to catch you before you left for work."

"Right! Work… I am calling out." Yuuri went to grab his phone as he pulled inside behind him.

"Yuuri, I can wait here till you get–"

"You really expect me to go to work with you back?" Yuuri was shocked the statement even came up. He finally had his Victor with him and he was through with his job. He walked over to Victor and looked into those aqua eyes he had dreamed about for ten months and took his face into his hands. "я люблю тебя."

He heard Victor gasp and then kissed him immediately. Yuuri forgot everything at that moment. He forgot how to breath, he forgot how to move his limbs, he forgot his own name. He could feel Victor's hand curl around his back and hold him tightly.

"я люблю тебя всегда."

Yuuri had to smile when he heard those words spoken to him. He let Victor hold him a moment more before moving back – he had to call work.

"Vitya, I need to call work." Yuuri went for his phone, now feeling flustered.

Yuuri called into work and told them he was taking the rest of the week off. He did not care what trouble he was going to get into. It did not matter. He had his Victor back and nothing else mattered.

Once he called out he got Victor some coffee and walked him to the couch. He saw when Victor came in he had a box with him, and he was curious but he waited.

"Victor… how? So soon… not that I am complaining… but I thought–"

Victor had put his finger over Yuuri's lips and then kissed him. "I know, I was not expecting it either. The Bishop called me as soon as the letter arrived, before the sun rose. I am surprised as you are, but I find it a wonderful blessing."

Yuuri smiled as he leaned in and started kissing Victor. He felt himself pushing Victor back into the couch as the kiss deepened. All he wanted for the last ten months was to kiss his Victor and right now he could. He ran his hand through that ash blond hair he missed touching and was happy to find it still soft and silky under his fingertips. He had Victor laid out on the couch as he was laid out on top of him and felt those hands under his shirt grabbing at his body.

"Yuuri, I missed you so much baby."

Yuuri went back to kissing Victor and he could feel the tears well up behind his eyes. He was not sad, he was so happy his body was racked with emotions. When he parted from the kiss and looked down at the man under him, he saw tears slipping out of Victor's eyes. He brushed them away with his thumb and smiled.

"I just can't believe you are here Vitya," Yuuri choked out.

"I am here as long as you will have me."

"Then please never leave."

Yuuri leaned back down taking those lips he had done nothing but think about the last ten months. He never would have thought his day would have been this perfect. He thought he would have to get up, miss Victor, and push through yet another day. Here he was laid out on the couch, pressing himself to the man he loved. He licked at Victor's lip feeling his mouth open and moaned at the taste he had dreamed about. Victor wrapped his arms tight around Yuuri.

Yuuri could never get enough of kissing Victor, but he knew now he had a lifetime to kiss him. He smiled into the kiss and felt as Victor's lips smiled back.

"I wrote you everyday, Vitya." Yuuri said when he finally released those red swollen lips.

He heard the hitch in Victor's breath before the latter tried to sit up. Yuuri scrambled off of him and moved to sit on the couch. He was not sure what he had said, but he watched as Victor got up off the couch and grabbed the box he had brought with him.

"Oh my Yuuri, if you could be anymore perfect, I dare challenge to know how." Victor had returned and set the box on the coffee table.

Yuuri felt that warm hand caress his cheek and he leaned into it.

"I wrote to you too, Yuuri. This box has all my letters."

Yuuri's eyes got huge. He reached for the box and lifted the lid and found it full of notes and letters. He started to laugh and tears fell from his eyes again.

"Victor, I would e-mail you all day long!" he yelled out and ran to get his laptop. He handed the laptop to Victor and started going through the box. Neither had the time to go through every letter right now, but Yuuri was flipping through the box and looking at the neat loopy handwriting that was Victor's. He heard Victor inhale deeply and looked to see tears running down his cheeks again.

"Yuuri… you did… every day…"

"Well I have to admit it was Phichit's idea. It took a couple days when you first left… but once I knew I could still somehow talk to you… I found myself emailing you all throughout the day. I was hoping your e-mail was still active and since nothing returned… I just continued."

"Yuuri… we never spoke of writing one another."

"No, but it felt right. It helped."

"It's what kept me going and prevented me from walking out the front doors."

Yuuri could not wipe the smile off his face if he tried. He went to make fresh tea and Victor followed.

"I am learning Russian… still terribly messy with it, but it's getting better."

"Yuuri, I believe you can do anything you put your head to." Victor had taken him back in his arms and Yuuri knew he was spending his life in those arms. He rested his head against Victor's shoulder blade and just rubbed his back lightly.

"When do you want to leave?"

Victor pulled back and looked down at Yuuri. Yuuri knew this entire time that once Victor was done they would not be staying in that town. Especially with the way everyone talked. They wanted a new beginning and Yuuri knew Victor wanted to stay at his mother's house for a few years.

"Yuuri, I don't want to rush you. You thought you had a few more months and I showed up earlier than expected. Take your time, we can work this out."

"Vitya, I would leave this afternoon. I have been preparing for months. I have only… well… one last thing I need to do."

Victor cocked his eyebrow at Yuuri.

Yuuri laughed. He had been holding this off for as long as he could. He knew Victor was going to laugh, but he was getting nervous. He knew he should have handled this long ago, but he could not bring himself to do it, yet.

"I have to tell my parents."

Victor's eyes went wide and he started to laugh. "Yes, this should be… interesting."

"I probably should call them. What do you think? Dinner?"

Victor nodded and Yuuri called his mom. She was delighted to hear he wanted to come to dinner and was bringing a friend. He did not go into details with her; he knew that when he showed up with Victor, all would be told then. He let Victor go shower and get into some of the clothes he had left behind, while Yuuri slowly went through the letters that had been written to him. Tears rolled down his cheeks, starting from the very first. His heart ached over the pain his Victor went through. He knew Victor was with him now, but reading over those words he was almost glad they had to wait till they were together again to exchange them. He knew his mails to Victor were just as rough and it would take them some time to go through all of them, but time was all they had now.

Victor came out and sat next to Yuuri as the tears still ran down his cheeks.

"Baby, I am here, everything is okay now."

Yuuri embraced Victor, he knew everything was okay."

* * *

Victor was nervous. Yuuri had said he had not told his parents, yet they spent all afternoon looking over flights. Yuuri said the sooner the better, but he hated thinking he was rushing Yuuri into anything. It flattered him that Yuuri spent time to study Russian; though it was rusty, he had picked up a lot more than he thought he could have in ten months.

"Yuuri... all of your stuff though?"

"Vitya, I got this all when I moved here… there are only a few things I would really need. My clothes, some books, few things I want… but everything else… you said your mother's house was fully furnished."

Victor had to smile. Yuuri was so easy to do anything with. He knew he had met his true soulmate. He ran his fingers over Yuuri's cheek again and kissed him.

"We will box whatever you want to keep and ship them to mother's house. And I mean that. If you want to keep everything here I will get your packers and shippers and get it sent over Yuuri."

He could see the smile that had not left Yuuri's face all day. "Vitya, we will donate everything I don't want to take with me to the church, okay?"

Victor nodded as it sounded reasonable. He knew the time was approaching to head to Yuuri's parents and he felt his palms get sweaty as he got more and more nervous. He knew Yuuri could feel his nervousness as he kept reassuring him everything would be okay. He hated the feeling he had come this far just to hit one more road block. What if his parents rejected him? What if they did not approve?

As they drove the short distant to Yuuri's parent's, he could not help the shake in his knee. Yuuri must have sensed it as he placed his hand on his knee as they drove.

"Vitya, don't worry."

"But Yuuri what if–"

"Vitya, there is no 'what ifs.' Regardless of what they think, we will leave in a week for Russia, and I am yours." He could hear the firmness in Yuuri's voice and relaxed a bit. He knew it was ridiculous to worry but he could not help it. These people had taken him in time and again in their home, and here he was stealing their son away from them.

When they pulled in the driveway Victor felt he was going to be sick. Yuuri took his hand and reassured him once again. Taking a deep breath he exited the car and took the walk with Yuuri to the front door. He knew if Yuuri was okay with this, he would be too.

Yuuri's mother opened the door immediately and stood there with her mouth open.

"Father Victor?"

"Hello Mrs. Katsuki – it's just Victor now."

"Oh right right, oh dear I am so sorry. Come in! Come in! What a surprise!" she yelled out for Yuuri's father and saw him enter the hallway.

"Father Victor?"

Yuuri stepped up this time. "Mom, dad, can we all go sit down for a minute before dinner?"

Victor followed the Katsuki family into their front sitting room and saw how Yuuri's father sat in an oversized chair and his mother on the armrest of it. It seemed natural for them with the way they moved, almost as one. Victor hoped him and Yuuri would become that.

Victor and Yuuri sat on the couch next to one another and he heard Yuuri clear his throat.

"Mom, dad… well you see... " He heard Yuuri clear his throat and watched as he started to pick at his cuticles again. Without thinking he reached over and took Yuuri's hand. He heard Yuuri's mother gasp and looked over at Yuuri. Yuuri smiled at him, without breaking their eye contact. "I am in love with Victor… that is why he defrocked."

The room went silent though Victor held Yuuri's gaze. He could feel the weight in the room and wanted nothing more than to kiss Yuuri at that moment. After what seemed like the longest minutes ever Yuuri's mother finally spoke.

"Well that just explains a lot then."

They both looked over to Yuuri's parents and Yuuri had a surprised expression.

"Well really, Yuuri? If you had just said something I would have stopped trying to set you up. I mean my goodness! Now if you boys don't mind I have a dinner to finish cooking."

"Mom wait!" Yuuri jumped up and hugged his mother. Victor could feel the tears in his eyes again. He had worried for nothing. "Mom, I am also moving to Russia with Victor… next week."

That was when Yuuri's father spoke up, "Isn't that why they made the internet?"

They all had to laugh and Victor knew everything was alright. They spent the dinner talking about the move and the time Victor spent at the abbey. The only thing his parents were disappointed at was that Yuuri had hid it from them. Yuuri apologized over and over, but he knew now it was his parents picking on him. After dinner Yuuri's mother suggested they go take a walk through the orchard while she cleaned up and got dessert ready. Yuuri took Victor's hand all but pulled him out the door.

When they started to walk through the line of trees, Victor was holding Yuuri's hand and remembering the first time they had walked through these orchards. They had walked halfway through the orchard and Yuuri turned as he leaned against a tree. Victor leaned in and did what he wanted to the first time they had come out here. Kissing Yuuri he could feel his body melt into his.

"Yuuri, I wanted to do that the first time we were out here," he purred into Yuuri's ear as he started to kiss Yuuri's neck.

Yuuri moaned out, "Me too."

"I tried so hard to resist you…"

"Vitya… shut up and kiss me again."

Victor could not argue with that and stopped kissing his neck as he pressed him into the tree. The sun was starting to set and birds were singing in the background. Victor knew if there was a heaven, he had ascended to it.

"Vitya, we still have dessert…"

"I'm having it now," Victor said as his lips still were gently pressed to his Yuuri. He could feel him chuckle and gently push at his chest.

"Vitya, you know mom is going to be mad if we don't get back there and have dessert."

Victor had to agree. As much as he wanted every minute alone with Yuuri, he knew he was getting a lifetime with him and that Yuuri was moving to Russia to be with him. He could be selfish later. Taking Yuuri's hand they started the journey back through the orchard up to the house.

As much as Victor wanted to rush through dessert and take Yuuri back home, he let them serve tea and then sat as they talked more about the move. He kept a tight hold on Yuuri's hand, knowing he would soon be leaving his family.

When it was finally time to leave, Yuuri's mother embraced him and whispered for him to take care of Yuuri. He promised he would and they both promised to come by each night for dinner that week before their departure.

* * *

Yuuri felt a weight off his shoulders with his parents taking everything in stride. They had promised to come over every night for dinner. He knew he would miss his mother's meals, but Victor had promised at dinner that they would come back to visit at least for the holidays.

Yuuri thought he had stepped into the pages of a fairy tale. No one ever got what they wanted, no one was ever truly _this_ happy with their life. Yuuri had the man of his dreams whisking him off to a foreign country where they would live out their happily ever after. He had pinched himself when they got back his house to make sure he had not dreamed everything.

Even when they walked through the door and he felt as Victor pressed him into the wall, kissing him as if they would never kiss again, he still wanted to know if he was dreaming. He felt hands trailing up his shirt, pulling it over his head as his glasses fell to the floor. The rattle of the glasses did not wake him from his dream. Normally he would care to pick them up, but right now he did not. He was drunk off of Victor. That mouth on his, those hands tearing his clothes off.

He must have been dreaming as he somehow ended up on his bed with no clothes on and his Victor equally naked on top of him. He knew this could not be true. Dreams never came true for him. Nothing _this_ good could ever happen to someone as ordinary as he was.

"Yuuri, I love you so much."

Even those words whispered in his ears couldn't snap him out of his dream. It was too perfect. He could feel that magical mouth all over his body as he cried out and confessed his love. Everything in his body was heightened as he felt Victor consuming him. When they became one, Yuuri could feel the tears running down his cheeks. Victor was rocking so gently and lovingly in and out of him, he knew if he died then and there, everything happening in his life would have seemed nothing less than perfect.

He couldn't hold Victor harder or cry out any louder. It was all too much yet not enough. He cried out for his Victor one last time before his body exploded around him and felt as Victor's followed. He did not want to lose his dream and held tight to Victor.

"Yuuri, are you crying?"

"This can't be real Vitya. Prove to me this is real. I am so afraid I am going to wake up and be miserable again. I spent so long being miserable… and this… It can't just be."

Victor sat up and pulled himself off Yuuri, rolling next to him. Yuuri felt those swollen lips press to his forehead.

"Yuuri, I can assure you with everything that I am, and everything that I have, this is real."

Yuuri cried and held onto Victor, "I don't deserve this. It's too much. I mean… Vitya… who gets everything they want?"

He felt Victor laugh and hug him tight. "Yuuri – we do."

When Yuuri woke the next morning, he was still in his dream. As the week around them swirled in flying colors, Yuuri waited for the bubble to burst. At first he was scared something was going to happen till Victor assured him all was fine. They had donated his furniture to the church, Victor had shipped their boxes off, and they were spending their last night before leaving at his parents.

His parents drove them to the airport. They had their carry on and they walked hand in hand. His parents waved them off and he hugged his mother with tears in both of their eyes. He had never been to Russia and was more than excited. Victor told him all the places they would visit.

They had argued a little bit over Yuuri wanting to get a job when they got there. Victor told him money was not an issue for them. They agreed to wait ten months before making a decision. Victor said he wanted the time they spent apart back without any other distractions.

They had a few hours layover before boarding their final flight. Yuuri could feel his stomach growl and Victor squeezed his hand.

"Yuuri, there is a restaurant here in the airport. Do you want to get dinner while we wait?"

Yuuri nodded as they head towards the food court area.

"Yuuri, what do you want to get?"

Yuuri smiled as he looked up at Victor, "I want a milkshake."

 **This is the final chapter - Thank you all for who followed this - I am on Tumblr as Phaytesworld and AO3 as Phayte - there may be in the future a one shot of their life in russia... just not anytime soon!**


End file.
